Helpful ReplyWait For The Storm - advice requested on melancholic acoustic song

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itsadequate
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2012/02/20 03:44:34 (permalink)

Wait For The Storm - advice requested on melancholic acoustic song

[This is an update to the original message. I had originally posted an early demo version of this song here. Thanks very much for the kind feedback from the group. I've made some changes following the feedback, and here is a new version of the song
 
http://youtu.be/wyMS1FjQlng which I think is much better - more structure, more variety]

Original post :-
 
http://youtu.be/oSl8WuU_dWE
Here is a demo of a new song I've written. I'm afraid its another bleak one about waiting for the next attack of an illness (its about my experience of type III Ehlers-Danlos syndrome).
 
Its only a demo, at the moment just me multitracked, and we will add some flute soon.
 
If you've got any suggestions, advice, feedback, etc, I'd be very grateful. Is it overcompressed? Is there something I could do to get the drums more realistic? Should I change the key (it's a bit low for me)? (I hope to record a version with real drums at some point). Should I get rid of the electronic instruments and keep it all acoustic? Am I getting the instruments into something that feels like the same 'space' or do they seem like a random bunch of things on top of each other?
 
Any feedback would be hugely appreciated.
 
Best wishes, Malcolm
post edited by itsadequate - 2012/03/09 05:58:19
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dkbender
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Re:Wait For The Storm - advice requested on melancholic acoustic song 2012/02/20 07:49:06 (permalink) ☄ Helpful
Hello Malcolm,

Sorry to hear about your malady!   I had to look it up to begin to understand it.

So, I get the idea of the tune but from a song construction point of view, I would figure out how to do one or two bridges in it to break it up and increase listener interest.

If you feel it is too low a key, try a capo and move it around to see if it sits better for your vocal range.

Recording drums is an art within an art.   I have been using 5 mics (tracks) and then EQ'ing and blending it together and using judicious panning to portray the kit in space to the listner.

I think as far as instrumentation, it's really up to you.  I can tell you there needs to be an instrument that needs to provide 'the hook' that draws the listener in and compels them to listen.   I don't know if it's strings or piano or another guitar part but something needs to provide the hook.

I hope this is somewhat helpful to you and gives you some ideas that lead to solutions with this.

Best of luck!
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Guitarhacker
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Re:Wait For The Storm - advice requested on melancholic acoustic song 2012/02/20 08:51:02 (permalink) ☄ Helpful
It's good to find an outlet for the pain in our lives. 

I like the darkness of the song. 

Crits: if you think the key is too low, that means it probably is. Take it up one step at a time  until you get those low notes into a range that works for you. 

From a song writing perspective..... the verse and chorus sound so similar, I was almost near the end when I realized I hadn't really heard the chorus yet. It never stuck out like I expect it to. 

2nd listen : 3 verses..... into a solo.....tag the hook line....verse 4 drums change..... no chorus in the song.... 

I would recommend writing a chorus. The song is in Am... so go to a Cmaj and start a chorus from there.  Use the chorus to tie the verses together and take the song somewhere else. I think a lot of the monotony is coming from the lack of a chorus that will break it up and add interest.   

Since you mentioned adding stuff, and if you change the key you will have to record it again.... so.... use that as an opportunity to write the chorus..... then change the drums in the chorus to give it that little bit of lift and energy. 

This is probably more advice than you wanted. So for now..... I think the recording of the instruments was good. No crits there. 



Note: I think Bob Dylan was the master of the song without a chorus style...... he would write 50 verses, and sing them one after the other...... no chorus.... but not many writers can get away with that. 
post edited by Guitarhacker - 2012/02/20 08:54:30

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#3
Rimshot
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Re:Wait For The Storm - advice requested on melancholic acoustic song 2012/02/20 08:57:17 (permalink) ☄ Helpful
Sorry about your illness.  Your music is very moving.  Agree with Guitarhacker's comments.  All the best.

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Lynn
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Re:Wait For The Storm - advice requested on melancholic acoustic song 2012/02/20 11:48:07 (permalink) ☄ Helpful
Here's hoping for a speedy recovery.  This song has plenty of potential, and if you take the advice mentioned above you will have a very powerful song on your hands.  If you do write a chorus or bridge, perhaps a doubled lead or vocal harmony would make it stand out.  Sometimes I will throw a short delay on a section just to make it different from the verse.  Overall, you have the beginning of a very good song.

All the best,
Lynn

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bandontherun19
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Re:Wait For The Storm - advice requested on melancholic acoustic song 2012/02/20 16:55:59 (permalink) ☄ Helpful
Whoa, I just read about that. Very rare :-( hang in there. I can't comment on the mix (notebook speakers) I like big productions, seems like there should be some strings in this one.

All you need is love, just ask the Beatles?
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BenMMusTech
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Re:Wait For The Storm - advice requested on melancholic acoustic song 2012/02/20 19:27:06 (permalink) ☄ Helpful
Well this is my sort of music, I like it.  I don't know about the key being to low for you, to me it sounds fine but I like my vocals like that.

To me this sounds like a cross between Floyd and King Crimson, so yea some strings would help fill out the track, I suggest the M-Tron pro or a virtual Mellotron would do that job and really add to the darkness of the track.

Nice job.

Peace Ben

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LanceJ
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Re:Wait For The Storm - advice requested on melancholic acoustic song 2012/02/21 10:52:45 (permalink) ☄ Helpful
I could hear a change at 2:00.  It feels, to me, that you are building and a transition would fit well.

The song is nice.  I like the voice and the guitar.  Variance throughout might add a bit more interest.

That being said, the way it is written does have a hypnotic affect.  Similar feel to the Vietnam era writing.

Regards,
Lance

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evadianepug
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Re:Wait For The Storm - advice requested on melancholic acoustic song 2012/02/23 19:42:29 (permalink) ☄ Helpful
The low vocal notes for the most part sounded strong to me.  It's a good tune but I agree with some bridge or something to break it up.  Your recording and mixing skills are really good from this vantage point.  Loved the guitar lead.  It was pleading.  I don't know how to explain that.  Maybe if you modulate the song up after the lead that would change it up a bit.  Drums and bass sound good.  That's not always easy.

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radio
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Re:Wait For The Storm - advice requested on melancholic acoustic song 2012/02/23 22:59:15 (permalink) ☄ Helpful
itsadequate


http://youtu.be/oSl8WuU_dWE
Here is a demo of a new song I've written. I'm afraid its another bleak one about waiting for the next attack of an illness (its about my experience of type III Ehlers-Danlos syndrome). 
 
I like the song but there missing song elments that need to be addresses such as ( Intro - Verse - Chorus - Verse - bridge - Verse - Chorus ) as one example or you can go with ( Intro -Verse -verse -verse -Tag ) type song structure .
 
I see and feel your pain , don't know what you have that you speak of but it sounds deadly or long lasting .
I hope you recover from what it is you are dealing with , keep your spirit up  and let the sun shine for you .
 
Radio



post edited by radio - 2012/02/24 14:35:56

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itsadequate
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Re:Wait For The Storm - advice requested on melancholic acoustic song 2012/02/24 12:34:33 (permalink)
Thanks very much for taking the time to listen and give helpful advice.

It is a bit of a depressing song, and I agree that a bridge or chorus might make it less relentlessly grim, but on the other hand, I think that was an accurate portrayal of a state of mind that those with chronic medical problems may recognise. I'm not suggesting that that is my only state of mind - I think I'm generally a very positive person, but sometimes when it seems like a constant battle it gets exhausting.

If you'd be interested in hearing a more positive take on coping with my condition, you are welcome to listen to While I Still Can
http://youtu.be/6h5RndQCxMQ
Its about the same problems, but its about a desire to do what I can, while I can. The video also has some information about the condition.

I also don't want to sound excessively self-indulgent. There are many people in the world a lot worse off than I am.

One thing that I find extremely helpful about this forum is that it is rarely the aspect of a song that I'm most nervous about that is highlighted as benefiting from revision by others. I think it is extremely difficult to listen to anything you've made yourself objectively. Thanks so much for listening and advising.
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philz
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Re:Wait For The Storm - advice requested on melancholic acoustic song 2012/02/24 17:52:27 (permalink) ☄ Helpful
Firstly, welcome to the Songs Forum, Malcolm.  I had to Google Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, and can see where having to live with that would inspire a song like this.  I really liked the song, and thought that the vocal was fine in the range you did it.  The only crit I would offer is that I thought the drums were a tad busy at points.

As for the song structure, I think it all depends on what your intent was when you wrote and recorded it.  Herb and others have offered excellent advice if you plan on marketing or commercializing the song in any way, including playing live before a general audience.  If, on the other hand, you really just wrote the song for yourself, then I think you should leave it as you wrote it.  It felt like a 'personal journey' kind of song to me.

Either way, I thought it was a well written song and that your performance was excellent.

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Beagle
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Re:Wait For The Storm - advice requested on melancholic acoustic song 2012/02/24 19:28:55 (permalink) ☄ Helpful
no more crits that havne't already been mentioned.  I really like this myself, I like the key and all - I think it really adds to the feel of the song with it being this low and the vocals seem to be good - I don't hear any major problems just because the key is low.

sorry about your condition
 
edit:  after hearing this song in my head after listening to it (which is something all songwriters hope to acheive with their songs, a connection to the listener so that the listener will remember the hook - and doing so after the first listen is excellent!)
 
I have a couple of ideas about changing the song that I would suggest to you as a producer would.  it would require reworking parts of the song and re-recording and adding a few other instruments, tho, so I don't know if you'd be interested in those kinds of suggestions or not.
post edited by Beagle - 2012/02/24 19:35:41

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itsadequate
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Re:Wait For The Storm - advice requested on melancholic acoustic song 2012/03/09 05:56:13 (permalink)
Thanks very much for all your helpful feedback. I made some changes following the feedback, and here is a new version of the song
 
http://youtu.be/wyMS1FjQlng

I really appreciate all the help from the group. It's made a big difference to the final version of the song, and the advice will influence what I write in the future.
 
Best wishes, Malcolm
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