Re: Entertainment Industry Dictionary
2015/05/13 10:40:56
(permalink)
Hi,
AGENT: a character who resents performers getting 90% of his salary.
CHB definition: the jerk who wishes he was a musician and rips off musicians instead!
ARRANGER: a guy who writes to support a drinking habit.
CHB definition: he, at least knows a few notes in music, unlike the Sex Pimples!
BALLET: an art form for people with eating disorders
CHB definition: (badddddd definition!!!) You obviously never appreaciated a pair of nice legs!
BIG BAND: nowadays, an aggregation consisting of two musicians.
CHB definition: A synthesizer costing 100 bux!
CABARET: a venue where singers do songs from shows that closed out of town.
CHB definition: The bad bar where you can at least get some ___ and ____ after playing an instrument for an hour or two. Some folks might think you will make it and be your friend! Now, that is an investment, hopefully not in the need of antibiotics!
CARPAL TUNNEL SYNDROME: god's way of telling you that you've practiced too much....
CHB definition: The music is not worth it!
CHANTEUSE: a singer with an accent and no time.
CHB definition: At least she can claim a side note on Catherine Ribeiro or Dagmar Krause for the ideas about singing.
CRUISE SHIP WORK: a gig that gives a musician two reasons to throw up.
CHB definition: Where YES, will enjoy getting paid and not care if fans are sick or not!
HOTEL PIANIST: a guy who looks good in a tux.
CHB definition: The penguin at the door that is not clapping, and looks like he knows music!
JAZZ: the only true american art form beloved by europeans.
CHB definition: Music that has unnatural breaks in it, with Bapu dancing to it in those parts! At least, we know it's music!
JAZZ FESTIVAL: an event attended by folks who think Coltrane is a car on the B&O railroad.
CHB definition: Carefull with what you dream up ... Magma and Rio will be coming after you!
METRONOME: the archenemy of chanteuses and cantors.
CHB definition: The worst thing ever invented in music!
PEDRO definition: Metronomes are only good for you to sit on and let go! Probably smash while tapping your foot might be safer!
MOVIE COMPOSER: someone who can write like anyone except himself.
CHB definition: NY (not Hollywood) musicians with less talent than most of the ten lick rockers in the Strip!
PEDRO definition: Well, there's always Bernard Herrmann, but not many of us remember him, or listen to him!
NEW AGE : a musical substitute for Valium.
CHB Definition: Music that has as much depth as ... (not saying it!)
PEDRO definition: Music for people that do not know that music actually exists and that it was being done 30 years before the fad, by frustrated housewives!
PERCUSSIONIST: a drummer who can't swing.
CHB definition: The extra drummer, that we never thought could add anything.
PEDRO definition: Kinda kills the 3 drummers with King Crimson! The audience is the one that does not have the imagination to swing!
RAGA: the official music of New York's Taxi and Limousine Commission.
CHB definition: That's music with all that improvisation?
PEDRO definition: Give me a tabla and let me ride the wave of emotions in the music. Forget the thinkers that can not appreciate it music for what it is!
24\7: the time signature of the national anthem of India.
CHB definition: Too intimidating to play and consider. Doesn't fit a rock song anyway!
PEDRO definition: A time signature where it helps the song start, continue and finish, not necessarily in that order, and the tape of it is running along side as a loop, and then Eno is making it go backwards, also LIVE, to confuse you even more and not be able to define music or anything that you are hearing ... that's the point!
VIOLA D'AMORE: a baroque string instrument and coincidentally the hooker Bach lost his virginity to.
CHB definition: We don't talk about Viola. That's rather rude, you know!
PEDRO definition: Any excuse will do, sometimes, when in a dire need, and you are broke playing in the club at the end of the world!
Oh well ... had to try it!
Music is not about notes and chords! My poem is not about the computer or monitor or letters! It's about how I was able to translate it from my insides!