'(Who's gonna)Break my fall' Original Song - Remixed

Pretty cool tune. I liked the quality of the vocal but thought it may have been a little loud in comparison to the other instruments. The vocal had a restrained quality to it where certain parts seemed to call for a more forceful attack. I can relate to that since I record in a small apartment and I don't want to scare the neighbors. Some of the pitches in the vocal line where there were larger intervallic jumps were a little shaky. One of the hardest things for a vocalist to do is to sing a melody line where you have to jump between notes that aren't close together. I would suggest using v-vocal, or similar application, to tidy up those "in between" pitches.

Other than those minor quibbles I thought it sounded pretty good.

Thanks guys.  I was way too lazy in trying to get the song posted and gave a very broad brush treatment to pitch correction which led to the funny sounding note transitions.  Agreed it's too loud.  I need to figure out how to eq out a space for it.  Whenever I have it at the leve I want I loose bits of it in the mix.  So I crank it up and hate it anyway.  I wish I could put more spit on the vocal especially popping the chorus but I haven't got anything in the tank for that.  I have a really great singer who I may be able to enlist on this though. 
 
So I appreciate the positive feedback but if I can be honest I was looking for a little more response on this tune as I really enjoyed writing it and I enjoy listening to it now.  45 views in and just 2 responses both of which were nice but luke warm.  Generally that means boring as crap to me.  Can someone help me understand why this song hasn't stood out more?  I don't mean the recording because I know I'm a mediocre musician and engineer.  What is missing from the song itself?
 
I hope to get my son to record the acoustic track tomorrow afternoon and I have undone most of the pitch correction so it sounds much more natural now.  Didn't really need that much correction on this one anyway.  I'll post the update but will incorporate feedback here as well possibly.
Thanks
 
Jeff

I really like the songwriting on this one... I actually like the timbre of the vocalists voice too, but yeah, there's some iffy pitching happening.  Apart from polishing the vocals,one of the other things I noticed was that the drums sound like a stock preset kit - I'd suggest using a less obviously "room mic'ed sounding" kit & put in more tightly mic'ed samples & add you own ambience that works across all the other elements in the mix, & puts it all in the same "room".  The acoustic guitar should help the rhythm to flow a little better too. At present the track sounds a little like a demo, but it really has the potential to sound good.  Good job!

Jeff

It just might be my classical training showing through, but I hate the panning of the piano. I think it would work a lot better if the piano and guitar switched sides.

Nice piece

Ron

Just tried to listen several times but it won't play. I've been listening to others on soundclick so I don't think the prob is with my pc or soundclick in general -  Might explain the lack of responses although as Jamesyoyo said, the views/replies ratio does seem to be a lot lower lately for some reason.

Nice song indeed. The best thing is your voice! I like the broken beat on the drums, but it gets a bit monotone after a while.

I think you can do one of three things:

1. Really dont care about whatever I say and leave it :D

2. Slow it down, "less is more". Leave the guitars for the chorus etc. 

3. Beef it up. More drums, maybe a bit more electronic feel. Multitap-delay U2 guitars. More urgency in the voice...yeah, more bacon? :D


its a good song, but it is a bit in between in my mind. 


Alal in all, good performances, and a the voice has this warm, really nice timbre to it.

OK, came by for another look and it's working today.......

On the whole I think it's pretty good - nice clarity to the mix generally and your voice is really good. If it were mine I'd give it some more beans in the chorus sections - a bit more attitude, bring the guitars up and really make it fly to provide a bit more contrast to the verses.

As usual just the opinions of a listener  - I don't claim to be any kind of expert. Thanks for sharing.

I added acoustic guitar, tweeked the drums both the sound and some of the rythms, redid the base in the bridge, pulled out a lot of the electric, changed the first hit on the chorus, remixed all.
 
Remix - http://soundclick.com/share?songid=9470695