Oh dear :-( My pet racing snail Shelley...

ROR!
Straummy so funny!

There was a little knock on the door one day, I opened and looked down to see a snail. I was in a bad mood so I kicked it over the garden wall. A year later there was another knock at the door. I opened it to see the same snail. 'What did you do that for?' he said.

SteveStrummerUK


 
...has finished last in every one of the 93 races I've entered him in.
 
 
In a desperate attempt to speed him up by making him lighter and more aerodynmaic, I took off his shell...
 
 
That didn't work though, it just made him more sluggish.
 
 
 
 

I bet you've gone right down in his estivation too.

A man goes to a Halloween party with a woman on his back.

The host asks him, "And what are you?"

The man says, “I’m a snail."

The host says, "And who's that on your back?"




And the man says, "That's Michelle!"

A snail walks into a bank to make a deposit. Then a turtle comes in and robs the bank. Afterward, the police are interviewing the snail and asks him to recount what had happened. The snail says, "I don't know, it all happened so fast."...I think Paulo and I just Googled the same snail joke page ;-)

paulo


A man goes to a Halloween party with a woman on his back.

The host asks him, "And what are you?"

The man says, “I’m a snail."

The host says, "And who's that on your back?"




And the man says, "That's Michelle!"

That's a good one.

jamesg1213

...I think Paulo and I just Googled the same snail joke page ;-)

SteveStrummerUK

Beagle

SteveStrummerUK


 
...has finished last in every one of the 93 races I've entered him in.
 
 
In a desperate attempt to speed him up by making him lighter and more aerodynmaic, I took off his shell...
 
 
That didn't work though, it just made him more sluggish.
 
 
 
 

mebee because you named him with a girl's name...he's holding a grudge...

 
 
Shelley 
 
 
And there was me thinking you am edumacated in the literary arts Beag
 
 
 
 

pfft.  that's his LAST name! 

SteveStrummerUK


I didn't want to talk about my little Percy in public
 
 
 
 

well then you shouldn't have started it mate!!!! 

If you need more speed from yor snail there Straummy, ol pal, ya might try puttin one a them little silver cocktail forks and small bowl of melted butter behind him at the startin gate.

oops, paulo beat me. 

So, about a year ago, this snail came up to my door and rang the doorbell.  Honestly, I had had a bad day to that point and having a snail salesman come up to my door at 7pm trying to sell me insurance just bugged the hell out of me.  The interchange went something like this:

Ding Dong
Door opens
"Hi my name is Shelly and I am here tonight to discuss how you intend to provide for your loved ones once you are gone."
At which point, I grabbed the snail and tossed it completely across the street into an empty lot.

Well last night, the door bell rings.  It is that same snail.  

Ding Dong
Door opens
"What the hell was that about???"

This fred is taking way to long to become a FSF.

Let's have a moment of quiet for Steve's pet snail who was a salted last night...