bitflipper
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I just wish the musical bits were longer, because some of them are really good.
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I also wish they would get some REAL artists to do some guest coaching. The people they use are 2nd and 3rd rate folks that don't have it, people that are not even good enough, but they have some kinda fame somewhere!
Folks I would like to see:
1. Bob Dylan. Have him teach how to say it and flick a finger at the judges.
2. Peter Hammill. Wanna learn to scream? Cry? Have them try sing ... "you really think so, Alice?" ... or sing "A Way Out". Or better yet, "Godbluff". That ought to send the judges to hell!
3. Willie Nelson! Teach the kids how to get stoned before you sing, so you can really mean it and sing it badly, but it still comes off good! That ought to throw the judges to the trash!
4. Neil Young. He would teach them how to sing out of tune, and still come off really good, and the feeling is excellent, because it was honest and FELT, not thought!
5. Kate Bush. See if she can teach them how to do a song with no ending, no beat and it just flows non-stop without the usual formats (hint: 50 Words for Snow)
6. Rickie Lee Jones. Only the early version. She's not half as good as her first 5 albums, nowadays, and have a Steve Gadd behind her, so she can make use of the excellent drum breaks and accents to make the song better than it really is!
7. David Crosby. But he gets to sleep with the ladies first! But he will teach you harmonies from heaven to hell that you never dreamed of!
8. Mick Jaegger. He would have to teach them how to swing their butts, of course! And do, yet another impression of Turner in that one song from "Performance". (Memo from Turner)
9. Jon Anderson. And have them sing lyrics that might not mean anything at all, but they come off like the greatest spiritual structure ever written in the history of rock music!
10. Magic Johnson. Teach them to put on a smile, while crying in a song, and still say ... Showtime! ... and in the middle of it, look at Larry Byrd and say ... check this out Byrd!
And last, but not least ... a few other teachers that are not around with us anymore!
1. Harold Pinter. Not a singer, but teaching these kids silence with a smoke ring, in between lyrics, would be priceless, and something that none of them will ever try or succeed at!
2. Jean Genet. I hear that Strummy was writing a song about the opening paragraphs of "Our Lady of Flowers", with the same words as lyrics. We may have to have Adam Lambert sing it with Queen, though! The visual, of course, would be from that Ken Russell film with the lady coming down those long stairs nude in her heels. Oh wait ... that's a guy!
3. Freddy Mercury. To have the balls and guts to sing it, and MEAN IT! And then he will show you what being a singer and showman is really all about!
4. Andres Segovia. Show them how to miss a note and continue like nothing ever happened. (He broke a string in Madison on his guitar, and continued for 7 more minutes to finish the piece, and when done, he asked ... did it sound alright? And he got a standing ovation for that!)
5. Hugh Hefner. He would teach all of them how to pose, and not say anything, of course! And then you still gotta sing with all those special lights highlighting one part of your body only. Forget the leko pointing at your face and lips!
6. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Teach them how to really have a dream and work up some excitement that was heard around the world!
7. Ken Kesey. Help them sing something, and of course, they don't succeed, and then in the end, tell them that they missed the point of enjoying the "experience" and learning from it, by coping out, and not being able to handle personal issues, and thinking that singing is going to do it for you! Only Jack and Ken, made it through, and that is why they are known and everyone else isn't! Harsh lesson for many folks involved in "The Trip", that some refuse to learn! Except that bus ... but it is noisy and doesn't sing!
8. Jim Morrison. Learn to scream, sing, read poetry, talk, and still sound like you're missing your loved one and having more sex to make it all better!
9. Janis Joplin. How to go beserk on the stage at Woodstock, and have Michael Wadleigh condemn your heartfelt sensations to hell, as some sort of insane, stupid and moronic singer. And be remembered forever, too! But she would have to teach them how to sing "Ball And Chain" ... but we need a guitarist!
(I wanted to use some political figures, but I didn't want to sound ... or come off ... politically incorrect ... !!!)
post edited by Moshkiae - 2014/04/13 11:33:13