Do Opposite Polar Bears Attract?

This morning, I was driving to work, inching along the expressway in rush hour traffic.  I was bored.  There's road construction everywhere, people are amped up and borderline psychotic, and there's nowhere to go.  I noticed a white figure just off the road on a hillside.  As I crept closer, I saw that it was a polar bear.  Not just any polar bear.  This one was sitting in a lawn chair and sipping an iced tea through a curly straw.  As I watched, it stretched, yawned, then put on some pink sunglasses.
 
I thought this was odd, but then the top of the hillside opened up.  There was a tremendous roar, like breakers at the ocean, then a huge purple wave washed over the hill and swept the road crews (and most of the traffic) away.  Once it passed, I found myself sitting next to the polar bear in my own lawn chair.  Gnomes, Pixies, and Sprites ran past us.  A gargoyle wearing a black suit and a fez offered me a beverage. 
 
The polar bear leaned over and said, "You're probably thinking that this is somewhat atypical, right?"
 
"Yeah" I answered.  "What's going on?"
 
The bear absently scratched her back for a moment.  "You could blame it on Global Warming.  That wouldn't be accurate, but you could think that if it helps you process this."
 
"Is it due to Global Warming?"
 
"No, but you can think it is.  The truth is, I just needed more space.  The unicorns were getting in the way.  They're so annoying.  All day long it's, 'You can't eat me!  I'm endangered!'  Besides, they're stringy and the taste like chicken."
 
I considered this for a moment.  "You're a polar bear, though.  Don't you need a cool climate?"
 
"I'm sick and tired of everyone thinking they know what I want!" she exclaimed.  "Just because he likes it cold, he expects me to stay all year long in the frozen north?  I told him I wanted to take a vacation.  So, I'm here to work on my tan.  I'm not entirely sure why the big cats are here."  She pointed behind us.  I turned around and shrieked like a little school Bubba.  A lion shook its mane and ambled closer.  A black panther crept along a tree branch.  There was a blur, and then a cheetah sat nearby, tying its shoes.
 
The gargoyle returned with a large platter of becan.  The cats pounced on it and the becan vanished before I could get to it.  I was really disappointed.  The cheetah rubbed it's head on my leg.  I reached down to rub it between the ears, but the bear stopped me.  "Just because you're disappointed, that's no reason to feel Cheetah'd."
 
"That's an awful pun" I said loudly.  I had to speak up to be heard over the background noise.  "Was that intentional?"
 
"No pun in Ten did", the bear answered.
 
"Now you're just quoting lines from the Coffee House!" I protested.
 
"Am I?  Am I really?"
 
"Yes!  You just did it again!"
 
"What?"  The noise was really loud now. 
 
I cupped my hands around my mouth and yelled.  "I Said, You Just Did It Again!"
 
The bear said something about Polar Bear Opposites and Non-Sequiturs, but I couldn't follow it.  The cacophany sounded like loud horns, screeching, and screaming all mixed together.
 
"What?" I screamed again.  The bear didn't answer.  She merely faded away along with the big cats.  The gargoyle turned to me and took my empty glass.  "Wait", I said.  "I missed that last bit.  What did she say?"
 
"Some things" he intoned deeply, "We must learn for ourselves.  Good day, sir."  He bowed and vanished.
 
I rolled down my window and screamed to all of the other drivers, "Hey!  All that noise is ruining my naptime!"
 
Some drivers have no common courtesy. 

it sounds like you were having a dipole moment

are you taking  Ambien by any chance?

side effects

 I enjoyed the story though....

UbiquitousBubba


No Ambien. 

Actually it's; "Yes, Ambein all The CHB songs."

UbiquitousBubba


This morning, I was driving to work, inching along the expressway in rush hour traffic.  I was bored.  There's road construction everywhere, people are amped up and borderline psychotic, and there's nowhere to go.  I noticed a white figure just off the road on a hillside.  As I crept closer, I saw that it was a polar bear.  Not just any polar bear.  This one was sitting in a lawn chair and sipping an iced tea through a curly straw.  As I watched, it stretched, yawned, then put on some pink sunglasses.
 
I thought this was odd, but then the top of the hillside opened up.  There was a tremendous roar, like breakers at the ocean, then a huge purple wave washed over the hill and swept the road crews (and most of the traffic) away.  Once it passed, I found myself sitting next to the polar bear in my own lawn chair.  Gnomes, Pixies, and Sprites ran past us.  A gargoyle wearing a black suit and a fez offered me a beverage. 
 
The polar bear leaned over and said, "You're probably thinking that this is somewhat atypical, right?"
 
"Yeah" I answered.  "What's going on?"
 
The bear absently scratched her back for a moment.  "You could blame it on Global Warming.  That wouldn't be accurate, but you could think that if it helps you process this."
 
"Is it due to Global Warming?"
 
"No, but you can think it is.  The truth is, I just needed more space.  The unicorns were getting in the way.  They're so annoying.  All day long it's, 'You can't eat me!  I'm endangered!'  Besides, they're stringy and the taste like chicken."
 
I considered this for a moment.  "You're a polar bear, though.  Don't you need a cool climate?"
 
"I'm sick and tired of everyone thinking they know what I want!" she exclaimed.  "Just because he likes it cold, he expects me to stay all year long in the frozen north?  I told him I wanted to take a vacation.  So, I'm here to work on my tan.  I'm not entirely sure why the big cats are here."  She pointed behind us.  I turned around and shrieked like a little school Bubba.  A lion shook its mane and ambled closer.  A black panther crept along a tree branch.  There was a blur, and then a cheetah sat nearby, tying its shoes.
 
The gargoyle returned with a large platter of becan.  The cats pounced on it and the becan vanished before I could get to it.  I was really disappointed.  The cheetah rubbed it's head on my leg.  I reached down to rub it between the ears, but the bear stopped me.  "Just because you're disappointed, that's no reason to feel Cheetah'd."
 
"That's an awful pun" I said loudly.  I had to speak up to be heard over the background noise.  "Was that intentional?"
 
"No pun in Ten did", the bear answered.
 
"Now you're just quoting lines from the Coffee House!" I protested.
 
"Am I?  Am I really?"
 
"Yes!  You just did it again!"
 
"What?"  The noise was really loud now. 
 
I cupped my hands around my mouth and yelled.  "I Said, You Just Did It Again!"
 
The bear said something about Polar Bear Opposites and Non-Sequiturs, but I couldn't follow it.  The cacophany sounded like loud horns, screeching, and screaming all mixed together.
 
"What?" I screamed again.  The bear didn't answer.  She merely faded away along with the big cats.  The gargoyle turned to me and took my empty glass.  "Wait", I said.  "I missed that last bit.  What did she say?"
 
"Some things" he intoned deeply, "We must learn for ourselves.  Good day, sir."  He bowed and vanished.
 
I rolled down my window and screamed to all of the other drivers, "Hey!  All that noise is ruining my naptime!"
 
Some drivers have no common courtesy. 

  You have one heck of a good imagination..... I wonder where you pull some of the stuff you write from. You should be writing books if you don't already.

Old55


Is that Am bien?  Translation:  A minor is good?

Se post #7 for a full disclosure.

Am isn't good.  Am isn't bad.  It Am what it Am.  Our task is to accept it as it Am.

I tripped over it.  It was just there.  No one knows why...

UbiquitousBubba


I tripped over it.  It was just there.  No one knows why...

Do The poles of opposite bears attract? 

SteveStrummerUK


 
"Mummy, am I really a polar bear?"
 
"Yes darling, of course you're a polar bear"
 
"Are you sure mummy?"
 
"Yes sweetums, now finish your seal and go to bed"
 
"Mummy, I don't think I'm a polar bear"
 
"Now don't be silly with all of your nonsense, you're a polar bear"
 
"Are you absolutely one hundred percent certain I'm a polar bear mummy?"
 
"Yes dear, why do you ask?"
 
"Because I'm feckin' freezing"
 
 
 

Classic Straummy!