sharke
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The funny job applications I receive
As some of you may be aware, I run a pet care business, specializing in dog walking and pet sitting. There's a high demand for it in New York and walking dogs is a classic New York job. As you can imagine, I receive a lot of job applications. A frightening number of them are terrible and/or funny. I think I've posted a couple of them on here (mentioning no names of course). Anyway, just thought I'd share this latest one. Bear in mind she's applying for a dog walking position. The email is full of spelling mistakes which is bad enough, but then she ends with: " the only thing is, I'm a very short woman so large dogs will probably get the better of me." +1000 for honesty  But seriously, that's like applying for a construction job and saying you're afraid of heights.
JamesWindows 10, Sonar SPlat (64-bit), Intel i7-4930K, 32GB RAM, RME Babyface, AKAI MPK Mini, Roland A-800 Pro, Focusrite VRM Box, Komplete 10 Ultimate, 2012 American Telecaster!
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Rain
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Re: The funny job applications I receive
2013/11/27 02:17:50
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I didn't know that that was your business - but there's indeed plenty of demand for that in NY, I concur.
I guess she was hoping she'd be given an option to cherry pick the dogs.
TCB - Tea, Cats, Books...
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sharke
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Re: The funny job applications I receive
2013/11/27 02:50:40
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Yeah I sometimes get inquiries from people who say things like "do you have jobs where I can just walk Yorkies?"
And then of course the ones who do a great job of selling their qualities, and finish up with "I am available for work on Mondays, Tuesdays after 2pm, Thursday mornings and alternate Saturdays between 3pm and 7pm," expecting you to come up with a job that's tailor made for that schedule.
JamesWindows 10, Sonar SPlat (64-bit), Intel i7-4930K, 32GB RAM, RME Babyface, AKAI MPK Mini, Roland A-800 Pro, Focusrite VRM Box, Komplete 10 Ultimate, 2012 American Telecaster!
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craigb
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Re: The funny job applications I receive
2013/11/27 06:07:26
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Well, I guess it can't hurt to ask! 
Time for all of you to head over to Beyond My DAW!
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Rain
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Re: The funny job applications I receive
2013/11/27 06:29:16
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sharke
Yeah I sometimes get inquiries from people who say things like "do you have jobs where I can just walk Yorkies?"
And then of course the ones who do a great job of selling their qualities, and finish up with "I am available for work on Mondays, Tuesdays after 2pm, Thursday mornings and alternate Saturdays between 3pm and 7pm," expecting you to come up with a job that's tailor made for that schedule.
I'm guessing that technology changed things quite a bit. Back in my days, when you were looking for a job and you really wanted to work, you had to show up at this federal employment center where they'd post the majority available jobs, and that in itself was already like a job interview. It looked quite bad to arrive later during the day unless you had another job. Priority was given to the folks who'd do the line before the office opened, at 8 or 9 am. Showing up after 10 am basically meant that you weren't a serious candidate. You didn't dress in rags to go there either. If you were lucky enough to potentially find something, you'd first meet a counsellor, then (admitting that you succeeded getting through that first round), you'd get a short interview over the phone w/ the employer - mainly to schedule formal interview, but also so that the employer could get an idea of who you were. The phone interview obviously took place under the eye of a recruitment agent. Anyway, by the time you even got to the guy who offered the job, the preselection had been made. Employers didn't really have to deal with those people.
post edited by Rain - 2013/11/27 06:32:09
TCB - Tea, Cats, Books...
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spacey
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Re: The funny job applications I receive
2013/11/27 09:40:15
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My application would request the night shift, walking badass dogs so you could add security rates to the bill and pay me enough to at least afford health insurance. I'd also require a machine gun and very nice suits- tailored '20's.....and shoes with company supplied cleaning and polishing...and ammo. Oh...and min. 5 day weeks with Holiday double time. :) ( and just because I'll walk dogs don't think I'm going to take any **** from you)
post edited by spacey - 2013/11/27 09:42:01
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Starise
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Re: The funny job applications I receive
2013/11/27 10:02:51
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I wonder if these are people who need to make a quota in order to continue to draw unemployment. Way back 20 plus years ago when I applied for unemployment I had to show that I looked for work that week. Maybe they don't really want the job they are just satisfying those people.
I'll share one with you where I work. Admittedly the position that was open was offering lower pay for the job than what it should be. Their tactic seems to be that they offer starvation wages and then they think they can go up from there if need be. The way it works out in actuality though is that no one in their right mind who is good at it will even think about the job. When I came here I told them I had to have so and so and that was it. They complied.
So you can imagine the applicants we had. I kid you not in one case we had a guy who listed completing the twelve step program as an educational accomplishment.I could tell you some others. These would be people entrusted with millions of dollars worth of equipment and the safety of those here. We still haven't filled that position. If these are the takers, I hope we never do.
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sharke
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Re: The funny job applications I receive
2013/11/27 12:10:08
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I think my all time favorite was the guy who said he was "currently training to become a clown." I mean not that there's anything wrong with that, it just seems like a hilarious thing to put on a job application. The word "clown" does not have positive connotations in the job market.
A lot of the applications I get stem from a basic misunderstanding of what the business entails. So I get a lot of inquiries from people who are wondering if they can just come in and walk some dogs on the occasional random day in their spare time, as if we have a large warehouse full of dogs that need walks and you can just swing by and grab one when you feel like it. They're not entirely aware that we have clients who we service daily and that we don't switch a dog's walker from day to day. The scheduling is very tight and I need to keep it as consistent as possible.
What's also incredible is the number of people who misread the website and come away thinking that we're a charity which does voluntary dog walking (never mind the prices are right in front of them). I also have people calling me saying "I'm inquiring about the job you're advertising online" even though the website doesn't list any job offers. I ask them what exactly they are seeing that looks like a job advertisement, and they mumble something like "er..the website...it's online...the dogs....the job."
And then there's the media. We've had film and TV crews calling to ask if they could, you know, just "borrow" a walker and a pack of dogs for a scene, as if we have time to stand on a film set for a couple of hours, and as if the dogs are ours to offer as props. A nice idea, but we really can't do it and they never understand that we have schedules to keep. A couple of years ago I had Australian comedy duo "Hamish and Andy" contact me to ask if they could walk the dogs themselves for a day because they were filming some funny skits about them taking summer jobs. I had to politely explain that my insurance doesn't cover 3rd party comedians.
JamesWindows 10, Sonar SPlat (64-bit), Intel i7-4930K, 32GB RAM, RME Babyface, AKAI MPK Mini, Roland A-800 Pro, Focusrite VRM Box, Komplete 10 Ultimate, 2012 American Telecaster!
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craigb
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Re: The funny job applications I receive
2013/11/27 13:41:13
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sharke
I think my all time favorite was the guy who said he was "currently training to become a clown." I mean not that there's anything wrong with that, it just seems like a hilarious thing to put on a job application. The word "clown" does not have positive connotations in the job market.
Yes, "Humor Management Supervisor" would have been a far superior choice! I probably would have replied that we already have several that are naturals here - no training required! LOL.
Time for all of you to head over to Beyond My DAW!
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sharke
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Re: The funny job applications I receive
2013/11/27 14:29:25
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JamesWindows 10, Sonar SPlat (64-bit), Intel i7-4930K, 32GB RAM, RME Babyface, AKAI MPK Mini, Roland A-800 Pro, Focusrite VRM Box, Komplete 10 Ultimate, 2012 American Telecaster!
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craigb
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Re: The funny job applications I receive
2013/11/27 15:00:05
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And pet peeves are your business.
Time for all of you to head over to Beyond My DAW!
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slartabartfast
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Re: The funny job applications I receive
2013/11/28 02:15:26
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Rain
I didn't know that that was your business - but there's indeed plenty of demand for that in NY, I concur.
Me either. I always assumed you were a venture capitalist.
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craigb
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Re: The funny job applications I receive
2013/11/28 03:13:34
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slartabartfast
Rain
I didn't know that that was your business - but there's indeed plenty of demand for that in NY, I concur.
Me either. I always assumed you were a venture capitalist.
Or an adventure catapulist.
Time for all of you to head over to Beyond My DAW!
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Glyn Barnes
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Re: The funny job applications I receive
2013/11/28 04:08:54
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sharke
my insurance doesn't cover 3rd party comedians.
LOL!
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Starise
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Re: The funny job applications I receive
2013/11/28 10:48:28
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Yeah I can't say we ever got anyone who used "clown" as a job reference I could see a business like that using a mascot of some kind. Dog walking seems like a very novel business idea, and if it has paid the bills for while you have a genuine good thing. As a person who only visits cities I wasn't familiar with the concept until I actually read that this is what you do. I can see where there could be some misunderstanding from a bumpkin who doesn't get out much. Maybe someone visiting the area. The people who live there though should know better I would think. Just recently I heard about another business that hangs your Christmas decorations for you. This is yet another one of those things that I never knew existed. I guess if you make big bucks doing something you can't be bothered to walk a dog or hang Christmas lights. More power to you in finding that niche.
Intel 5820K O.C. 4.4ghz, ASRock Extreme 4 LGA 2011-v3, 16 gig DDR4, , 3 x Samsung SATA III 500gb SSD, 2X 1 Samsung 1tb 7200rpm outboard, Win 10 64bit, Laptop HP Omen i7 16gb 2/sdd with Focusrite interface. CbB, Studio One 4 Pro, Mixcraft 8, Ableton Live 10 www.soundcloud.com/starise Twitter @Rodein
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craigb
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Re: The funny job applications I receive
2013/11/28 15:10:16
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I hear Bapu hires a service to help him post here.
Time for all of you to head over to Beyond My DAW!
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sharke
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Re: The funny job applications I receive
2013/11/28 18:43:15
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Starise
Yeah I can't say we ever got anyone who used "clown" as a job reference I could see a business like that using a mascot of some kind.
Dog walking seems like a very novel business idea, and if it has paid the bills for while you have a genuine good thing. As a person who only visits cities I wasn't familiar with the concept until I actually read that this is what you do. I can see where there could be some misunderstanding from a bumpkin who doesn't get out much. Maybe someone visiting the area. The people who live there though should know better I would think.
Just recently I heard about another business that hangs your Christmas decorations for you. This is yet another one of those things that I never knew existed. I guess if you make big bucks doing something you can't be bothered to walk a dog or hang Christmas lights. More power to you in finding that niche.
Basically it's a necessity for anyone who works all day and who doesn't have a yard, which is pretty much every dog owner in Manhattan. People very rarely order walks when they're home (unless they're sick or disabled or otherwise can't get out), they generally schedule 1 or 2 walks for their dog while they're at work, or if they're going some place they can't take their dog. We sometimes sit dogs in hotels if their owners are her on vacation and want to see a Broadway show for the evening, and we also stay overnight with the dogs in people's apartments when they go on vacation. When I first started out years ago I would do a lot of those overnights myself because I was new in town and you sometimes get to stay in some pretty swank apartments (think 60th floor penthouses in Midtown with floor to ceiling windows etc). But eventually I got sick of living away from home so often and now I never do those myself. As the boss I take the privilege of swiping the cooler jobs for myself (play with puppy on roof garden in summer? Check...) but then again I have nobody working on Thanksgiving or Christmas so those days are pretty rough for me As for hanging people's Christmas decorations, I guess it's no different to cleaning someone's apartment or organizing their closets. If you've got the money and you feel like spreading it around by paying people to do that stuff for you, I think it's great!
JamesWindows 10, Sonar SPlat (64-bit), Intel i7-4930K, 32GB RAM, RME Babyface, AKAI MPK Mini, Roland A-800 Pro, Focusrite VRM Box, Komplete 10 Ultimate, 2012 American Telecaster!
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sharke
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Re: The funny job applications I receive
2013/11/28 18:51:21
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slartabartfast
Rain
I didn't know that that was your business - but there's indeed plenty of demand for that in NY, I concur.
Me either. I always assumed you were a venture capitalist.
Not even sure I know what one of those is...lol. I left school at 16 with few qualifications so I've pretty much bounced around various jobs since then...everything from delivering milk to selling kitchens and windows door to door. I guess I wasn't cut out for a "career" (or at least I would have gotten bored fairly quickly).
JamesWindows 10, Sonar SPlat (64-bit), Intel i7-4930K, 32GB RAM, RME Babyface, AKAI MPK Mini, Roland A-800 Pro, Focusrite VRM Box, Komplete 10 Ultimate, 2012 American Telecaster!
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