A personal message to me and only me

So, does that make you one of the top musicians in the world?

Whenever I try to send myself a message, I discover that I'm not authorized to receive it.  I sent myself a chain letter once.  It broke on the first link.  I sent myself an email, but the contents had all been redacted.  I put a message in a bottle for myself, but when I took the message out, it had been replaced with my water bill.  I tried whispering in my own ear, but my mouth couldn't reach that far.  Sometimes I'll think a thought on the left hemisphere of my brain, try to send it to my right side, and my right side is wearing a tin foil hat.

If so, they did it with a dull spoon, the lid off a can of refried beans, and a roll of duct tape.

I wouldn't put it past them.

Isn't this a spam or spam like or like spam?? This is personal! This is personal? And who is this only me you speak of?

 Have some pie and an iced tea. 


Wow! That's the best advice I've had all week! I think the pie will help with my eyes being crossed since yesterday and the Iced  tea will help keep my tongue IN my mouth. I only noticed it cuz my dog was doing the same thing!