Little People Infestation

So, this morning, I was thinking about faery tales.  No, I don’t know why, either.  Anyway, I was pondering them while eating a bagel.  I brushed some crumbs off of my moobs and accidentally dislodged an Elf.  I don’t know which of us was more surprised.  It snatched a strip of becan and tried to slip away.  Fortunately, I had a firm grip on his throat.  The becan was saved.  You know, Elves really are nasty little varmints.
 
Sure.  They make good shoes.  The toes are curly, but once you get used to that, they feel really comfortable.  Also, it’s nice to find all your chores done when you get up in the morning.  It’s the Elvish pranks that are the problem.  They get so annoying with their baby snatching, tying your shoes together, hiding all your stuff, wish granting that always works out badly, and unbelievably complex directions.  I mean, what kind of direction is, “turn widdershins”? 
 
Yes.  I have a little Elf in my GPS.  It’s very irritating.  Most of the time, the directions are good.  You start to relax your guard.  You even begin to trust the stinking little thing.  Then, you’ll be driving along and the filthy beast will say, in its wee little voice, “turn right”.  The problem is, you know that the road is a one way street going left.  You’ll start to ignore the GPS, when the voice volume goes up by 50db and drops 3 octaves and says, “DO IT!”  After frantically dodging trucks, veering onto the sidewalk, running over a flower stand, and smashing a plate glass window that was being carried sideways down the sidewalk for no apparent reason, the vile Elf says, “turn widdershins”.  What?  I don’t have time to chart the movement of the sun before deciding to swerve between the dumpsters or drive up the stairs.
 
Complaining doesn’t do any good.  I vented my feelings at my GPS and the little guy turned me into a newt.  While that didn’t substantially increase my daily commute, it did make business meetings a little awkward at first.  It’s okay now, though.  I got better.  I did have to apologize to the little monster and promise a gift of one slice of becan per day for a month.  It was not an easy decision.
 
Anyway, I’ve got to get to a meeting now.  According to the meeting invitation, I’m supposed to go outside and walk counter clockwise around the building several times, then enter a burial mound under a Rowan tree.  I don’t know that I’ve been in that conference room before.

I keep me books on me 'elves.

Nice Bubba....It's like story-time every morn with my java at the office!! For me.....it's better than reading the news, you get your daily dose of humour, many a times it's thought provoking, and if not anything else....it's certainly entertaining!!
If you haven't done so, you really should write a book...seriously!! Or, you could just take all your daily threads and put them all together for a book. It would be hilarious.    

I know what you mean by going back and re-doing it (re: music)....I do that all the time and just to find out that the first/original take was probably the best one.
I can see why writing a novel is a long drawn project......unlike these short stories which seem to flow freely and naturally from your fingertips (except when the Elves put super glue on the keyboard). 

Anyway, keep em comin' Bubba.....we need a bit of insanity in our lives!!! 

Sure.  They all look like that.  And then, when you least expect it, they turn on you.  Shifty little vermin!

At least a hobbit is predictable.  They may take their time, but they get the job done.  They might be a little too slow to deliver pizza on time, but anytime you need enchanted jewlery delivered across a hostile landscape filled with impossible obstacles and monstrous enemies, they're probably somewhere in your top 10 choices.

I never knew you could make shoes out of elves.  You're a multi-talented guy, Bubba.