The Paul McCartney Is Dead Conspiracy

rsp@odyssey.net
 
I heard a couple of guys talking about her once, and one of them asked "what is her name?" and the other thought for a split second then replied with complete confidence "Stumpy the Gold Digger".
 

Might be a bit harsh that......apparently that the latest Mrs M spends twice as much as her on shoes.
 

One of the craziest theories stated that, approximately 40 years from now, a prototype time machine will be stolen by an elderly Vanilla Ice. (In his defense, he later said that he made a wrong turn at the buffet line at the Senior Center and accidentally ended up in the sub-basement of the university's physics lab. While this claim has the ring of plausibility, not everyone is convinced.) The former rapper turned health and fitness promoter (Thighs, Thighs, Baby), did what any self-respecting senior citizen would do when faced with incomprehensible technology. He hit buttons at random and shouted for his wife to come fix the remote. His efforts to find Wheel of Fortune on the TV resulted in an unscheduled launch of the untested pod into December 14, 2014 at 3:30 PM, where it crushed the hood of an overpriced sports car. The car, of course, was owned by Justin Bieber, who had a screaming meldown until he realized that there were no cameras present. Seeing the time, Mr. Ice took a cab back to the Senior Center to claim the good recliner in the lounge before the second hour of Wheel of Fortune. Without a shiny ride to pose with, an overly curious Bieber climbed into the pod. Justin did what any self-respecting young person would do when faced with advanced, cutting edge technology from the future. He hit buttons at random and tried to take a selfie. Unfortunately, the frustrated Bieber ended up hurtling into November 9, 1966 shortly after 5AM, where the pod crushed a beautiful Austin Healey. The car had been driven by a now deceased and rather messy Paul McCartney. George Martin arrived on the scene shortly afterward and nearly ran into Mr. Bieber, who was busy trying to get rescue workers to take his picture. Recognizing Justin's star quality, Mr. Martin shot him with a tranquilizer dart and stuffed him into the boot of his car. (This was a common technique for transporting rock stars at that time.) Once ensconced in a janitor's closet at Abbey Road studio, a team of top makeup artists transformed Justin Beiber into Paul McCartney. It took some time for Justin to come to terms with his new life. In an effort to successfully imitate Paul's British accent, Justin watched Mary Poppins 800 times in George's private screening room. Justin (a.k.a. Paul) privately marveled at the idea that as long as the public believed he really was Paul McCartney, they would actually like him. Meanwhile, the BBC acquired the time pod from the wreckage and sent in a crack team of researchers to figure out how to use it to increase revenue. After a great deal of deliberation and watercress sandwiches, they painted it blue and sent it back in time to November of 1963 to be used as a prop on Dr. Who. Vanilla Ice was never seen again. (We hope)