Any feedback on these lyrics?

I'd really need to hear it with music.... however...

It has very little rhyme in it in the verses. 

Is the section starting with "But the wheel of time" the chorus?  I'm asking this because a bit further I see 

Chrous (screamed vocal)  we need love.............  we need love............. 


The section "But the wheel..." repeats 3 x   so I was thinking that was the chorus.  Again there are no rhymes in that part either. I do like how you changed the words slightly the last time this section came around. That also made me think this was the chorus. 


If you had not told me the title was "Love" I would have guess it to be "The wheel of time" since "the wheel of time"  line appears where I would naturally expect to hear the title of the song.... and I was also assuming that section was the chorus since it repeated several times in the song....choruses repeat...verses don't usually. (in most modern music) 


The section I NEED LOVE 2x  ...well I was thinking (without hearing it) that it was a bridge or something.... but definitely not a chorus. 


I mentioned the almost total lack of rhyme in the lines.  depending on the song and the genre, that IS acceptable.  You know I write country and in country it is not acceptable to leave out the rhymes. 


The rhymes I found were (fear & near)...and that was all....  either change that to a non rhyme or make the rest of the verse and the other verses all follow the same pattern. 


Syllable count is close but not precise... as far as I'm concerned....close is good.   6 in one... 7 in it's companion verse.  that's workable and to me acceptable.... 6 to 10 is not. I'm talking about the 1st line in V1 should have the same syllable count as V2 and V3.... 2nd line same deal, and so on. NOT following this rule makes it a very hard song to sing since the song must  be different in the verse where it is supposed to be the same exact melody and groove.  Nothing bad stuck out at me there.... 


I work with and bounce my own writing and songs off of professional song writers in this business and they are always challenging me to look for better ways to say the same thing everyone else has already said....but to say it in a unique way.  Avoid the cliche lines and be creative in how you was things. How many times and in different ways can you say "I love you" or just grab one of your verses above and ask that same question about each line.... can it be said differently and better? Can it be condensed to it's essence?  Are there lines that don't need to be there? and so on..... 


That is some food for thought about writing... not a critique of the lyrics you posted. I'd like to hear the musical idea you have for this since that is also a MAJOR player in how these lyrics will work..... or not work.  My comments are restricted to the structure and internal aspects as opposed to the topic and specific wording. 


So that's what I see..... with out hearing the music behind this idea.

Thank you!  The music is dark and urgent.  Think earlier Radiohead crossed with Arcade Fire.  Heavy guitar with urgent stacatto strings.  Hard to explain but I will post.  Thank you for the read. I find your observation of lack of structure interesting.  I did not explicitly set out to do that.  Yet the lyrics definitely fit the music.  I think that is probably a good thing.  Keeps the listener guessing LOL!  The chorus is definitely "I need love".  The mirror piece is part of the verse but with a totally different melody to the first half.

mike_mccue


I've noticed a trend in radio pop song sales where celebrations of power, strength and optimism have been replaced with songs about self doubt, suffering and fear.


Hurry up.


The front end of that trend has probably passed if a guy like me is just starting to notice how ubiquitous it has become.

:-)

LOL!!!