Armadillo

So, I was in the shower this morning, all lathered up, when it happened.  I was mindlessly scratching an armpit when I accidentally dislodged an armadillo. 
 
Yeah.  An Armadillo. 
 
For a moment, we just stared at each other.  I was shocked.  He was a bit surprised, too.  Then I said, "Dude!"
 
He shook the water out of his eyes and said, "Oh, that's the last straw!  What is your problem?"
 
"What are you doing there?" I asked.
 
"I was trying to sleep in, of course!  Everyday, you get up at some ridiculously early hour, hose yourself down for no apparent reason, and then stagger around the house until you pour yourself some coffee and get some becan.  You never even think to offer me a cup or a few slices, now do you?"
 
"I...I...I...didn't know you were there", I stammered.  "Hey!  Just how long have you been there, anyway?"
 
"I don't know.  I guess it's been about 3 or 4 years."
 
"3 or 4 years!  How is it possible that I never noticed before?"
 
"Well, you're not exactly the fastest truck on the road."
 
"But", I began.
 
"Yeah, I know" he said.  "You're having trouble accepting this version of reality.  Your mind is frantically attempting to fill in the blanks.  Your world view is warping to embrace this without completely coming apart at the seams."  He paused and flicked his tail.  "Well, Deal with It!", he yelled.  "I'm coming back up and we'll just pretend this conversation never happened!"
 
He sank his claws into my shin and tried to climb up my leg.  I backhanded him, but he clung tightly and continued his ascent.  With a yell, I grabbed his shell and tore him from my thigh.  I wrapped him up in the shower curtain and threw him to the ground.  He struggled, but I finally beat him senseless with a bunny slipper.  It took a while.
 
Panting from the exertion, I straightened up.  "At least that's over", I said with relief.
 
I felt a slight nibble on my earlobe.  "Glad he's gone.  He talks in his sleep", said my ear ferret.

pffft...just one?!

I was so shaken by the expeience that I fogot to include the lette "R".

It's been coected now.

what's a "lette"? or a "coected?"

you seem to be dropping your "R's" lately.  I think you need to see a specialist.  you should make an appointment with my service contractor, TheBouy Ltd.  we'll help you work through whatever problem it is that you're having lately with dropping your R's.  it probably has something to do with blaming your mother for everything that's ever gone wrong in your life, but we'll need at least a year's worth of therapy at 2 hours per day for the first installment.

TheBouy will take care of billing as well.  insurance is not accepted.  Visa, Mastercard and Paypal is, tho.  and no, we don't take becan in trade.  we tried that for a while but we kept getting TURKEY Becan mixed in with the real slices.  it was disconcerting to say the least.

[Looks around frantically]

Is that Moth back again?  I thought it was secured in that Pit.  You know, the Moth Pit?

I weally understand your problem.

UbiquitousBubba


[sits on his hands]

I have no recollection of that, Senator.

I ran out of gas. 

I had a flat tire.

I didn't have enough money for cab fare.

My tux didn't come back from the cleaners.

An old friend came in from out of town.

Someone stole my car.

There was an earthquake.

A terrible flood!

Locusts!

IT WASN'T MY FAULT

UbiquitousBubba Gold Member

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No one ever points that out twice.

 
 
 

We called them that as well..... Lived in Florida for about 4 years before we saw a live one. My wife kept insisting that they were plastic and that the road department would go around on certain evenings strategically placing them on the side of the road.

The one we had actually tunneled under our lime tree. And my wife and Sister-in-law were convinced that they were going to flush it out with a hose .... Of course they both fought over who was going to watch and who was going to turn on the water.......

hmmm...Amadillo and no comment from Thee Ed...


coincidence? i think not...

I'm holding out until the "Well-Fed Artist" stereotype becomes available.

I didn't get where I am today by starving.

[looks around]

Apparently, I didn't get where I am with thoughtful planning, either.

 
I can't wait to see what falls off the poor bugger tomorrow

That would explain all the men in suits, with ear pieces and matching sunglasses, strategically located around my house.  I had thought they were just neighbors who spent an inordinate amount of their free time standing around my property line and staring.  I did think it was strange that none of them seemed to have a pitchfork or a torch (burning stick thing for our British friends).

When I get home tonight, it may be time to play, "Welcome to Bubba's 'Modified' Electric Fence".  That can be quite entertaining once they're able to stand upright again.

[side note]
have you ever seen an armadillo run?  (I know, most people have never even seen them ALIVE).

those suckers are FAST!

I enjoy hate being the bearer of bad news but, research has shown that armadillos are potentially a vector for leprosy.  So if you have a dry, itchy spot in might not be psoriasis.

http://www.cnn.com/2011/H...ing.leprosy/index.html

Armadillos on the half shell - mmmm!