Medical Procedure Just Reported to Me By a Reliable Source
A middle aged woman goes to see a plastic surgeon about a face lift. She says she's starting to get lines and wrinkles in her face and wants them gone. He examines her and says "There's a great new technique out that I would like to try on you. It's called The Knob. It's different from a regular surgery because a knob is installed into the back of your head and you can turn it until you see the desired effect. The best thing about it is that in 5 or 10 years you won't need another face lift. If you see more lines or wrinkles, just turn the knob a few more turns and they will disappear."
She is reluctant to try something so new, but he reassures her she will love it, so she goes ahead and gets it done.
A few months afterward, she returns to the Doctor and is extremely happy with the results. He sends her on her way and tells her she doesn't need to come back for 10 more years, and if she sees any lines appear to turn the knob a little more to take care of them.
On the 10th year she returns to the Doctor. He asks "How is everything?" and she replies "Just fine until a year or so ago. Every few months I gave the knob a turn or two to keep things tight, and then I saw these bags under my eyes. I kept turning the knob and turning it, but they wouldn't go away."
The Doctor looks closely at her face and the bags under her eyes. Finally, he says "Ma'am, those aren't bags under your eyes, those are your breasts."
"Ohhh" she replies, "so that would explain the goatee."