bapu

In 38 days I'll be 58 by the clock on the wall.

I still feel like I'm 32 (well, except the moobs). And my little buddy Mooch thinks I act 13.

IMHO, it's all a state of mind.

When my mother was dying she used to tell me mentally she still felt like she was still 18 and wished her body did too.

She had me when she was 44 so I've always felt robbed and cheated that I lost her when I was in my mid 20's. My brother and sisters are in their 50's, well, my sister Lynn passed away almost a year to the day of mom, so she'd be 60 now, I'm 39 (40 on 5/11/11 ). I feel lost and like a freak sometimes because I don't get along with people my age. I get excited about Hank Snow, Wilf Carter, Johny Cash, Willie Nelson, and people my age look at my like I have three heads when we talk about music.

I feel for you Keni and hope something happens to bring things around for you. I hate when people say they know what your going through. They don't and I don't, but I understand where you're coming from because I've been around people your age all my life. My mom was 1 of 14 and they are all gone now. Of course, people who are 60 years old in 2010 and the 60 years olds who I knew (who today would be 80 ~ 90 years old) have a completely different outlook on everything.

I have a picture of my uncle Leon. He was putting a brick chimney on a 3 story house ... he was 72. It was in the local newspaper. So I do agree that it's all a state of mind to a certain point. If I had a scanner I would attach it. I should get it scanned because it's getting all yellow and almost unreadable.

Heh, you're feelin' old? Did you watch Dick Clarks Rockin' New Years Eve tonight? If that didn't make you feel old nothing will! I had tears in my eyes when I saw Dick. It was really sad.

Happy New Year!

Thanks for all the wonderful thoughts, support, and inspirations...

I had a grand-Uncle (?) who lived to be 107.... He played softball on a men's team until he was 100 and drank liqour, lived in his own apartment, smoked cigars (reminded me of George Burns)... I have a friend who's grandmother is still alive at 103 and just a month ago had to give up her apartment to move into assisted living...

Yes, Age is an "interesting" thing... People age differently for all kinds of reasons from their' own constitution to life style choices, etc....

Some of us don't fare so well... I've had friends die since high school.... Ebn dies at 45 years old.... A sad loss to the world as he was a brilliant musician (amongst other things)...

I did 10 years of home care for my folks. both were stroke victims... That crushed me beyond belief... The fact that I'm still alive after it I've always thought of as Living On Borrowed Time (song on my 5th album, "Coming Soon - The Has Been Who Never Was")... ...and I've tried to make it purposeful... In the first few years after they passed (Dad died in 98)I managed to get myself somewhat situated, but highly unstable.... I plowed into things and forged my 3rd album "Hangin' By A Thread"... It then took me 3 years to manage a follow up "Chill Time" and I then decided I would set a goal of an album every two years for as long as I survive... So 2 years later I released "Coming Soon - The Has Been Who Never Was" and two years later, "Out Of My Mind" (2009)... I'm now a little more than half way finished with my 7th album (expected release 11/23/2011) and with some mix of good/bad luck I hope to finish it.... and start another....

I have had a reasonably good life... As with most people... the longer you live the more good and bad accumulates in your life... I understand that what we dwell on shows in our attitude(s) and I've always done my best to stay focused on accomplishments.... Success.... A very hard term to come to terms with... ;-)

For me it's a personal measurement of what I wanted out of life vs. what I'm getting... My life changed so radically during those 10 years that I no longer see a bright future... Tho I always hope I'm wrong... Hey! I even went so far as to buy a square mile of Mars many years ago! ;-) Talk about dreaming of the future...

I am single and have no children nor do I have any pets (well, I do have wild deer in my yard most days)...

Stress is all my life is in my current situation... My only escape from it is the joyous times of working on my music... so I do this as if my life depended on it...

I'm totally thrilled that some of you bought/listened to my music as it's all that I am (for what that's worth)... and all the kind words and thoughts have moved me deeply... From all of you...

Sonar.... back to the reason we're all here... Not especially to save the soul of an old music bum... ;-)

I've been working on a couple of pieces I brought from 8.5.3 into X1... One is already nearing completion and another I actually started in X1.... I'm really pretty fast at learning most things... Especially software... My problem(s) here are not so easily explained tho I believe a number of you sound as though you understand, some even in similar state of thought...

I will finish my work even if I'm forced to go back to the tape machines I grew up on... I even still own an old Fostex A-8 (8 track recording on 1/4" tape - Makes it cassette technology goes multi-track! ;-)) But my expected toolset has grown far beyond what I can do on tape and by myself... ;-)

when I find a good feature in Sonar (for my way of working) I'm always very thrilled and long ago learned to simply ignore the additions which I have no interest in (Beatscape???)... I'm glad for those who find those tools useful...

But this time things are different... These aren't tools I can ignore... Sure I can learn the new shortcuts... I'm already swinging at it and even managing to (usually) remember which Sonar version I'm in and which shortcuts to use... Painful, but I know I can do that... I'm a bit worried about support for my various clients, students and friends who depend on me for help... It's always been hard enuf to go back to old version to re-create a friend's scenario and help them sort out there problems.... Now it's really gonna be a major tangle...

I really have no choice but to learn to work with X1 for I know myself and as there's no longer any hope for 8.5's bugs to ever get fixed, my only hope is to take this small step forward (which is packed with steps backwards) and go on...

But I don't go happily... I will continue to work on many pices in 8.5 for the time being and hope I get to make a large, quick apology to everyone when X1b comes out and the Bakers again show their miracles at making things right...

The glass is never half full or half empty.... It's always a half of a glass (unless I either drink it or re-fill it ;-))

Well... It's a new year... and a new Sonar... and with so many people being so supportive... Maybe a new me..!


(Nah, but I can dream! Much thanks to you all for giving me some better things to dream about!)

Happy First Day Of The New Year!

Keni

I just read the entire thread and I'm 57, 58 in June, and for some reason see an amazing future ahead for myself.

Age. There's no explaining it. I just returned from a trip to the Mid West, a little town called Greeneville Illinois and then on to  Dubuque, Iowa.

Went to Greeneville for my wife's mother's 90 birthday and there was a very different attitude about aging in that little town then there is here in San Diego. It seemed that in Greeneville everyone was somehow resigned to the aging process and were expecting certain absolute events at certain absolute age events. Can't explain it very well but it seems to resemble your feelings quite a bit Keni. Again can't explain it and certainly do not judge it.

Here in San Diego 60 years old is just getting started for a lot of people. My avatar is me surfing in El Salvador a couple years ago. My best surf buddy is 61 years old. A LOT of retired older people do triathalons and the physical shape these people are in is amazing.

The reason I tell this story is not to rub in anyone else's good fortune or attitude but to show that hope can come from the most unexpected places.

For me, and again this is very personal, exercise (and X1 bapu) has changed EVERYTHING. As I aged I actually stopped exercising because it would be so painful. Wrong. I worked through the pain and got in decent shape pretty fast, and, it had a DRAMATIC effect on my (similar) depression - really. May seem like an odd tangent to this thread but physical exercise can do wonders for a tired mind.

And one more thing that might also seem like a bit of tangent - GET A DOG!!

I swear that my dog is the best thing that has ever happened. If you can stay depressed while that little feller wags his tail as you come around the bend then there's bigger problems.

In closing I have also learned over the years that this kind of advice can be a little intrusive and might be taken the wrong way. I hope the sprit in which this was written is conveyed properly.

Last note. Hope and faith are strange animals. They are always there, we just need to learn where to look and it's never to late to learn.

Your age is of paramount importance in the music world...

That is true at least in the pop music world. I'm sad to say most of the new music is just crap. For Christmas my wife gave me the DVD of Rick Wakeman playing "The Six Wives of Henry VIII" live and even at the age of 60 he could still play circles around most of today's so-called musicians. It made it so obvious how much the music scene has deteriorated in the last 20 years. Last night one of the cable channels played the video of "The Police" on their reunion tour and it was wonderful seeing musicians who can still play their asses off. Most of the bands today can barely play their instruments or sing much less be thought of as virtuosos. Take the high road and just make the best music you can don't try to compete the the 20-year olds whose 15 minutes of fame will quickly be over.

Hi Keni. As I reread your posts, I think of some of the things that I've gone through. I'm 46 years old, had a heart attack at almost 43. Never into drugs, drank very little, but smoked a pack of cigarettes a day for 20 years which I'm quite sure contributed to my heart attack. (quit smoking that day) My heart issues are genetic. I'm doing fine now, but I remember back when I had my heart attack I laid there in intensive care after having my stent put in and had so many thoughts flowing thru my mind. Did I waste the precious time god gave me here on Earth? Was I a good enough husband, and father? Just endless thoughts.
    Since my heart attack I have dove even deeper into my love of music. My wife and I are in a trio with a good friend, we play out, and are recording our first album. One of the things that I've thought about recently is that I've spent many years playing and writing music. I never did it as a full time gig, although at times I really wish that I had as I have great respect and admiration for those who do (Steve Poltz, and many others).
    I've made a pact with myself to record as many of my songs as I can so that I can leave something behind when I go. Obviously memories and possessions will be left behind, but I really want to leave my music behind also. Don't get me wrong, I don't feel as though I'm going anywhere soon :) but you never know what God has in store for you.
 Your situation is different from mine, as no 2 situations  are exactly alike, but I can certainly relate to you as many can. All of us here are music lover's and/or music makers. I've always called this burning desire of music that flows through my veins a disease. I love my disease. Sometimes my disease brings me up so high, I feel as though I'm floating. Other times it brings me down so low I don't feel as though I can bring myself to climb back out of the hole it puts me in. It's not the music that brings us down, it's life's twists and turns. I think that it's at our lowest most vulnerable state that we are most creative. Maybe this is why we sometimes curse our disease.
    I really respect what you and many others on this forum have done musically in your lives. You all rock... Happy New Year..

There has to be at least a half a dozen potential songs in the thread...

Hey Keni (and the rest of you old f*rts)
 
I'll throw my hat in this ring, I'll be 60 in a couple of months and truly do feel like the "industry" has passed me by....
 
But I don't care, music has been my life and will be until I draw my last breath. I spent 30 years gigging and was out of work maybe a total of a month that whole time, so I was blessed WAY beyond what I deserved. I discovered SONAR and the world of digital recording in 2002 and between my humble little home "studio" and doing the odd live gig now and then I continue to be lucky enough to do what I truly love.
 
Hang in there bud, and if you gotta stick with 8.5 that's ok, it's a damn good platform. I mean, if they hadn't released X1 it would still be the best out there, right? Just keep pickin' and kickin'!

Ha!

How to turn a sow's ear into a silk purse! ;-) Isn't that the phrase...

So many good thoughts and people with so much spirit. It's truly wonderful to see and hear...

I thank you all again for the support...

Funny... the dog issue. I love them and get along well with all animals in general... I was just caring fro my friend's dog/cat while he's away for the holiday... But the plan wasn't working and got changed so that now I'm only feeding the cat... It changed yesterday...

I love both the do and cat and have been good friends with them for years now... But living with them? It's been more than 35 years since I had my last pet... I love them too much to force them to live wiht my craziness... or me to live with the frustration (I feel) in trying to understand their' needs and wants... ;-)  Too bad as I love them so much...

Exercise... That's another one... For a number of years I was a martial arts student... at my peak I was doing near 3hrs of workout every day... I felt great... Better at 35 than I did at 25... But now my hips are gone and exercise simply wears them down faster and makes things worse... I worked thru the pain a number of times in hope that it would change, but things only got worse... So now I do very little exercise other than in my brain... ;-) Too bad as I truly loved this too...

Success? As I hoped I stated earlier... It's only a personal measure of my satisfaction with the things I've done and how they turned out. I'm not concerned with others' measure of my "success".... I hate thinking of my life as unfullfilled, but that's been the story for me.... forever.... So now I struggle to do the one thing that's in my heart... and that is to make music... so when things get in the way I get upset...

Which leads me to my very favorite quote.... It's from John Lennon in a song to his son....

"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans"...

It is very moving how many people have come to help me work thru this current "mood"... I will do my best to listen to everyone's music I can find online... Maybe sometime in the future even buy some. I can't buy any music these days so the only new I get is from friends sharing and what I find on the web... My other issue... All I can get (broadband) is Hughes Satellite, which has a strict daily download limit so I'm handicapped to even use the web for music or entertainment... I was shoked last night to find that I did so much Sonar-related posting and reading that I used almost 40% of that allotment on the forums yesterday! <whew>!

New music? I've actually found many new (re:young) bands that I've been enjoying... some for enuf years that they no longer are very young! (anyone think Green Day? ;-)) The outstanding players of the past lose no shine from any new brilliance... they all shine as the stars they are... Styles change as does appreciation of them... but different ages tend to communicate with their own age group better (in general) as the common experiences we all tend to accumulate are similar over time...

We each find our pat (paths?) and hope to have a successful life... After all, that's all there is we can be certain about... so I do work hard to make everyday the most important day of my life.... so a bad one, sticks out as the worst day of my life until it's over and I find I've managed another tough crossing...

I was inspired enuf from all your support that I stayed up most of the night beginning a new song in X1.... The first to start there! ;-) So far? Mostly ok with a few snags... I'm doing my best to keep away from the things that are problematic except for such as the universal zap-your-grid issue... Doing my best to shed the anger and frustration time after time... I won for the night as I went to bad near 4am happy with what I had done... (Even tho this morning I decided I want to re-perform the guitar part)... ;-)

A very Happy New Year and all my Warmest Wishes for you all!

Keni

Great Gear List...

Nice plugin selection for sure... and good stuff from your band... I'd love to drink some of that coffee.. !

Keni

This whole thread has been an eye opening lesson on how many "Over 40" people are out there making music with SONAR.

More than I would have guessed.

One thing I've learned about human beings and especially male human beings is that sometimes we think that unless you can hear it, touch it, feel it, see it we haven't really created anything. (Females can make babies so they don't have the same problem). So we struggle with who we are and look to our music or our furniture or whatever to see if we're creative.

Well I've learned that when you write or perform a song it's not the words or the music that gets to people but the feelings and emotions that went into that song. The emotional content in the true creation.

So Keni with this simple little ditty of a thread you've created much thinking and contemplation and emotions and feelings in each of us who have read it.

Might be one of your better songs.

Clint, you rock man..... Love that attitude...


"Would you sign a record contract with a major label?
Sure, if they'd buy me a bunch of gear and leave me alone."

I dig your tunes....

yorolpal


Go watch "True Grit" there, rooster...then get back in your studio and kick some ass!

Is that the Duke or the Coen Brothers? ;-)

Remember the "sequel" with Ron Howard? I believe it was "The Shootist"? I think I'm that much further down the road... ;-)

Loving the accomplishment of modest goals is the great reward for surrendering one's ego.

Well said, Clint! Is that a quotation or did you just make it up? Either way, I think I'll use it.

Keni: I am also 59 and don't leave the house much, either. I have reason to believe my life expectancy will be short and have looked death in the eye three times, and each time was a moment to reappraise priorities. Not surprisingly, making some good records always ends up near the top of that list. It's more than just a satisfying hobby. Since I have no libraries named after me, when I am gone those recordings will be the last tangible fragment of my life, all that remains to testify that I ever existed. That's what you call a motivator.

Don't fret over X1. SONAR 8.5.3 is perfectly capable of making good records. Given that you (and I) already have it, you could say you're (we're) already set for life.

oh, and +1 on the dog idea

ba_midi


Keni,
 
I think you just need a break. . . .  

Keni:

This might not be the best suggestion but a few months ago I completely disassembled my home studio after having it for 10+ years.  I wasn't accomplishing anything that "lit the fires" and decided to go "cold turkey" for a while.

And I have to tell you, it's been extremely liberating.  I still check the Sonar forums occasionally (and hence saw your post), but did not upgrade to X1, first time without an upgrade since Pro Audio 9 (so I have some mileage on me as well!).

What I have found is that being away from the daily exposure (I won't say "grind" ) of composing/recording/etc. has been really good for the old "well of creativity".  I'm planning to play live more, instead of recording, at least for a while. 

So if it would work for you, I suggest you consider unbundling from the "studio" (I don't know how extensive your setup is), and maybe do something that exposes you to more people, perhaps get a writing partner, things like that.

I'm glad to hear music is so important to you (I'm not many years behind you), and that you've kept it up.  Sometimes a short break is better than many hours of intense studio time.

$.02

Happy New Year.