Wooney? Are you for weal Woy?

 
If Rooney is the best choice for England captain we've got, we must be in the proverbial
 
I mean, for a start, he'll now be the official spokesman for the England team. Even at his most coherent, his muffled babblings are little more than cadenced grunts.
 
And secondly, this appointment means his place in the side is virtually guaranteed. I defer to those more knowledgeable about the beautiful game than I, but in my opinion at least, I think he's well past his (previous over-rated) best, and recent performances suggest he should have actually been a worthy candidate for getting dropped, not promoted.