5 Scientific reasons a Bapucalypse could never happen.

Wouldn't the main reason be that his moobs instead of getting bigger would get smaller?

It's a conspiracy I tell ya.

But they were tears of joy, right?  I mean, they weren't like the tears one sheds when some idiot at the pub lodges a dart in one's face, right?

I believe there is actually some debate in the scientific community regarding these points:

1. Bapu has too many predators. 

Some scientists believe Bapu could rise on the food chain (when all the of stuff he's currently eating runs out, he will be forced to expand his diet).  

2. Bapu can't take the heat.

Air conditioning.

3.  Bapu bites and we all know biting is not a good way to spread disease

While most scientist agree that "Bapu bites", some contend that "Bapu sucks" instead.

4. Bapu can't heal from day to day damage

Some scientists believe Bapu could eventually be taught to heal (and sit, and beg, and shake, and roll over).

5. The United States  borders are equipped with Bapu proof barriers. 

But outsiders can easily cross US borders to enter the country. Eventually, everyone might come here.

In light of last year's Bapu Escape, during which time he invaded the UK, NATO officials are considering abandoning the current Bapu Barrier system in lieu of fleeing the planet.  Pluto is one possible new home for humanity due to the questionable nature of its planetary classification and the liklihood that no one would look for them there.

One official, speaking anonymously, said that he was concerned that humanity might not be able to thrive in such a cold, harsh environment.  He said that he'd be willing to support the move on the condition that the Coffee House was left behind with all of its usual riff-raff.  "Sure, we'd face nearly certain death", he said.  "But, consider the alternative!"

Mesh


Bapu's my friend.

We all know "Bapu's my friend" is the secret catch phrase code to let people know you are being held hostage by the Bapu himself. 


Be still my friend we have a plan and help is on the way. 

It's okay, Mesh.  We've got a treatment program designed to help people recovering from this type of trauma.  You won't remember a thing.

[whisper] JonBouy, you've still got that really big hammer, right?