Unforgiven - new tune

Cheers - been a long time since I finished anything - just wrapped this up. All comments/suggestions welcome (I already know I need a better singer).
 
http://www.onlytheunusual.com/myj/index.php/my-songs/14-unforgiven
 
Lyrics.
It’s blood over water –  it’s  the ties that bind
It’s a natural order – not a written kind
It’s just something everybody knows.
 
It’s a family thing – bout the dos and the don’ts
The lines that we cross and the lines that we won’t
It’s just something that you feel inside
 
Like that pack of dogs on the edge of town
You can’t chase them off, you can’t stare ‘em down
They stickin’ together and they survive
 
Well I always thought we be like that too
You countin’ on me I countin’ on you
Oh dear brother yeah was I surprised
 
Because you did that thing you did, you said that thing you said and now as long as I am livin’ you’ll remain unforgiven
 
Like that poet said to forgive is divine
Well it don’t work like that, not in this life of mine
What you give is what you gonna get
 
For the knock on the door that went ignored
There’s a price to be paid that you cannot afford
cause it’s something I just can’t forget
 
Yeah you did that thing you did, you said that thing you said and now as long as I am livin’ you’ll remain  . . . unforgiven, unforgiven, unforgiven 

The groove is nice and tight on this. Mix, overall, is pretty good. That said, here's what stuck out to me:
 

• Harmonica doesn't sound like it is in the same room with everything else.
• The echo on the lead vocal sort of smears the clarity a bit and makes understanding the lyrics a little tough in spots. Either duck the echo or pan it out of center.
• A few (very few) spots where the timing on overdubbed vocals is a tad off, making them step on each other.

 
Regards,
Dan
 
 
 

Good song, performance and production.  I would like to hear just a hint more clarity in the LVox.  The singing is good, just sounds a little buried with the delays/double-tracking.  Like it:)  
 
Regards

Thanks everyone for the time and the feedback. It really is helpful and gives me the energy to say “let me go back once again and try to make this sound a bit better”. I know there’s some work needed but the positive response is also very inspiring.
Kevin
Yeah – the harmonica – you’re not the only one pointing that out – I guess I should address this.
Dan,
Very helpful – I understand exactly what you’re saying – maybe I can tweak this a bit.
Daryl
I know what you mean about the vocals – it’s partly my dissatisfaction with my voice – just try to cover it up.
Mark
Yeah – vocals . . . hey - I checked out your No Matter What - I always loved that tune - super job you did. Vocals are super.
Bob,
I’m vintage for sure. As mentioned by all – the vocals – bane of my existence.
 
And today – I am at work but I will squeeze in some time to do some listening/commenting of my own. Thanks again, your help is appreciated.

Hey Manny -- very well-written song.  The lyrics are structured well and remain on point (which is always a sign of lots of good songcraft).  I identify with those lyrics and was touched by them.
 
My initial feeling was that it's a good groove that needs to breathe in the mix -- perhaps in the panning and a bit of eq.  Also, the harmonica in the beginning took away from the great guitar part -- and was sometimes a bit of distraction throughout the song. And, your vocal is very good -- appropriate for the tune and expressive.  So, no problems there.  All in all, very solid and just needs a little tweaking (hey, we've all heard that before, right?).  I'll certainly listen again as I enjoyed this.
 
Allan
===

Yo, like the basic premise of the tune.  I like the guitar work too.  What are you using for effects on your guitar? 
I personally would like the vocals more upfront, but that seems to be what I always say.  It sounds like there is a heavy chorus on there or something.  I really like the horns too.  Are you using a midi guitar?
 
Thanks
 
Jesse

Love the tune. Awesome instrumentation choices. Great tone and style. Vox need to come up a tad IMO.

Oh yeah! 
Bring those vox up and you've got a winner!

Mannynyagain
Scotty (is this correct? Or did I confuse you with someone else?) - thanks for the good vibes - I did as you said. Bumped the vocal, brought the harmony up a bit while I was at it. This feedback is so very, very helpful and encouraging. Thanks!
 

Yup, it's me, Scottytunes!

Well I think I listened to this after you have made some adjustments? I think it's a really great tune, very cool chord changes, melody, and lyrics. So it's hard to ask for more than that!
 
If this were my song, I'd completely nuke that harmonica. Maybe just keep the "reggaeish backbeat" hits, those kind of fit. If you like the line it plays, maybe another instrument. I could hear some B3 on this!
 
And, if you say you've already brought the vocals up, then OK but I'd say bring 'em up again. I don't think the listener would be depressed at all - your voice has life experience in it, and that's cool.
 
nice one! 
cheers,
-Tom

Cool song!  Catchy concept and lyrics, nice groove, chord changes and melody.   And the arrangement works well.   As with others I see no problem with the vocals at all... I think the fit the song well. 
 

 
Hi Manny,
 
this song touched me from the first bar to the last.
I know ...time won't heal all wounds.
Your performance and production is excellent !
 
Thanks for sharing!
 
Hello from Amsterdam,

Hey Manny, been awhile eh? Really like this tune. I'm late to this, but it looks like you got things sorted out, as the mix sounds well balanced. Nothing wrong with you vocal performance at all bud.
 
I listened to this twice, and there was something that seemed familiar but I couldn't quite put my finger on it. Then it hit me. I did the vocal on this song for Paul Russell a couple of years ago. Similar vibe and a similar subject matter. Its the first song on my soundclick page.
 

Excellent Manny. I would not change a thing except maybe bring the drums up a db or two.
 
Vocal reminds me of Dylan (and I meant that in a good way ).

Hey Manny, just to let you know that I've listened a few more times -- re-listening now -- and still enjoying this.  You did a good job on re-doing some of the stuff. Oh, I meant to tell you that I hear echoes of Delbert McClinton in your voice -- and that ain't bad, my friend. 
 
Allan
====