Alien Encounters

So, this morning I was thinking about what it would be like when humanity finally encounters extraterrestrial sentient life.  Assuming for a few minutes that Einstein's Intergalactic Speed Limit (speed of light) could be broken, there may come a time when humanity finally reaches distant stars.  When we get there, will we find alien civilizations and cultures?  If so, there are some obvious concerns. 
 
What if these aliens are far, far more intelligent and technologically advanced than we are?  We may crash the interstellar party only to find that everyone there already knew of our existence, but they ignored us as inferior or irrelevant.  I can see it now... 
 
Captain Bud "Horticulturist" Johnson walks up to the nearest alien, removes his helment, and says, "Greetings from Earth!  We come in peace." 
 
???%!!g spits twice from one his tentacles to demonstrate perturbed indifference, gargles a green foamy drink from a barrel containing three pink umbrellas, changes his dorsal fin's color to ultraviolet (which is a great color to demonstrate sudden digestive distress and is especially useful in the presence of a fuzzy black light poster of a panther), and says, "Great!  There goes the galaxy!  Ok.  This place is trashed.  By a show of moobs, who's up for invading the Andromeda Galaxy?"  Pointing a long, bony earlobe at Captain Johnson, ???%!!g says, "Not you, scum!  We can't allow you to infest another galaxy.  We're outta here!  Besides, the Milky Way was kind of a dive anyway.  Hasta La Vista, Vermin!"
 
Of course, there is another scenario that is even more alarming.  What if the aliens are even less intelligent or advanced than we are?  What if we're the best and brightest of all sentient life forms?  I can see it now...
 
Captain Bud "Horticulturist" Johnson walks up to the nearest alien, removes his helment, and says, "Greetings from Earth!  We come in peace." 
 
Duh hits himself in the head with a stick and says, "Me, Duh."  He points a leg at another alien and promptly falls over.  From his prone position he says, "He, Duh". 
 
Captain Johnson is confused.  He asks, "You're both named, 'Duh'?"
 
Duh picks a large, multi-colored "object" from his nose and places it in his ear.  "Everyone, Duh."  He then leaps in the air and smacks his face against a rock.  "Duh", he says weakly.
 
Captain Johnson angrily kicks a rock out of his way as he stomps back to his ship.  "Great!  We finally meet an alien race, and it's made up entirely of politicians and record label executives!"
 
It's about that time that I'm glad we haven't ventured that far out into space yet.

Yeah, I mourned the loss of Douglas Adams too...

No, Duh went with them, it was Duh that got left behind.

The females of that species are, of course, D'Oh...

Duh!! It was the politicians that sent a horticulturist on this mission when the more capable & qualified Buzz Lightyear (who's been to infinity and beyond) was at home using only 10% or < of his brain power watching Toy Story 2. 

One of the biggest problems Bud will have with faster than light travel is "How do you test it?". When you travel at those speeds, your time will pass at a fraction of the time on Earth. So the test pilot will likely return from his very short test flight hundreds of years in the future.

To a mountain of overdue bills. And since his lawn service went out of business 182 years ago, weeds are going to be a problem as well. And let's not talk about those leftovers in the fridge.

UbiquitousBubba


On the positive side, by that time the leftovers may have become the dominant species on the planet.  It shouldn't be too difficult to supplant humanity.

But will they take care of the lawn?

drewfx1

UbiquitousBubba


On the positive side, by that time the leftovers may have become the dominant species on the planet.  It shouldn't be too difficult to supplant humanity.

But will they take care of the lawn?

You're being quite optimistic in thinking there'll be a lawn....you'll probably need a lumberjack.

MNorman


Yeah, I mourned the loss of Douglas Adams too...

+1

mohair... gets me almost every time.

I have a theory that aliens have already visited but never landed.  From deep orbit they monitored TV, radio and internet traffic.  After a few days of reality TV, and an endless stream of pointless tweets and Facebook postings, they turned around an went back from whence they came.

I believe that they may have even posted in the X1 Forum on occasion.

Or, from the Bud Light commercial:
 
 
 
I wonder if they get free HDTV with those antennas?

(or should that be antennae???)

UbiquitousBubba


Is it sad that I know that it's antennae?

what's an ten nae?

UbiquitousBubba


Is it sad that I know that it's antennae?

So you think they're insects?  ('Cause I'm sure you know that the correct plural is antennas unless you're referring to entomology.  )