Redecorated KIA

Crap...
 
Went over to our local minister's house to help him out with a real problem session in Reaper. He screwed it up, not me. We done got it fixed eventually. Advice for those auditioning Reaper not to change beats per minute and the Elastique pitch control at the same time. Fragile downside to Reaper if you do this. Engage one or the other and will give you more control than anything on the market. Reaper will not play nice however if you try to use both mods at the same time.. End point, project will be a mess.
 
While we were in there howling away and fixing tracks, a school bus swerved and impaled my rust bucket Kia car. Major redecoration to the back right side.
 
So so sorry for the driver of the school bus. Guy more old and decrepit than me. Job on the line.
Tried from my end to let him off the hook, but bad ramifications for the poor soul.
 
Anyone want to buy a 2001 Kia? Real cheap offer if you can tow it away. Accepting bids from those who want to drive...a...uh... Car that epitomizes the rugged outdoor Northwest. Precise artistic cracks in the windshield modeling the real outdoors. Lets you know when it is cold outside by failing to start. (Better and more reliable than NOAA predictions). Lets you know when it is raining because the interior is soaked in standing water from some unknown leak location.
 
Complete classy ride (especially after today...)
 
Taking offers... Guarantee that the young girls will go head over heals crazy when they see you with slicked back hair in this ride.
 
John
 

Here's a new one for you...
 

Ashamed to be posting about new car trivia when the greater number of our human family cannot afford a car at all. Starvation because they cannot afford a few grains of rice.
 
For the rich, for the fortunate. You buy a new car. Competition blasting you to deliver the best warranty deal in the industry. Peace of mind smoke and mirrors crap at your expense unfortunately.
 
Best thing they blow at you is the 3 year, 30,000 mile bumper to bumper protection with all the exclusions of what is not covered when you need it. Then the 10 year 100,000 mile power train warranty. Anything goes wrong with the engine, transmission, transaxle system is fully covered.
 
NOT!!!!!
 
Had the Kia sputtering and stalling. Needed the powertrain coverage to fix it. Kia rep over the phone had a somber tone. Get prepared that I was in deep trouble. 88 k miles and under the 10/100,000 warranty. I am dead meat.
 
My plea, yeah, it’s the engine malfunctioning like you guys said when you sold the piece of crap to me. Need the 10/100,000 engine insurance coverage.
 
Then the fine points in the legal crap. 10 year/ 100,000 miles covers the failure of any part touched by engine oil. This is unfortunately universal. Since my multiple engine failure problems were not touched with engine oil, I was out a thousand dollars over the engine failure and repair bill.
 
Respectable mechanic told me that the bastard car manufacturers know that in this day and age, things like rods, pistons, crankshaft etc in contact with engine oil will not fail in 10 years. They are safe not having to fix anything that cuts into the momentary profit of the quick sale.
 
Guess my advice if you can afford a new car, is buyer beware. They ain’t out there for your protection or well being.
 
Got to say also that Kia has the worst paint job in the industry, least protection against corrosion and rust. The thing started to dissolve into oblivion 2 months after I got it brand new. Will never ever buy another Kia.
 
Had another revelation when I had to take the car in to get raped. Was really depressed because it was my first time to HAVE to take a car in. Always did my own repairs, welding, busted knuckles, but always kept the rig running.
 
Finally was clueless about what was wrong with the engine. Shared this futility with the service manager. He said not to feel too bad about my incompetence and ignorance. Said they hook up the car to a first arcane computer. First computer advises how to sync with a second computer to look at the possible failures. Said there was nothing I could do as a lay mechanic to have a clue what went south.
 
Said also (interesting) that if you got a car past 1995 vintage, engine failures are 50 percent software failures. Reload the program and fixed for several hundred dollars out of your pocket..
 
John

Would not advise to get a Kia. Independent mechanic changed a timing belt for me and remarked how failed plastic was used where metal should have been. Substandard construction.
 
Only to document and for entertainment, this is some of what went on between Kia, Allstate insurance, police after the theft of my dream ride.
 
Was further screwed bad karma by the Kia dealership in Hillsboro Oregon. (NEVER buy a even cup of coffee from those bastards). When I bought the car, I lived about a hundred miles from the dealership and had concerns that I lived too far away. The sales rep was weeping tears of joy because I was 15 miles from their authorized extension maintenance facility. When the engine went south, the nearby shop said they never were a part of Kia. Lied to...
 
Got pissed of course and called them on this. They responded that I was a victim in the wording they told me, in the fine print legal definition of maintenance versus warranty. Maintenance can be done anywhere but for warranty, the car had to be towed back to them. Gotcha!
 
So screwed on that one up the creek without a paddle.
 
When the car was stolen and crashed, it had been garaged for a month and actually used for less than a week getting to work, adding about 20 miles of use.
 
The police found the car 12 miles away crunched half way through the Drift Creek Falls men's outhouse. They didn't want to get involved as soon as they knew insurance would be coming and wouldn't investigate or try to find the thieves. They told me case closed.
 
Allstate did a way better investigation. Found broken glass meth pipes and said with all the glass and blood, the meth heads would have checked themselves into an emergency room somewhere. Neither police or Allstate could explain how they got up enough speed in the parking lot to go through a concrete wall and cause so much damage to property and themselves.
 
Problem happened soon with the insurance claim on replacing a new car. The Kia was crunched up like an accordian up to the back seat. Means all the electronics were taken out on the dash.
 
They offered replacement cost minus $4000 because of the "honeymoon clause" What the fork is a honeymoon clause.
 
Since the electronic odometer was toast, they didn't accept my claim that it was only used 20 miles. They said when you get a new car, you go crazy and put thousands of miles on it. They deducted several thousand miles wear and tear per some fixed formula in cases like mine where they can't verify mileage.
 
I fought with them til they sent out a technician who was able to hook up and read the odometer.
 
Inspiring, the meth dudes had stolen the car in the night. Was found next morning demolished 12 miles away from my place. There were over 500 miles extra over the night. These guys were flying all over the place to crash next door.
 
Allstate charged me for their cruise and I ended up about a thousand dollars short.
 
My big mistake... I turned around and invested in another Kia which started to rust away in a couple months.
 
Don't buy a Kia, but their deception is part of the modern trend.
 
Helping out a little old lady neighbor with her 3 year old Mazda 2. Battery dead and needing replacement. Just had her tires replaced. 3000 miles on them and all four splitting apart in the tread. She called AAA before me to get it jump started and the tech was telling about the dismal state of factory installed parts. Car looks all new off the showroom floor. Built with garbage parts that they know they have about 3 years before the angry phone calls start.
 
Think I'm going to get me a horse, maybe a skateboard.
 
John