Dealing with COLD FEET

I think all the current band members should get away privately and have a heart to heart about what IS going to happen. Don't let this opportunity go by even if it means a personnel change. Show your commitment at all costs to go for it. You won't get another chance. Please don't put yourself in the position to look back one day your heart drop and you wonder "what if " or "if only".
Do it for all us that never got this chance! DO IT FOR ME!!!

I don't envy the position you're in. A very uncomfortable situation, and also sad in a way.
Do the hardest decisions if necessary, and don't look back. If your bandmates are not willing to take the necessary steps, changing personnel wouldn't affect your friendship anyway...or?
 
OTOH, who am I to say anything? I missed a very, very potential opportunity once. It was just because I did not want to let down my bandmates (and did not have the guts?).  

In the late '80s I was singer/guitar in a "pop" band.  We gigged 2 - 3 times a week all summer, built up a big following on the local circuit, played most of the "big" venues in London, our manager worked hard getting us gigs and exposure.  Then as soon we started getting professional interest that could have taken us "all the way" the drummer and bass player announced that they weren't prepared to "risk their day jobs"...   The band split soon after.
 
A couple of years later I was bass player in a glam rock band. The band had been going for several years and I was replacement for the original bass player who had moved away. We gigged, recorded, wrote our own material, got interest from Virgin Records...  Yayyyyy   we've made it..!!!
 
Nope, once again the drummer (different from the first band I must add) gets cold feet and the band ends up folding.
 
If you're going to put years of your life into playing with bands, make sure you know what you want out of it from day 1.  If you aim to "make it big" make sure there is no one  in the band with a day job that currently pays their mortgage..  They WILL NOT give it up.

bapu

bayoubill
Do it for all us that never got this chance! DO IT FOR BAPU!!!

Yeah!!!!!!!

Agreed.
 
Opportunity does not ALWAYS knock on your door twice. And many times, it is the diference between getting "there" and not getting "there".
 
However, I'm su****ious about someone wanting to get an agent to do this and that, and wanting to do this and that and they want something in return. If you are Joe X or Joe Billionaire, and you want a band in that show, you won't need an agent and you won't need anything else. You get some plane tickets mailed and you get it all together and off to the races you go ... another gig!
 
I think it depends on your position and where you stand musically and such. Is the offer the real thing, or just the devil trying to destroy another band? You and I do not want to think that, EVER, but it is sad to see this, and the part I don't like is the "deal". You might as well shake hands with the guy on fire, so you can get bigger, better and make more money? Is that what all this is about?

Karyn

Moshkiae
Opportunity does not knock on your door twice.

Actually, it does.  Read my post above... 

Fixed.
 
In places, like California, for example, at the end of the year for advanced acting folks, all of them take an "exam" that is supposed to be seen by "industry professionals" and since I helped a couple of them with their scenes I went to see it. It was a cattle call at the Pantages (old theater in Hollywood) to make you feel important, and there were 3 judges. 1) was asleep. 2) was looking at Playboy magazine. 3) was discussing to his friend on the left how he would like to get that one blonde in his bed.
 
1981 and 1982 was all about how many you could score. Had nothing to do with "talent" or "ability". It was take it or leave it, and that was that.
 
That's not an opportunity. That's MERDE! And it still happens today.
 
Friend of ours has a 19 year old modeling, and she has been taken and done in by several photographers and what not, but her mom and her know that the day she says no, her career is over! It's the only chance she has. Prostitute herself. Her only hope is to get enough work behind her so she doesn't have to deal with these amateurs, but she's already thinking that it might not get any better after that!
 
Music bands is the same thing, although if you can make it on your own, you can tell these leeches where to stuff it, and what to do with it. You don't need more people stealing your hard won earnings.
 
However, that is the way I think, and yes, I agree with you. But you and I would always wish that it was all just days of winde and roses and dresses, and fun, and sometimes, it isn't. But you do NOT want to lose your gift by having it stolen!

Karyn ...
If you're going to put years of your life into playing with bands, make sure you know what you want out of it from day 1.  If you aim to "make it big" make sure there is no one  in the band with a day job that currently pays their mortgage..  They WILL NOT give it up.
...

 
My old friend, Tom Payne, and his brother David, put together a band when we were living together. Tom was already a very good drummer (a la Carl Palmer) with a very good touch, and he also had a fairly steady voice for singing. They stuck it out for a various years, and one of the reasons why I ended up here in Portland/Vancouver was because I knew Tom and Dave were here. I've been here ever since.
 
Tom is the only one that never quit. He was also the one that would sit on his brother's small Yamaha piano and play things and learn songs and practice his singing at the oddest times ever, but he always stuck with it.
 
Well, "Smokin' Mirrors" and Tom has been in Tennessee for a few years, and they even have had their night at the House of Blues and some nicer places (we hope!). And Tom sent me 2 CD's of music just recently, and I can recognize 2 to 3 pieces that him and Dave had already started on 30plus years ago. Tom stopped drumming here in 1983 when his $3K Ludwig drum set was stolen at the club called Cousins here in Portland. He never drummed after that for anyone else. But he is a very good singer, and arranger, and has fairly good chops at the wheel.
 
Yes, you go as far as you want to and dedicate yourself, and you can tell that things were hard and his life was tough as he had children since then, but the person you are with has to know that is it about the music or not?
 
You stuck to the music. End of story. I never married, because I wanted to write and hopefully also do music, theater and film, and I did not want to be hurting children, or my lady with it all. It was bad enough that our family had 9 children, and dad got very famous and all that ... but you know what? In every house and country there is a God and the children don't mean anything, and guess where we all fit in that equation? Makes it harder to be confident in yourself and maintain a relationship that helps you with that confidence. It never happened for me, and I finally gave up on it.
 
I still write, like crazy as you can tell, but I am no longer living an illusion or idea that one day it will happen, or not. I don't care if it does or not anymore. I write to satisfy my vision, not anyone else's, and no one can take that away from me, ever!
 
So if a guy shows up in flames to shake my hand, he is likely to get a bucket of pee on him! Yeah, a bit cynical, but after such a long time of nothing, I'm not sure I would be happy with something!

Footnote:
(wee what I done there)
 
Cold Feet=Apply Warm Boots

Good  luck, spindlebox. 

spindlebox
 He is going to help us get an agent, and get on some big festivals, tours, etc. - perhaps for up to 2 months at a time.

nevermind....I would be one that would have to be replaced.

I don't really have any advice for you, but I feel for your situation - it's exactly why my band split. We were offered a 5-6 week support slot on a tour, mostly in France and four of the five of us were prepared to chuck our jobs if the extended leave couldn't be negotiated with our respective employers. The guitarist was the fly in the ointment which was particularly annoying as he was self employed so could have easily picked up where he left off if we came back with nothing but a bit of good/bad experience. Even worse all of his "self-employed" work came from the same guy, who was not only a good friend of his, but our No.1 fan. He owned the building where we rehearsed and wouldn't even take money for rent or power because he wanted us to give us all the help he could to try and take it to the next level. No way would he have had a problem with it and he even told him so when he became aware of the situation. He had a mortgage and such, but so did I and the drummer. The pay would have been much the same as we earned anyway (actually more in my case) so the only real risk was how long it would take to get a job again when we came back if that was required. He was the only one who didn't have that problem, but the only one that wouldn't go. Go figure ? Cold feet or under the thumb from Mrs Guitarist ? Who knows ? My money was on the Mrs. Replacement wasn't an option as there wasn't time and he also owned a lot of the stage gear which he said we couldn't use when a stand-in was suggested. Even more galling for me was that the final band meeting where we tried one last time to persuade him, failed and so decided that there was no point in continuing if we weren't going to take the opportunities that came our way was the day I made the final monthly payment of 18 on the keyboard that I couldn't really afford and it was finally mine.  Great ! Nice keyboard - no band !
 
From my experience, it's hard to see that things will be the same between you later on if they don't come on board. Hope you find some kind of resolution. Good Luck !

Dealing with COLD FEET
 
Socks...........I thought this was the CH. 

Yeah, Bit's advice is where we were leaning.
 
As far as the rest of it - this band ONLY operates with contracts, and we'll be retaining a music attorney.  We have a bank account and even filed taxes for the first time this year (and got a nice return!)  

If everything checks out we'll obviously do it.


I'll check back in when I have more of a concrete idea of what's going on! :)  Thank you all SO much!