Band dynamics - would this make you mad?

It would indeed make me mad...but....

Do you really want to hear what i think?

Given the environment of turning the other cheek i would say to honor the leader's role and bite the bullet....I guarantee it will work to your benefit later down the road. It's a law as sure as gravity.

Good luck with it...it won't be easy.

thats a tough spot for both sides to be in. looking at the information
it appears hes stepping down from the responcibility but once
a CD is in the making he wants to be "back in" for the
"glory" no pun intended.

however church bands are a subject in itself too. this may be
slightly off topic but it seems that a church band has issues to
concider.

what if every one wanted to play in the band?
what if many of the "want to players" were not very good?
what if a good player wanted to play but wasnt allowed to?


and the number of questions and isues could go on forever.

one local church here has about three to four differrent bands
and they rotate. having one person call the shots is both good
and bad sometimes too. good when it keeps things together
but not so good when it others have no say so in whats best
for the situation.

getting the news through email? was it from the leader or hearsay?
from the leader is ok. a call would be better. do you deserve to be
mad? what you really desreve is to be treated with kindness, respect
and appritiation.

thats puts both you and the other guy in the area of "love thy neihber"
i can sure relate to how some people feel sometimes. however
its sometimes a live with it or leave it subject.

here is an example in the secular band world. I played in a band
owned all the P A gear hauled it around in my truck and trailer for the
gigs. got payed nothing for my expence. had little to no say so in
the bands desisions.

my wife at the time was the lead singer. she had an afair with a
guitar player in another band and left. the ban eventualy broke up.
allthough this is far extreme in its comparison. it work out to be
the best thing that ever happened to me.

im not involved in that me my world anymore "as far as bands
and members go" wait it out and try to see where it goes. think of
yourself for your willingness to be a part and contribute. but not
let others dictate your feeling of self worth. which is what is sort of is.

id say if they confronted you and said can we let this other guy play
too on the cd and get our feelings about it you probably say "sure"
because you would feel like your feelings matter.

thats what this seems to be about . love care,respect and
communication. do you deserve to be mad yes and no. but
it aint just about him playing on the cd i dont think.

if it were me id say sure. maybe my feelings might be hurt
but im only human too you know. ill sum it up the the wise words
of the post from

no how

It would indeed make me mad...but....

Do you really want to hear what i think?

Given the environment of turning the other cheek i would say to honor the leader's role and bite the bullet....I guarantee it will work to your benefit later down the road. It's a law as sure as gravity.

Good luck with it...it won't be easy.

jimmy

Dave it seems to me that if the bass player would have come to you and asked your feelings about him wanting to do some parts on the CD you'd said sure that'd be great. My personal advice is don't let the mistakes of others manipulate you. If you don't like emails let people know. If you think the other bassist should have been considerate of your feelings, mention it to him. People make little mistakes and may not know if there is no communication.

Regards,
Michael

on the CD you'd said sure that'd be great. My personal advice is don't let the mistakes of others manipulate you. If you don't like emails let people know. If you think the other bassist should have been considerate of your feelings, mention it to him. People make little mistakes and may not know if there is no communication.

There is great truth in that. I've seen relationships lost because someone didn't know when they were going across an unknown boundary with another person.

Hi Dave,

Yeah handled badly by the others I think, some people don't like confrontation and go for the line of least resistance, causing problems further down the line. Regardless of how he got there, the other bass player should not be muscling his way back into the "glory" gig, I wouldn't do it, and I wouldn't expect it to be done to me. In all these cases though Dave, standing up for yourself will just upset the dynamics even more and potentially backfire on you. I wouldn't worry about it, enjoy the recording gig, offer him your interest, help and full support, I think it will pay dividends in the future.

Peace Love and Understanding

Garry Kiosk

ORIGINAL: AT

Tell her you understand the reasons but it was a piss-poor way to handle the situation. She's the band leader, not dictator or czar. And to notice you are sending your complaint to her only, not the band and the whole church.

@

oh i like that.

Dave,

I understand why this would upset you. Definitely been there more than once.

My advice is to use this incident to try to break the ice with the leader. You never know what conflicts she may be dealing with. I would recommend that you do not try this by email. Set up a meeting and be ready to explain how you feel with non-confrontational language and a servant's heart. You just might develop a much closer relationship with her that is worth much more than playing on a few tracks.

Ignore the actions of the other bass player. That will ease most of your burden.

best,
Murray

If you're not happy "standing in" for the other bass player at his conveinance and the whim of the band leader, don't do it.It's well and fine that's it's a church group and your involvement is a charitable gesture but having your chain yanked in such a manner is rather rude and neglectfull of the strain it puts on you in terms of time and scheduling.

ORIGINAL: dlogan
I guess I'll put my ego in check for the greater good.
Dave

Isn't that the ROLE of the bass player?
I know it is for every bassist I know...

ORIGINAL: Jonbouy

I'd love to have put something here that indicates how gracious I am.

Truth is though, I'd have likely thrown a big hissy fit, walked off in a huff and pondered in a black cloud on how to get revenge on 'em all for several weeks, while they prolly just have a good time doing the CD.

I would like to be bigger than I am though and I do seem to constantly work on it, sometimes I even think I've made a little progress, until some ****bag comes along and stress tests my theories all over again.

I guess the best any of us can do is keep trying.

Very well put Jonbouy, My "advice" in this thread was solely proffered on the basis of "my perfect behavior" and I wasn't honest enough, as you were, to say if I actually was the aggrieved party I might have shown a tad less constraint. This happened to me on a gig on 31st Jan nearly a couple of weeks ago - I am the drummer in a new "party" band put together by our bass player. Crowd loved our first set, just about to start second set, lights go down, bass player turns to me and says "X my old drummer and his wife are over there, I asked them to pop over, mind if he plays a couple of numbers with us this set. Me, "xxxx off no chance it's my gig ONE-TWO-THREE-FOUR..." I was so angry I played like a demented Keith Moon for 50 mins, actually standing on the drum throne at one point for a cymbal outro, I did a second solo while doing a 360 around the kit, all the while staring at the old drummer.... Point was I wasn't going to be treated like that, prearranged in advance and asked nicely, no problem, but not dumped on like that. Most importantly the crowd and the rest of the band loved it and I have discovered some tricks I didn't even know I had in my bag. Hmm come to think of it, not really appropriate for a church band.