Do-it-yourself wart removal - how not to do it.

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SteveStrummerUK
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October 04, 11 2:06 PM (permalink)

Do-it-yourself wart removal - how not to do it.

 
From the pages of the HERALD SUN (Australia)...
 
 
"The best thing is that the wart has gone," former security guard Sean Murphy told reporters outside the Magistrates Court in Doncaster, "because it was giving me a lot of trouble. It was on the top joint of the middle finger of my left hand, and although I'd tried various medical treatments over five years, the standard ointments failed to get rid of it. Something had to be done.
 
"Last year, I found a 12-bore Beretta shotgun under a hedge, and that gave me the idea to deal with the wart myself, once and for all. So, without hesitation, and after I had drunk several pints of beer to anaesthetise myself, I stood outside my trailer and blasted my stretched-out left hand. I didn't expect to lose my finger as well when I shot it, but the gun recoiled and that was that.
 
"The wart had gone and so was most of my finger. There was nothing left of the finger, so no chance of re-attaching it. But the wart has gone. I don't think the beer affected my aim. The fault lay with the shotgun's recoil. I realise now that I could have gone to jail for up to fifteen years for a firearms offence. My solicitor has done a very good job."
 
Earlier, Murphy's solicitor Richard Haigh had told the court that "my client has been a victim of his own stupidity when domestic pressures got to him."
 
Murphy was ordered to complete 100 hours of unpaid community work, and pay £100 costs.
 
 

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    bapu
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    Re:Do-it-yourself wart removal - how not to do it. October 04, 11 2:21 PM (permalink)
    Who among us has not at least thought to do that?
    #2
    craigb
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    Re:Do-it-yourself wart removal - how not to do it. October 04, 11 2:29 PM (permalink)
    Good thing for him that he didn't find a grenade under the hedge...

     
    Time for all of you to head over to Beyond My DAW!
    #3
    Bub
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    Re:Do-it-yourself wart removal - how not to do it. October 04, 11 2:30 PM (permalink)
    Thank God the wart wasn't on his forehead.


    "I pulled the head off Elvis, filled Fred up to his pelvis, yaba daba do, the King is gone, and so are you."
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    SteveStrummerUK
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    Re:Do-it-yourself wart removal - how not to do it. October 04, 11 2:31 PM (permalink)
    craigb


    Good thing for him that he didn't find a grenade under the hedge...

     
    Or the wart had been attached to a more 'personal' appendage
     
     

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    #5
    UbiquitousBubba
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    Re:Do-it-yourself wart removal - how not to do it. October 04, 11 2:37 PM (permalink)
    You know, I'm starting to feel just a little bad that I taped that fake wart on his finger when he wasn't looking.  I mean, how was I to know? 
    #6
    yorolpal
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    Re:Do-it-yourself wart removal - how not to do it. October 04, 11 2:42 PM (permalink)
    craigb


    Good thing for him that he didn't find a grenade under the hedge...


    Or a wood-chipper...

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    Wookiee
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    Re:Do-it-yourself wart removal - how not to do it. October 04, 11 3:52 PM (permalink)
    Darwin award anyone?

    Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain.
    Karma has a way of finding its own way home.
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    ampfixer
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    Re:Do-it-yourself wart removal - how not to do it. October 04, 11 3:53 PM (permalink)
    Sometimes the mind tricks us into stupidity.

    As a young lad I was visiting a cousin and we went out in the field with a couple of .22 cal rifles to do some plinking. I looked down at my hand and there was a HUGE spider on it. My first reaction was to raise the rifle barrel and take deadly aim. Thankfully a little voice told me that I was being an idiot and no good could come of trying to shoot a spider off of one's hand. I smashed it with the gun stock instead. Almost as smart as plan A.

    They keep me away from the ammo now. I always get the weapon with the red plastic cap over the muzzle, that way I can still look manly without endangering humanity.

    My work with handguns is even more legendary.

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    #9
    jbow
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    Re:Do-it-yourself wart removal - how not to do it. October 06, 11 9:31 AM (permalink)
    I always consult the Time/Life Books of Home Surgery  of course they have been out of print since the 1970s. It would be nice if they updated the volume on being your own anesthesiologist but a scalpel is still a scalpel. The trick of course is to not bleed to death before you can bring yourself out from under the anesthesia,  check to be sure you removed the right organ and get the gash stitched up. Sometimes it takes several tries.
    I never thought about doing dermatology with a shotgun but I guess if it works. I usually go to Samurai dermatologist.

    Julien

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    Starise
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    Re:Do-it-yourself wart removal - how not to do it. October 06, 11 10:12 AM (permalink)
     Thats one guy that won't be using the Jersey Gesture anymore....at least on that particular hand......I had thought this post was about the CH;-)

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    jbow
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    Re:Do-it-yourself wart removal - how not to do it. October 06, 11 10:19 AM (permalink)
    or the California Howdy...

    "I theenk they were from Floreeda... they were yelling sometheeng about sandy beeches".



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    trimph1
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    Re:Do-it-yourself wart removal - how not to do it. October 06, 11 10:36 AM (permalink)
    I tried to chew a part of my body off because it hurt so much...tasted kinda yucky

    The space you have will always be exceeded in direct proportion to the amount of stuff you have...Thornton's Postulate.

    Bushpianos
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    Mesh
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    Re:Do-it-yourself wart removal - how not to do it. October 06, 11 11:15 AM (permalink)
    A 69 yr. old man in Maryland (thinking he was putting eye drops from his recent cataract surgery) put super glue in his eye instead (apparently his grandson had put them next to each other in the medicine cabinet).
    He was ok once he got help in the ER albeit loosing all his eye lashes.

    Somehow, this doesn't seem like it would be a pleasant experience.


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