Vab
But I'm a guitar noob and have no idea what any of that means and does :(

But I'm sure its much better than the guitar sounds on my piano.

I don't play the guitar, I assume that all that stuff is available as a midi synth instrument that I can control with my piano?

TH2 is a guitar fx processor with a wide variety of fx pedal, amp and speaker models. It is not a synth you can play from your keyboard. You can technically run pretty much any soft synth through it for interesting fx, but it's "built for" purpose is as an fx processor for actual guitars.

Scuffham S-Gear is better anyway and only 20 bucks more :p

*ducks for cover*