Ducky - you be beautiful too

DUCKY (as in ugly duckling) :
 
I guess it’s rock tune of some sort and here’s a little background. For those of us that have kids, we watch them go from pre-school through high school and hopefully college. . . all through school, we find the same thing – the cliques:  the popular, the UNpopular and all those in the middle. As kids grow, the groups they fall into may change – but sometimes they don’t. It can get brutal.
 
 
So I wrote this song about a parent/sibling who it talking to a very unhappy little girl. Her life at school is horrible. He is trying to cheer her up in his own awkward way… to give her  hope where he can – he just wants her to be happy.
 
The vocal is pretty sucky (hey it sounds like Ducky!)  – I hired a girl to sing this but so far she hasn’t managed to get coordinated with me – this is my “demo vocal” for her.
 
So, please feel free to check it out and comment – just don’t be cruel!
 
http://www.onlytheunusual.com/MannyYtuarte/NewTune/Ducky.htm
 
 
A few things I am well aware of – the drums are a single loop throughout – not a change anywhere. I experimented a lot but always came back to the repetitive feel of this pattern. Bass gets lost now and then – my slap technique is inconsistent. Other than that I’m okay with most of this and expect to remix when the girl sings it for me.
 
Cheers!
 
Here are the lyrics – they’re also on the song page.
 
Ducky (you be beautiful too)
 
Here you go again, runnin’ to your room and then
Hidin’out, you ride it out
Curled up deep inside of your own little world
 
Push it all away, every thing you heard ‘em say
Let it drop, make it stop
Never, let ’em see how it hurts little girl
 
I know it’s tough for you in school
I know those kids can be so cruel
 
The little pretty ones, pointin’ fingers poking fun
Put you down, push you around
And nothing you can do can make them take it all back
 
Laughin’ at your hair, laughin’ at the clothes you wear but
They don’t know, nothing though,
Deep inside you’re diamonds and gold . . that’s a fact
 
I know they’re treating so bad
I know it’s making you so sad
 
But Ducky you be strong
And Ducky you be true and
And Ducky – you be beautiful too
 
Like a precious pearl, the beauty lies within you girl
Let it out, never doubt
A better day is comin’ girl just give it some time
 
So I don’t wanna see another tear don’t wanna hear no
Sighin’ now, cryin’ now
baby don’t you know that this all turns out fine
 
And all this gray will turn to blue
And all your sun come shinin’ through
 
So Ducky you be strong
And Ducky you be true and
And Ducky – you be beautiful too
 
Yeah, Ducky you stand tall
And Ducky you get through
And Ducky – you be beautiful too
 
Instrumental Section…
 
 
 
Bah-dah da  da dah,,,
 
And all this gray will turn to blue
And all your sun come shinin’ through
 
But Ducky you be strong
And Ducky you be true and
And Ducky – you be beautiful too
 
Yeah, Ducky you stand tall
And Ducky you get through
And Ducky – you be beautiful,you be beautiful, Ducky you be beautiful  too
 

Love it! I'd like to hear the vox more though.

hey, manny - this is pretty good but the vocals are hard to hear and understand.

Hey Manny,
This is a beautiful song.  The message is needed more then we adults know.  Vox aren't terrible just buried a bit.  I like the rhythmic interplay going on with the drums guitar and synth line...grooving tapestry.     There is something happening to the bass after the first D note of every verse....it disappears until around the 2nd A.  Those 2 notes are clear but the others are getting lost..at least on these small speakers it is.
It's a great song and the mix sounds fine except for the shy bass sections.

This song is one of those special bright lights in this forum. It shines brightly to me because this song describes the most painful period of my life--junior high. And I'm still stuck there, cowering below surface scars left from it.

As I listened and read your words, I thought  How could a man possibly understand exactly what we girls goes through and how we feel? How can he know that we curl up and hide within ourselves? And where was this song when I needed it most?

These words are amazingly right on. Except for one thing, maybe:

In the description to us, you wrote that this is a father comforting his daughter. But the song doesn't make that clear. I can understand if you want a generic song for all girls to relate to, but if you want to involve the story that this is a father talking to her girl, can't you write that in there somewhere? Then the name Ducky would make more sense to us, because then we'd know it's a father's pet name for his daughter.

But if you want a generic song, I wouldn't think Ducky fits.  Now remember who this is coming from. I don't write lyrics, and I don't even write good music. (My music kinda stays eternally in the idea stages, because I'm too lazy to make something of it.)

But that's what struck me as I listened to it. I think you've got the words that can elevate this to hit status if you'll push. I look at it in the list of forum songs now and I feel good just seeing it.

NH, Freddy and Frank– thanks for the feedback. I flip flop back and forth between canning a tune and reworking it. This one in particular has been a source of angst in that part of me wanted to simply write something that wasn’t particularly cool but was completely from the heart. So I tried, but something just felt wrong – my vocal of course – I can think it, but I can’t perform it. The hired singer proved to be a frustrating experience and just today I told her to hold off as I was considering making some changes. I now hear bad guitar notes that I’d not noticed before,,, and a few other things – back to the mix and back to the tracks. I’ll try to fix the bad notes and correct some of the vocal issues. And thanks, your opinions do mean something for sure.
 
Peggysue – thank you so much. Your words are exactly what I needed to hear. To think that you were moved in some way is the greatest feeling in the world. I truly appreciate your taking the time to say so. I understand what you’re saying about having something in the lyric that shows this is the father – in truth I wrote it from a sister point of view because I did not think a father would have the same credibility that a sister would. I visualized a big sister talking to the younger one trying to help her see her way through a tough time. Ducky seemed like a nickname that might be used by any family member.
 
I have two daughters – 10 years apart (currently they’re 18 and 28) and I have seen for myself what happens in school. In my mind, this was my older girl talking to my little one – about 10 years ago. I would give anything to be able to sing and express things as I feel them – but it’s not in the cards though, so I treat each song as it comes. I will go back and work on this – thanks mostly to the encouragement I receive here.
 
Thank you all!

I really like songs that are about 'real-life' situations, so, well done Manny! Great lyrics.

This may sound a bit weird, but your vox reminded me of David Bowie in spots.

Larry

Manny,  Holy smokes this has quite a lot more verve.
Very very nice vocals.  I love'em like this.   I can hear all of the bass now and it's a whole lot bigger experience of the song....did you bump them up or is it that the vocal tweaking brought out the bass too? 
Very nice work!!!

I reduced a huge sob story here to this: thank you for this song. It restores sanity and healing to those of us affected by cruelty from our fellow grade-schoolers.

Very fascinating tune! It really has some interesting beats (e g that  piano hammering in triplets on the f# - great!) and harmonies. Original and playful. Artists like Lennon and Trent Reznor comes to my mind and yet original.
I was so fascinated by the music that I didn't listen that much to the lyrics. Those are great as well. Awesome songwriting! I'd like to hear this song with a pro vocalist!


edit: Just read there's a girl to sing this song. Please keep me updated.