Don't Shoot Me!!! Lynn gave me the idea for this song...lol

I will take full responsibility...lol.....Lynn you are off the hook..lol
 
https://billyandlewis.bandcamp.com/track/under-the-bridge
 
This is just a first take at sling some stuff on the barn door, a first really rough draft. I have the rest of the lyrics written but not sure about the music and the vocal sucks at the moment.
Perhaps someone else would like to sing.
 
Do I continue down this path or start over....need some feedback.
 
BTW Lynn came up with the idea of a song about someone living under a bridge so I am trying to write it.
 
Thanks,
 
Billy

It's a start Billy... I know this sounds rude, but will Lynn be providing the vocals?
 
Actually, I know a tale of someone living under a bridge. He's a bit misunderstood though, and perhaps this could be a song where he gives his side of the story:-
 
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Three_Billy_Goats_Gruff
 
Just kidding, of course 

Planobilly
and have a lot of work to do on the music and time consuming playing all the parts myself.

So long as it's not a chore eh Billy 
 
According to Sonar "Project Info" I've been polishing my current tune for 137 hours now... In nine days 

I think the idea needs to be developed a little more before posting. What you have is a bit depressing. Maybe the chorus to be written would be a little more uplifting?

Hey Billy, 
I am sorry for your loss of a friend. I also really appreciate your service to our country.  This is a song forum. We don't know or are not expected to know all the details behind a song idea. How can we? That does not mean we are insensitive to someone's story but if you look at it in perspective, presenting songs and idea for songs means you might be open to all kinds of feedback. 
 
My comments were to say there was just not enough to comment on at this stage. It seems there is much more behind the lyric/song that you know about but not us. So I took it all at face value because that's really all I can do. 
 
You will need to let us know more about your rough ideas so that when we comment, we have a clue about what you are thinking. If you don't, replies like mine will be meaningless to you and therefor you have to explain yourself. 
 
I like to keep things very objective.  Here's an idead - what do you think? Here's a song, do you have suggestions on how it can be improved? I can handle that better than here's an idea but there is actually a lot of very personal feelings in it but you don't know what those are. 
 
So please accept my apology. If I would have know about your friend, I would not have commented at all. 
 
 

Good luck, Billy.  I may do a spin on it someday.  Today your link didn't work, but I heard a few bars the other day, and I like the melody and progression.  Watch out for that Muse!

tried to listen Billy but the link was dead

Pretty hard hitting lyrics there Billy...
 
As an idea, I think it's working fine... All apart from, well... I'm kind of expecting "is a living hell" to come in a bit earlier. I'm struggling to count the beats, but that's my lack of skill rather than your tune. I just think that bit between "Now my life," and "is a living hell" is a touch too long.
 
That said... I could get used to it, and we need to find out what the experts think 
 
cheers Billy,
 
andy
 
(I'm off to listen to one of my own toons now to cheer me up  )