Happy Pills

Song is good Cian, well written, catchy and a good arrangement. Trap kit snare and cymbals sounded disconnected from the rest of the track and need bedding in better to my ears.

your so damned talented almost anything you drill down into sounds good...
 
kinda has a Saw Doctors feel to me...(I'm a use fan) so its cool for me ears.

There is so much "right" going on here...vocal, arrangement (for the most part)...even concept...but it doesn't hang together. The lyrics need work. Every line should follow the line before it and advance the narrative. Plus it should be understandable to the dimmest bulb listening.

If this seems cold, remember, you asked for honest opinions. That's mine.

Great feel. Great vocal sound. Great groove. Mushy message.

You in fact asked for it!
 
1) Absolutely keep it. Great groove, and SUPER strong chorus.
2) You could sing the phone book and it would be very listenable.
3) the first problem I had were the lyrics in the first verse. That's where you want to hook people, right away. I was totally left flat and unimpressed by your lyrics in the first verse - do they really relate to your excellent chorus idea? I'm not sure. I'm referring to everything up to "heaven's bed" - which you might regard as the first "two" verses
 
If this were my song, I'd take the lyrics from the SECOND verse (for me, this is the verse after the first chorus) which are excellent and on-theme, and put them in the first verse position. Much stronger hook for the listener. I'd put the current first verse lyrics on the compost pile. Something good might come of them later!
 
4) The organ improv gets in the way of your singing, towards the middle of the song
 
5) For me, whenever you have the word "place" at the end of a lyric line, I'd replace it with a repeat of "direction" or something that rhymes with that. Affection/dejection/erection   ???
 
All my friends
they look at me
troubled times
is what they see
I know I make
I'm a sorry sight
but I know how
to get it right
 
sorry for suggesting these for your first verse but it took me three minutes and it's on theme. Just an idea. Doggerel, but just an idea.
 
by the way, great song!
 
cheers,
-Tom
 

Delighted with the feedback, and good quality feedback at that. The overall vibe I get is the song was enjoyed but a lack of coherency in the song theme left it wishy washy.
 
I have done another version:
Which has new lyrics near the start, slight change in chorus and bridge section, it should be a bit more obvious.
Also the organ and ride was tamed on the bridge.
 
Here it is
https://soundcloud.com/ci...n/happypills19/s-UR3I6
 
I havent touched the cymbal or snare, it just didnt really offend me, its probably the juxtaposition of sampled drum with the organic acoustic nature of the track.
 
For those that made the pointers, I would appreciate another listen. Are the lyrics still letting you down, does the bridge drop out?
 
Thanks folks,
 
Cian

Thanks Larry. Fixed
 
Cian

Cian, this is one of your best.  The updated mix is very smooth and made me feel happy (however, I did accidentally swallow some bong water).  Good job, mate.

Big smiles now. I like what you did with lyrics, it works much better now and the whole thing is really quite catchy. I particularly like how you sing "against" yourself in the outtro chorus, throwing in some extra improv over the top of the hooky chorus. Nice!
 
cheers,
-Tom

this sounds great!
 
i can't find much of anything to suggest..
 
the shaker on the right catches my attention too much,
maybe it just needs to panned center instead of far right...
 
 

Cian,
 
You asked for brutally honest,,, I think it is terrific. 
 
Here are some suggestions as requested:)..     You could bring in some more drums/beats/rhythm on the 2nd verse around 1:03 heading into the chorus.    Bring it up a bit before hitting the Chorus.    
 
1:19 to 1:35 is a really awesome,   Very strong Chorus.   You could repeat it again rather than that bridge section from 1:36 to 1:58.  I think if you had to pick a weak section it would be 1:37-1:58.   Didn't really get it......   I was expecting verse 3 to come in at 1:37, or a repeat of the chorus.   After you say "pushin pills for this heartache",  it would be cool to add silence and then head into the next verse.   
 
I think you could also add some vocal counter-point during the chorus....
 
I would kill the train beat during the Chorus at 2:16 and repeat the beat between 1:19 to 1:35 at this point.   The Chorus is super strong, I wouldn't confuse the listener by changing it up too much.
 
Hope this is helpful.   The song is really terrific as mentioned, these are minor production nits and more personal taste than anything.  Great work.
 
Regards

I've only heard the third version, but I like this quite a bit. Well done!
 
Regards,
Dan
 

brutal comments:
would add a snare-like thing at 1.00min (a side stick or something) on 2 and 4, at this point in the song should not be 'standing still'.
That guitar loop and the happy pills theme are so exceptional good, a lot of people would enjoy it and hit play many times I'm convinced.
Maybe the song would come out more, in a little simpler organised version without too much going on (keep this version for the live shows).
Other than that you have an awesome singing voice and it's recorded/mixed perfectly.
This is exceptional stuff imo.
 
 

Guys, thanks for the extra feedback (mark,woodioflop, dan, tony, wouter & chad) taken into consideration and I have now created another version with a lot more bite to it, I would love you to listen, particularly those that have already posted. please!
 
https://soundcloud.com/cian-mcgovern/happy-pills-v2/s-AAYfI
 
Cian
 
 

This works much better. More flow. Bass seems to resonate a bit too much.

About the only time I listen to a lot of music at once is at the gym or times I get to be here.  I rate the songs on how does it help me get through the next hour on the treadmill or do a few more lifts. I believe this one would work for that.  That's my offbeat way of saying that I think this is a good, fun song.  I don't always hear the things a producer or the artist doin it hears.  I just know how a song makes me feel, motivated, sad, happy, etc. This one makes me feel good.