Which story? The fresh spring water with the upstream carcass? The "not so refreshing" night time shower courtesy of a small dog (that soon learned to fly)? Okra Sludge? (Absurdly Lemon-Flavored) Iced Tea made with 90% powder and 10% water? Liquified Vegi-Peal Mush in a Bag? Fat guy in a warm pool? Ok, that last one might have been me...
I'm sure there are many more stories that I've blocked out given the fact that my parents frequently tried to kill me throughout my childhood. I look back on it now and I envy those who had the good fortune to be raised by wolves...
Carcass story - Family hiking in the mountains. Found a stream. Dad said, "Ain't nuttin' fresher than spring water", so he had us take a drink. Once you got past the metallic, sulphor taste, you hardly noticed how red the water looked. A short way up the stream, we found out why. "Waste uh good venison!" was all he said about it.
Dog Shower Story - Family camping in a tent with two dogs inside the tent. Small dog decided to get creative. I've never before seen a dog ricochet off of three walls of a tent before hitting the ground. Things were said...
Okra Sludge Story - While some consider okra to be food, I do not. I consider it to be proof that Evil is alive and well on this planet. While many Southern families have found ways to imbue this rotting putrescent ball of slime with some manner of taste, mine discovered new and inventive ways to enhance the natural horror to truely mythic levels. Faced with the fact that no one with an IQ above 0 would intentionaly eat a second bite of her stewed okra, Mom tried to make a "Shake". Since then, the CIA has considered this as an alternative to waterboarding, but found it to be too cruel.
Iced Tea of Death Story - Family was visiting a distant family friend. Friend offered us some Iced Tea. Since that is a staple where we came from, we gladly accepted. Little did we know, she was a stark raving lunatic. She filled each glass almost all the way to the top with powdered Iced Tea, then added enough water to fill the glass the rest of the way. She attempted to stir it, but it set harder than concrete. Being polite folk, we tried to choke it down. My genius little brother waited until her back was turned and poured his on a nearby cactus. It immediately died. When we got out of sight, my Dad whacked him for not letting him be the one to dump out his glass. I can hardly drink Iced Tea to this day.
Vegi-Peal Mush in a Bag Story - As legends spread about my Mom's cooking, she began to experiment. She figured that sooner or later, just by random chance, something she made might be edible. Her probability theory was sound. It might have worked had she not occupied the far end of the wrong extreme edge of the bell curve. Consumed by morbid curiosity, a twisted sense of humor, or the complete and total disregard of all human life, area farmers would "suggest" that she try some of their "recipies". Suckered into another health kick, she tried to make a Nutritious Drink out of discarded vegtable peals and truckloads of zuchini mush. She made so much, we filled a freezer chest with bags of the stuff. She'd pull out a bag, thaw it out, then pour the slop into a glass for a nutritious meal. Many times, I thought I'd rather eat the glass.
Guy in a Warm Pool Story - On the advice of my attorney, I have no comment.
post edited by UbiquitousBubba - 2010/07/29 19:43:53