Google is watching!
Hello…is this Progressive Insurance ?
No sir, it's Google Insurance .
I must have dialed a wrong number. Sorry.
No sir, Google bought Progressive Insurance last month. How can I help you ?
OK. I would like to get a price quote .
Do you want your usual, sir?
My usual? You know me?
According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you told us that Flo our spokesperson annoyed you so much that you wanted to take her behind the Carousel and boink her and show her who the real boss was ...
Gee how did you guys know that , I thought that was just a secret fantasy of mine .Yeah ,OK That’s what I want …
May I suggest that you raise your standards a lot higher and try to get yourself a real girlfriend instead of an imaginary fictitious TV personality as a substitute .
What? I thought celebrity's and television spokespersons were supposed to fill a large void in lonely unsuccessful peoples lives .
According to all the information and data we have collected on you . You have it all wrong .
Your mental outlook on this topic is not good sir . We are here to serve you and make money off of you .
If you live in an Imaginary world with Imaginary friends and relationships , there is no profit in it for us.
WHAT THE HELL?, How the hell do you know me ? and what the heck do you mean by all that ?
Sir, I'm sorry, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you .
We are currently not at liberty to discuss the details of how we shoved a Deluxe Yellow Submarine Spy Center Suppository up your Keister .
You did What ?
Sir I understand how you feel , Would you like to speak to a supervisor ?
Yes I would like to speak to a supervisor ..
OK let me connect you , Sir please hold ....
Ring Ring ,,,
Hello Mr Wilson , you have reached the confidential voice mail of your very own personal Electronic Virtual Guardian Angel . I am not available to come to the phone at the moment , so when you hear the beep please hang up the phone and walk Duke . Duke has been patiently waiting for you to do so .
While you are out walking Duke do yourself a favor and just forget that Lady that keeps giving you the eye ...
it's not for you its for Duke ...
When you get done walking Duke I want you to forget about paying that one bill you have yet to have gotten delivered this month in your mail box ,You know the bill I'm talking about ...the one that you are waiting on .
Instead I want you to hop into your car and drive over to Guitar Center and buy that new guitar you have Goggled 25 times in the past few days ... G C now has it in brown sunburst ..so rush and hurry your A$$ up and go get it ....
I'm sitting here thinking to myself ...Huh ? WTF ?
Oh BTW Mr Wilson in case your sitting there thinking to your self Huh ? WTF ? don't you think it's about time you got dressed and put on your cloths ?
OK that's it Enough already! I'm sick to death of Google, Facebook, Twitter, What’s App and all the others. I'm going to an island without internet, cable TV, where there is no cell phone service and no one to watch or spy on me.
Mr Wilson you don't have enough money to do that , and you never will because I'm here to make sure of that .
Is there anything else I can help you with before you hear the beep ?
WTF ....No . haven't you done enough for me already ?
It 's my pleasure to have been of service to you Mr Wilson please have a nice day....beeeeepppp
Gee thanks
Kenny