does this have potential ????

everything has potential.

Could not understand the words..... maybe that was intentional......

it's a good starting point...... now you gotta work out..... I'd  fix  change the words at the end...... they were the only ones that were clear.... yep... change them....

I like it!  The mellow intro part is really cool.  The heavier part is good too. Reminds me a little of System of a Down or that singer from Faith no More.  Definitely has a lot of potential. Looking forward to hearing what you do with this.

@ thepogue - smarta$$. lol. yes i will...

@ black_haus - thanks again . always appreciate you.

@ kroneborge - It was meant to start slow. Not every song can have the same structure. whiny???? really??? i was going for a maynard from tool... something a little sweeter than my usual hate.....and it will work when i'm done..

@ hacker - like i said in the first post. that is my system of writing lyrics. I sing the sounds it will make, then make words to fit it. Learned that technique from an interview I saw with Steven Tyler. and yes I will get rid of the swear, but it rolled off the tongue so nicely.

I appreciate all your comments so far..

keep em coming.....right where it ended, should it go back to clean, or stay heavy? or is that a place to do a breakdown / solo ??? what would you expect ?

so if I started the song at the 1:00 minute point, would that be enough hook to keep the listener listening? 

i don't think you guys are getting my drift on the vocal section. Its a process to write lyrics, none have been yet, that is just a way to make them, by singing a melody then adding the real words later.

if the words were real words, it wouldnt sound whiny...

I have to disagree with some of these comments.  I like the intro part.  I really dig the way the drums come in gradually.  I think it kicks in in just the right spot.  I would probably keep the heavy part going a few more bars & then possibly go back to some form of the intro part maybe with a different drum beat or something.  Then you could bring in the heavy part again & build from there.

Or you could keep that slow part going for a bit longer with a small solo break over top of it.

Your guitar tones are very nice on this.  That clean part has a really nice full yet crisp sound to it.  The distorted part is very good too.  Very Metal & Tool sounding, which sounds good to my ears.

I like the vocals too even if you haven't nailed down the words yet.  I can't understand allot of singers anyway.  The vocals over the heavy part still sound like that guy from System Of A Down to me.  So I think your on the right track.  If you like that sort of stuff?

Yea man,


I like songs that stray from the typical verse/chorus verse/chorus - bridge formula.

This to me sounds like one of those songs on an album that may have not gotten the airplay as other conventional style tunes, but is one the best songs on the whole album.  Those are sometimes my favorites.

Hmmm...good question.  I would say just try it and see which way you like it the best.

  I might have to try what you've done here sometime.  I've never tried cloning
 a track and then offsetting it  like that. I just usually play it twice.

I think "Signs of Weakness"  Sounds good.  Not too thin to me.  Actually those guitars sound freakin awesome!!! What kind of amp are you using?  I remember this song.  This ROCK's!

IC Dumb People sounds more like one guitar to me instead of two like in "Signs of Weakness"  It does sounds rather nice & full though.

Wow!  I'm impressed.  Never been a big fan of Line 6 but I can't argue with what I'm hearing.  I tend to lean towards more old school equipment in a way, but I may have to re-think that.

I listen to plenty of 12 minute songs. I think a song can be as long as it  can hold your interest. The intro lost mine, I'm a music fan, I listen to mostly non commercial music.
A well written song will pull me in immediately. This one didn't,
We post our song here to get different opinions and perspectives. This is just mine for what it's worth.
Sure some people will listen and enjoy the transition but as a song crafter you need to be aware of the pitfalls and rules even if you wish to break them.

Exactly, I'll meet you half way! ha ha.
Another trick you could use is keep adding one more little tidbit of sonic information each couple of measures, like even sound efx or strange synth space farts. But a song is like a novel, gotta grab them fast and hold on.
The Floyd had a lot of visual effects to keep you occupied during those 12 minute intros. Once the song kicks in it's great.