A wee scots moment (for comic relief)

Are you Scottish? I am........... You know you are a true Scot if...........
Ye can properly pronounce McConnochie, Ecclefechan, Milngavie, Sauchiehall St , St Enoch, Auchtermuchty and Aufurfuksake.
Yer used tae four seasons in wan day.
Ye kin fall about pished withoot spilling yer drink.
Ye measure distance in minutes. Ye kin understaun Rab C Nesbitt and know characters just like him, in yer ain famely.
Ye kin make hael sentences wae jist sweer wurds.
Ye know whit haggis is made ae and stull like eating it.
Somedy ye ken his used a fitba schedule tae plan thur weddin date.
You've been at a weddin and fitba scores are announced in the Church/Chapel.
Ye urny surprised tae find curries, pizzas, kebabs, fish n chips, iron-bru, fags and nappies all in the wan shop.
Yer holiday home at the seaside has calor gas under it.
Ye know irn-bru is a hangover cure.
Ye actually understand this and yurr gonnae send it tae yer pals. Finally, you are 100% Scot if you have ever said/heard these words:-

chucky stanes
how's it hingin
clatty
clackitty
boggin
cludgie
pished
get it up ye
wee beasties
erse bandit
amurny
areyenogaunadaethat
away an bile yer heid
peely-wally
humphey backit
Ba'-heid
keich
baw bag
dubble nugget
doon tha brae
sha buggar


And finally.......

A wee Glesga wumman goes intae a butcher shop, where the butcher has just came oot the freezer, and is standing haunds ahint his back, with his erse aimed at an electric fire. The wee wumman checks oot the display case then asks, 'Is that yer Ayrshire bacon?'
'Naw,' replies the butcher. 'It's jist ma haun's ah'm heatin'.

If it`s no scottish it`s .....................................................................................................?