Composition Critique please

hi all,
just before Xmas, a friend of ours asked me to write a
song for their upcoming wedding vow renewal ceremony.
They didn't want to hear it beforehand .. so i guess it's a
surprise... and i'd like it to be as pleasant a surprise as
possible.
In any case, it'll be in a church ... so i wrote this one
pretty much by the book .. except for a few jazz chords
(which I couldn't resist .. ) ;-) I guess it's about the right length
.. under the 3 minute rule.

Anyway, I got a couple of weeks to finish this up .. but I
thought I'd run this by the songs forum since I always get
valuable critiques from you kind folks...

my take on it is that the lyrics are the weak spot on this one....

Anyway .. it's at:

After All

or rev 2 .. which incorporates the comments from below ...

After All (rev 2)


Thanks much,
Jeff

thanks for your critique .. hopefully i'll find somebody other than
me to sing it for the ceremony ;-) ... i listened to it again and
i know what you mean....
thanks again,
jeff

Jeff,
Nice song. A bit generic but I think that is what this type of song should be, you know easily accessable. I think the lyrics are fine however one thing to think about is that the section speaking of them making it through the storm or something similar should maybe be changed as a wedding signifies THE beginning and it tends to sound like this should be in an anniversary song. (just my take on it if I were having to do this type of song) little thing I just wanted to point it out.
Also Jeff it sounds a little like a comp of a popular song that uses the same words "after all" not sure who by but even the tonality sounds very much the same as this song I am talking about.....song is something like "After all, we made it through the fire ...after all...." or something. Do you know the song? Anyway just the parts where you say after all...(nice job on the vox. I think if you had a little more confidence in your voice you would do very well vocally. I suffer from the same lack of confidence in my voice so I can relate to the somewhat timid delivery. I do it all the time. I hhope you receive this as it was intendid. Constructive and supportive.
Anyway,
A little more is needed and I think it will be a fine tribute to your friends upcomming wedding. Have you started on a condolence song yet for the divorce? Just kidding....
Mark

Hey Jeff,
I missed that about the renewing the vows part. I am sorry I guess i was not paying attention....again! So then It works perfectly. This should be indicated even more strongly by my comments then eh?

Hey wait a sec....I think the song I am referring to might say "Even Now"....Maybe thats it. If it is I digress. and well done<G>
Mark

hi buckington .. i forgot to thank-you for your compliments...

and chaz, no worries .. 2005 is starting out busy ... this will
be a live performance .. so you wanna fly out ? ;-) if i wind up
submitting this, we'll track it up right .. and i'll look forward
to your (usual) good drum progs....

jeff

this will
be a live performance .. so you wanna fly out ? ;-)

Sure! All expenses paid?

Vox certainly better in Rev(2). You talented bastard. Besides the nice melody etc I really like how the piano remains laid back and interesting. Not sure how you accomplished that but it's really nice.

Sure! All expenses paid?

Jeff,

I was kidding.

I will still program a drum/perc track for you, though.

chaz did the coolest drum / perc track .. can't wait to stitch it in.
he would have made a great drummer ;-)
jeff

ORIGINAL: jmarkham

chaz did the coolest drum / perc track .. can't wait to stitch it in.
he would have made a great drummer ;-)
jeff

Thanks, Jeff. I think that comes from working with some great drummers over the years and having a pretty good sense of what works and what does not.

Anyway.... I am almost finished with the tracks, as I need to replace the toms. It will be ready for posting after that.

Jeff:

I think it's a great song for a vow renewal ceremony. If you're singing this live, you probably will want to add a short intro - I don't think you want to try nailing the first notes without any pitch reference! But, you knew that. I can't really think of anything to improve upon. They'll love it.

Well..... The drum/perc tracks are finished and Jeff should have them by now. Maybe he will post the song with the new drums/perc tracks when he gets the chance to do so. No doubt he will.

Sounds great, a Chaz mix? You can really sing when you are coerced into doing it properly.

back to Jeff on this one

You've been a good influence on him then.

Thanks, Ed.

Actually, Jeff's mixes are not that bad. He does a good job on them. He just sends them to me to take things to the next level. Some day he will not need my services at all.

Anyway.... I wish I had ten more clients like him. He is a great person with whom to work.