AnsweredBapu's (and others) random thoughts for the day.

bapu


A gorilla was walking through the jungle when he came across a deer eating grass in a clearing. The gorilla roared, 'Who is the king of the jungle?'and the deer replied, 'Oh, you are, Master.' The gorilla walked off pleased. Soon he came across a zebra drinking at a water hole. The gorilla roared, 'Who is the king of the jungle?' and the zebra replied, 'Oh, you are, Master.' The gorilla walked off pleased. Then he came across an elephant. 'Who is the king of the jungle?' he roared. With that, the elephant threw the gorilla across a tree and jumped on him. The gorilla scraped himself up off the ground and said, 'Okay, okay, there's no need to get mad just because you don't know the answer.

See, that a funny joke.


You know why it's funny?


Not because the animals talk.


Elephants can't jump.


Hilarious, ya?

bapu

bapu


A gorilla was walking through the jungle when he came across a deer eating grass in a clearing. The gorilla roared, 'Who is the king of the jungle?'and the deer replied, 'Oh, you are, Master.' The gorilla walked off pleased. Soon he came across a zebra drinking at a water hole. The gorilla roared, 'Who is the king of the jungle?' and the zebra replied, 'Oh, you are, Master.' The gorilla walked off pleased. Then he came across an elephant. 'Who is the king of the jungle?' he roared. With that, the elephant threw the gorilla across a tree and jumped on him. The gorilla scraped himself up off the ground and said, 'Okay, okay, there's no need to get mad just because you don't know the answer.

See, that a funny joke.


You know why it's funny?


Not because the animals talk.


Elephants can't jump.


Hilarious, ya?

Ya.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 
 

I'm really afraid certain this fred will get to 250 pages.

Will the internestwebbie explode then?

bapu


I'm really afraid certain this fred will get to 250 pages.

Will the internestwebbie explode then?

On the contrary. I think it will enhance it and it might be a good idea to start cataloguing this Fred in subject matter as there's a large amount of material that needs to be re-harsed.

.

.

Prolly TOS violation cuz of the language.

Chaos Choir


 THANKS BAPU! I'll put it in a text version and change the offensive language!!!
 
 

Might not be as funny unless you use &u***^g.

. 

quit ape'in around

Daryl,

Got a blatent plug in THIS FRED?

Noice?

Two nuns were walking through the zoo.. a sister and a novice...
they passed (guess..thats right, you got it) the Gorilla cage and as they looked in, the gorilla grabbed the sister and yanked her trhough the bars.. habit went flying and gorillas do what they do with lady gorillas (if you know what i mean which i am sure you do because even i dont spend 24/7 in front of sonar)..and then tossed the nun and her clothes out of the cage...
The novice was horrified and watched in silence as the nun hastily put on her (whatevers) and habit.. the nud turns to the novice and says embarassed.."child, do not speak of this to anyone, at any time as long as you live..do you hear me"?..
"yes sister" she replied.
They weny back to the abbey and nothing was said that day
nor that week
and not even that month
and yes you got it, not that year
and the world turned, the days into weeks into months into years and lots of them passed..
and lots more
and still a few more years past
and one more
ok fine.. and one for luck
So then (after one more year had passed) the sister nun, who was now mother superior, was laying in her death bed (and you so know there is some sort of punchline coming which there better had be or you guys will be pissed at me for wasting your time)..
So.. she laid on her death bed for another year (i did not say i wouldnt waste your time now did i?)
and it finally came to pass (after another year) that it was time for the last rites and the nuns filed in one by one to pay their last respects
(are you getting anxious?..feel free to go to the bathroom, have a sandwich..even go to the bar if you want)
so the nuns filed in to pay their last respects, and as there was a lot of them.. it took another year...(see told you to go pee)
and then finally (yes, honest..finally), the novice from the zoo visit went to see the mother superior (and at this point i did in fact resist the temptation to say she broke her leg and had to recuperate for some period of time which coincidently would more than likely have been something not quite entirely unlike a year in length)...
so ... (are yu still there?.. ok fine, i shall continue)..
so she came up to the bedside to pay her last respects.. and leaned over the mother superior weeping in angst (whatever that is..but it dont sound good)..and said "Dear Reverend Mother.. may i ask a question"?
"Yes my child.. at this time you may ask anything"..
"Reverend Mother.. do you remember that day, so many years ago...when we visited the zoo"?..
"Yes, Yes my child..I rememebr it too well" she said with a shudder..
The sister continued.."I have kept silent all these years about that day as you requested.. but i have a question about that day"
The Mother superior looked quickly around to see that nobody was listening and quietly said "proceed my child"..
"reverend mother.. what that gorilla did to you was horrific....... may i ask..... did it hurt"?
.
..
...
(you wont like this)
....
.....
......
(but it is a apey gorillary thing theme so you asked for it even though you didnt)
.......
........
.........
The mother superior said...
...
"did it hurt"?

"DID it HURT"??

"Of course it bloody hurt ... he never rang, he never wrote... i never saw him again!"

Brevity is not your strong suit Mystic.

bapu


Brevity is not your strong suit Mystic.

poop..if only i had looked up brevity BEFORE i wrote the joke!

Mesh

bapu


I'm really afraid certain this fred will get to 250 pages.

Will the internestwebbie explode then?

On the contrary. I think it will enhance it and it might be a good idea to start cataloguing this Fred in subject matter as there's a large amount of material that needs to be re-harsed.

In no Particular order
 
1 Arse
2. Monkies/gorillas/primates
3 kitties
4 shameless pugs or plugs
5. funny jokes
6 unfunny jokes
7.food and derivatives of
8 ducks
9 post counts
10. yellow ribbons
11.sex,drugs,rock and roll
12 references to British athletes/games/tv programmes/comics/books
 

bapu


Daryl,

Got a blatent plug in THIS FRED?

Noice?

Splendid - plugtastic

Chaos Choir

I like monkeys

daryl1968

Chaos Choir

I like monkeys

the doggy looks mean , like he is all torqued up

musicman100

daryl1968

Chaos Choir

I like monkeys

the doggy looks mean , like he is all torqued up

Bravo sir, bravo
 

As I was just about to open the front door to leave, my girlfriend stopped me.

"I don't want you to go," she said, "I want you here with me so I can empty your sack."

I paused to think for a moment, then said, "No, these kittens aren't going to drown themselves you know."

SteveStrummerUK


As I was just about to open the front door to leave, my girlfriend stopped me.

"I don't want you to go," she said, "I want you here with me so I can empty your sack."

I paused to think for a moment, then said, "No, these kittens aren't going to drown themselves you know."

:)
 
 
 
hang on a minute, I like kittens

SteveStrummerUK


As I was just about to open the front door to leave, my girlfriend stopped me.

"I don't want you to go," she said, "I want you here with me so I can empty your sack."

I paused to think for a moment, then said, "No, these kittens aren't going to drown themselves you know."

:)
 
 
 
hang on a minute, I like kittens

I've phoned the radio station twenty times now, asking them to play 'Kate Bush'.

It's a premium rate number you know....






I'm really running up that bill.

daryl1968

SteveStrummerUK


As I was just about to open the front door to leave, my girlfriend stopped me.

"I don't want you to go," she said, "I want you here with me so I can empty your sack."

I paused to think for a moment, then said, "No, these kittens aren't going to drown themselves you know."

:)
 
 
 
hang on a minute, I like kittens

 

daryl1968

SteveStrummerUK


As I was just about to open the front door to leave, my girlfriend stopped me.

"I don't want you to go," she said, "I want you here with me so I can empty your sack."

I paused to think for a moment, then said, "No, these kittens aren't going to drown themselves you know."

:)
 
 
 
hang on a minute, I like kittens

 
 
 
You like them TWICE as much as I thunked
 

SteveStrummerUK

daryl1968

SteveStrummerUK


As I was just about to open the front door to leave, my girlfriend stopped me.

"I don't want you to go," she said, "I want you here with me so I can empty your sack."

I paused to think for a moment, then said, "No, these kittens aren't going to drown themselves you know."

:)
 
 
 
hang on a minute, I like kittens

 

daryl1968

SteveStrummerUK


As I was just about to open the front door to leave, my girlfriend stopped me.

"I don't want you to go," she said, "I want you here with me so I can empty your sack."

I paused to think for a moment, then said, "No, these kittens aren't going to drown themselves you know."

:)
 
 
 
hang on a minute, I like kittens

 
 
 
You like them TWICE as much as I thunked
 

they're siamese kittens

SteveStrummerUK


As I was just about to open the front door to leave, my girlfriend stopped me.

"I don't want you to go," she said, "I want you here with me so I can empty your sack."

I paused to think for a moment, then said, "No, these kittens aren't going to drown themselves you know."

At least it wasn't Mrs  Slocombes .......

The new superhero, Irony Man, has been turned down for a film deal.





American audiences couldn't understand it.

Woot woot wootitty wootage !!!!


Oi slim - banner plz.

Limbo

Pfft....


Boil a live lobster and you're a chef...


But boil a live kitten and suddenly it's a big deal.

daryl1968


Limbo

 
A limbo dancer married a locksmith yesterday...

 
 
 
 
The wedding was low key.
 
 

SteveStrummerUK


Pfft....


Boil a live lobster and you're a chef...


But boil a live kitten and suddenly it's a big deal.

Chortle.

SteveStrummerUK

daryl1968


Limbo

 
A limbo dancer married a locksmith yesterday...

 
 
 
 
The wedding was low key.
 
 

Chortle.

I was sitting in the pub sinking a few jars and chatting to some birds when one of them said "I heard that you were a limbo dancer?"

"Yeah I am." I replied.

"Come on then, how low can you go?" she enquired.

I said "Well, if I was desperate then I'd probably steal from a kid in a wheelchair."

SteveStrummerUK


I was sitting in the pub sinking a few jars and chatting to some birds when one of them said "I heard that you were a limbo dancer?"

"Yeah I am." I replied.

"Come on then, how low can you go?" she enquired.

I said "Well, if I was desperate then I'd probably steal from a kid in a wheelchair."

Chortle¹⁰

daryl1968

GW likes kitties, also ????

I've decided to become a boat builder.


I just put a kitten, egg whites and sugar into a blender....


I'm going to make a catermeringue.

ewe shure r doggedly going about that recipe

musicman100

daryl1968

GW likes kitties, also ????

In a white wine sauce. 

awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww how kute

musicman100


awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww how kute

MM100 - they are indeed kute but what do you think of this Mexican Meerkat?
 

daryl1968

musicman100


awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww how kute

MM100 - they are indeed kute but what do you think of this Mexican Meerkat?
 

He's an imposter, he doesn't even look like a Meerkat. He looks too Chinchillary

Jonbouy

daryl1968

musicman100


awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww how kute

MM100 - they are indeed kute but what do you think of this Mexican Meerkat?

He's an imposter, he doesn't even look like a Meerkat. He looks too Chinchillary

shhhhhh - he's in disguise
 
 
by the way I realllly like Meerkats - they are my fayvrit
 

Hey, hey we're the Meerkats.  And people say we Meerkat around.  

Old55


Hey, hey we're the Meerkats.  And people say we Meerkat around.  

YES - let's have a look at a 'gang' of Meerkats
 

Outstanding in their field.  

Old55


Outstanding in their field.  

indeed Sir Jan of Californiashire - 
 
 
 

I wonder if their moms complain about their posture.  

Always, always....

It's in the Mom handbook.  

I hope this fred is on a new page by the time I wake up.

I'm off for the night.

Good night, Squire.  

Same to you Jan of Californiashire.

Why are they called mere cats, anyway?  

daryl1968

Old55


Hey, hey we're the Meerkats.  And people say we Meerkat around.  

YES - let's have a look at a 'gang' of Meerkats
 

Those meerkats have the same eye make-up as the local traffic reporter lady.  

Got woot?

Because they meer?

I really like Meerkats.

They are good plane-spotters.