NEW SONG R2OS, comments & advice?

Hi, and regards to all of you here on CF. Been here for some years now, but not been the most active poster.

Hi. I've been using the Easter holidays to relax, review some music here and record a new song. It's an R.E.M. / Beatles sounding thing, about lost love, and what you go through when you break up with your lover.

Have been trying to learn from advice on earlier songs submitted, listening to you out there and reading comments here on cakewalk forums and the homerecording.com site.
Looking forward to getting your advice, comments and criticism on anything you can think of concerning this song.

Fine by me if you speak your mind and come with your honest subjective opinion, I can take it, I learn more from advice and criticism! :)


R2OS - Teardrop

Streaming 128 Song: Teardrop

320 kbps download (not soundclick)

All music is recorded as audio, drums are loops/samples. All instruments played by me.
I have no bass guitar yet, so the bass is a guitar transposed on octave down, have to get one!
The guitars are tuned in C6 and the acoustic have a capo on 6th.
Planning to by the CME UF8 keyboard with firewire to be able to work more freely with sounds and spices for the song.

I've always thought it a good thing to pass on some additional info on the recording, lyrics, influences and so on, so:

BPM: 109
Genre: Alternative pop/rock
Influences on this song: XTC, R.E.M, Chris Isaak, Grant Lee Buffalo
Length: 3:21
BPM: 109


My gear:
_ Cakewalk Sonar 2.2
_ Fender Strat+ http://www.guitarbar.com/images/FenderStratPlus92Sun.jpg
_ Fender Acoustic- Sierra Vista http://www.guitare-village.com/matos/23_02_2004/sierravista.jpg
_ Marshal MXL 2003 mic http://www.mtlc.net/manager/images/db/f1773.jpg
_ A small Behringer 4 track mixer http://www.videoviden.dk/images/behringer_mx602.jpg
_ Boss delay RDD-20 http://www.effectsdatabase.com/images/gear/Boss_RDD20_s.jpg
_ Boss Compression Sustainer CS-3 http://dynatone.ru/guiteffect_boss/ib/cs3.jpg
_ Creative Live soundcard from 1998 http://www.sk.co.yu/1999/02/sktd02.jpg
_ An AMD 2400 athlon

Lyrics:
R2OS – Teardrop 2005 ©

1) Save;
your lies
your ways

2) come what may
come what may

Chorus:
This is what it does
What was your cause?

Teardrop
Teardrop
Watering eyes
Watering eyes

3) Save:
your life
today

4) go away
go away

Chorus 2)
Say:
You waste your time
Say:
You waste mine

Teardrop
Teardrop

There's some great guitar players in this forum, and you are not exception. Wonderful. I love the Beatles and of course there is no doubt as to the musicianship and musicality of REM - so I knew I would probably like this. And I did (as a whole) ... and the ending BTW is really cool.

I found the lyrics too vague about what was happening in the relationship; in fact the lyrics comprise all small, common words - like from the top 100 words in the English language. Everyday words. So in that sense there is nothing memorable about them.

The rhythm guitars, even though well played, are a bit too loud, and probably a bit too much pick sliding going on sometimes <squeek>. I'm not a guitar player so I don't know what to call it, nor really how to properly record it, so take that for what it's worth. You got a great sound though - the mix, on second listen, sounded better than the first time through. You seem to know what you're doing. And again, on the second listen, I still think the ending is cool.

KEv

ORIGINAL: elektroniqa

KEv

Listened to your song; Pacemaker.

Sounds very professional. Love the deep, "pumping" feeling to it. Corresponds perfectly with the song title.
A little bit to much extreme left -right-right-left panning for my taste.

I wonder how it would have sounded with a more organic feel to the drums/percussion, like Massive Attack?

Looking forward to hearing more of this.