"Tell Me" original work in progress

I figured I've been hangin around here long enough, I better post a tune.
 This is still a WIP, so any feedback would be awesome. Please keep in mind I'm a bass player who can barley find his way around a guitar....and if anyone is will to take a crack at writing some lyric's, PM me and we'll see what we can do.
 
http://soundcloud.com/junkyard-carnival/tell-me
 
Thanks PG.

Sounds like a pretty good start. I can easily imagine where/how the vocs might go on this. Depending on how the vox are delivered I'm thinking that it could maybe use some kind of pad/synth sound to lift the chorus sections a bit and just give it a bit more distinction sound wise from the rest.

Hey Kevin
GREAT tune!  I'm a sucker for a good bass line and this one rocks.  Don't sell yourself short on your guitar work. The tone and the way you bend those strings are sounding good. On my end you have a really well balanced mix.  If I had to nit about something it would be that the bass and snare drums are sitting forward in the mix. I would back them off a smidge.  GREAT start looking forward to the finished piece.

Kev

Great mix so far... love the bass sound, but not crazy about the snare... good work...

radio & notnat, thanks for the listen, glad you think I'm headed in the right direction.
Kev

Scottytunes; Thanks for the listen. I've sent this cross town to a buddy who is gonna lay a synth pad on this. Soon as I get it back here, I'll be making somemore EQ/level adjustments....even the wife isn't happy with snare sound ,(NOW she tells me..LOL) I think I'll be cutting back on the mid/high "Pfftt" and tune in more highend "crack" (LOL hope my paroll officer doesnt read that and get the wrong idea!!)

Thanks again
Kev.

I too am a bass player who fiddles (no pun) with guitar.  You did really good.  I really like this type of music and have sung some (on our soundclick in the signature-Nasty Woman) but am lyric locked.  Kinda coming out of it but Mark (CLEAN) has music stacking up for me to write lyrics.  Bob Oister would do a great job but he always seems busy turnin' them out.  Good luck to you!  Do you have any ideas for lyrics or melody?

evadianepug, thanks for the listen. I too am lyric locked these days aswell. I do have a 1st verse and part of a chorus. Guess I'll keep pluging away at it.
 The music now has synth/pad tracks and it puts a little different feel to it. Had an idea to start trimming back some of the guitar work during the verse's. I'll start trimming tommorow and be re-posting it in a day or so.

Thanks again.
PG

This rocks! The mix is alright to me - someone mentioned a pad over the chorus? I say, add some killer back up vocals to whatever lead you may put over it! Or the pad. I can imagine that would be really cool too

What I do miss, however, is a little more snap to the kick. It's a little dull to me and could handle some extra attack to the sound. Especially since it's so busy.

On a final note, your guitar playing is a whole lot better than you seem to think. Well done. Looking forward to hear some words on this

Hey, PG,

Very punchy sounding rocker you've got going here!

Nice thick wall of guitars, hard driving bass and great drums with a cool progressive rock vibe.  The juicy lead guitar tones and playing fit really well into the mix.  Really good stuff, can't wait to hear the finished product.

Nice work, have a good one!
Bob
 

Mooch4056


this is another crappy song that aint even done yet 

what an ass...........