tom1
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Can't make this stuff up
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Sixty-four unskilled workers will report to new jobs in Washington, D.C. on Tuesday as part of a federal jobs program that provides employment for people unable to find productive work elsewhere.
The new hires, who have no talents or abilities that would make them employable in most workplaces, will be earning a first-year salary of $174,000.
For that sum, the new employees will be expected to work a hundred and thirty-seven days a year, leaving them with two hundred and twenty-eight days of vacation.
Some critics have blasted the federal jobs program as too expensive, noting that the workers were chosen last November in a bloated and wasteful selection process that cost the nation nearly four billion dollars.
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michaelhanson
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Re: Can't make this stuff up
2015/01/09 13:34:28
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Sounds like they will be working for either The House or Senate. 😃
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ampfixer
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Re: Can't make this stuff up
2015/01/09 13:44:41
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That must be 174k for ALL of them.
Regards, John I want to make it clear that I am an Eedjit. I have no direct, or indirect, knowledge of business, the music industry, forum threads or the meaning of life. I know about amps. WIN 10 Pro X64, I7-3770k 16 gigs, ASUS Z77 pro, AMD 7950 3 gig, Steinberg UR44, A-Pro 500, Sonar Platinum, KRK Rokit 6
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Mesh
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Re: Can't make this stuff up
2015/01/09 13:48:17
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Finally...........................there's some hope for future of the country.
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slartabartfast
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Re: Can't make this stuff up
2015/01/09 14:07:06
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☄ Helpfulby craigb 2015/01/09 14:52:48
tom1
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Sixty-four unskilled workers will report to new jobs in Washington, D.C. on Tuesday as part of a federal jobs program that provides employment for people unable to find productive work elsewhere.
The new hires, who have no talents or abilities that would make them employable in most workplaces, will be earning a first-year salary of $174,000.
For that sum, the new employees will be expected to work a hundred and thirty-seven days a year, leaving them with two hundred and twenty-eight days of vacation.
Some critics have blasted the federal jobs program as too expensive, noting that the workers were chosen last November in a bloated and wasteful selection process that cost the nation nearly four billion dollars.
Borowitz Report? Really? I get all my news from The Onion.
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spacealf
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Re: Can't make this stuff up
2015/01/09 14:10:13
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☄ Helpfulby craigb 2015/01/09 14:52:57
They are there to start a bar tab and prostitute ring.
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bapu
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Re: Can't make this stuff up
2015/01/09 14:10:44
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Randy P
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Re: Can't make this stuff up
2015/01/09 14:33:57
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slartabartfast
tom1
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Sixty-four unskilled workers will report to new jobs in Washington, D.C. on Tuesday as part of a federal jobs program that provides employment for people unable to find productive work elsewhere.
The new hires, who have no talents or abilities that would make them employable in most workplaces, will be earning a first-year salary of $174,000.
For that sum, the new employees will be expected to work a hundred and thirty-seven days a year, leaving them with two hundred and twenty-eight days of vacation.
Some critics have blasted the federal jobs program as too expensive, noting that the workers were chosen last November in a bloated and wasteful selection process that cost the nation nearly four billion dollars.
Borowitz Report? Really?
I get all my news from The Onion.
THIS! Come on man, if you are going to post something that's an obvious TOS violation, at least do the diligence to quote something that's from a actual news source!
http://www.soundclick.com/riprorenband
The music biz is a cruel and shallow money trench,a plastic hallway where thieves & pimps run free and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side. Hunter S. Thompson
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tom1
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Re: Can't make this stuff up
2015/01/09 15:47:00
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@rsp you might see if you can find a sense of humor somewhere I thought the Borowitz News was obvious to everyone. Andy Borowitz (born January 4, 1958) is an American writer, comedian, and actor. Borowitz is a New York Times-bestselling author who won the first National Press Club award for humor. He is known for creating the satirical column The Borowitz Report, which has an audience in the millions
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bapu
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Re: Can't make this stuff up
2015/01/09 15:56:06
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☼ Best Answerby Beagle 2015/01/09 16:29:42
So, apparently someone "can make this stuff up".
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tom1
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Re: Can't make this stuff up
2015/01/09 16:10:33
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So, apparently someone "can make this stuff up".
Precisely :)
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Randy P
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Re: Can't make this stuff up
2015/01/09 16:38:30
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Tom, I knew who he was, but if you've been around here long enough and remember the old Coffee House, not everyone in these parts gets this stuff. Just trying to head off the meltdown that almost always follows any sort of political post. Satirical or not.  Randy
http://www.soundclick.com/riprorenband
The music biz is a cruel and shallow money trench,a plastic hallway where thieves & pimps run free and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side. Hunter S. Thompson
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slartabartfast
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Re: Can't make this stuff up
2015/01/09 17:43:05
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Didn't mean to get dragged into coffee combat.
Claiming that elected U. S. officials of both political parties are largely unsuited to the task before them can hardly be in violation of the TOS restrictions on political posting. It may run afoul of the pointing-out-that-the-sky-is-up prohibition.
Now claiming that there is overwhelming scientific evidence that greenhouse gases from human industry is having an effect on the environment, that clearly is an irresponsible political statement.
If we are to start enforcing the principles of the coffee house, then every post should be music related. To that end, I should point out that the Congress of the United States is one of the lousiest glee clubs on earth.
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dubdisciple
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Re: Can't make this stuff up
2015/01/09 17:53:37
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I guess a post like this is a good example that journalism and humor are not that different. Journalism, particularly when it comes to politics or hot button issues like race, guns, religion, etc has pretty much abandoned objectivity in favor of fanning the flames of ideology. It doesn't shock me that some would assume this is real because I see posts just like ths on supposedly serious sites daily.
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yorolpal
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Re: Can't make this stuff up
2015/01/09 21:31:51
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The pitiful thing is that some Mensa member wannabes would actually think something like this could be true. But the "stuff you really can't make up" is either way less absurd or way more.
Lighten up, Francis.
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jude77
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Re: Can't make this stuff up
2015/01/10 11:12:17
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I'm a bit bummed to discover this was a joke, because I'm pretty sure I qualified . . . .
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mudgel
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Re: Can't make this stuff up
2015/01/11 01:09:58
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Does this mean I have to be serious in the Coffee House? I'm confused.x
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craigb
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Re: Can't make this stuff up
2015/01/11 20:26:41
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mudgel
Does this mean I have to be serious in the Coffee House? I'm confused.x
Shirley you can't be serious!  (Though it IS acceptable to be seriously confused.)
Time for all of you to head over to Beyond My DAW!
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