[track] Saharran Star

I've got some good news and some bad news for you... which do you want first... oh it doesn.t matter I can't wait I've got work to do...

The good news: great sounds, very pop, a nice set of patterns all working together and a clear mix

The bad news: Feels too long, the intro is stretched to the limit. At 5:32 it is quite long for the genre. But it could just be my age and my attention span getting shorter.

3eo,

so I guess you've heard from others that this takes too long to get going. I'd have to agree with them. your choice of sounds was interesting. to my ears this had a real video game feel to it. lots of bleeps, buzzes and swooshes. I like your judicious use of delay in places.

one comment I'd make is the melody lines seemed too constrained to me. perhaps that's the effect you were going for, but I kept anticipating that the melody would bust open a little wider than it did.

thanks for sharing 3eo.


eric

I am so grateful for the comments.

The intentions behind the track were to make a happy dance song w/out using common conventions like an arpegiator or trance gate.
I put that long intro in hopes that a dj somewhere on this planet would be able to judiciously spin the track. I kept the intro because when the song was nearing completion the imagery I had created in my mind begged for it to stay.
You see, I kept having these thoughts of a childlike star at the crossroads of consciousness. The thoughts taking control of the child and the true wonderment and joyful abandon of childhood getting left behind. So in the end the intro represented a moment of loneliness due to realizing the expansive nature of the world. Similar to waking up from a nap and for some reason or another the world just seems different but only your perspective has changed. The track teeters between childhood frolicking and thoughtful introspection returning to the beginning, keeping in mind that this a child that is a star.
Once again I do appreciate your comments.\

have a good one
3Eo

Reading through the other posts it seems that all the major criticisms have been pointed out and i do agree with them, but having said that i did find myself enjoying it more than i anticipated after the first minute or so. There are some nice choices of sounds and they interplay nicely with each other and at times the overall sound can be hypnotic. it's got an 80's industrial vibe, but that's mainly atributable to the driving beat and the odd metalic hit here and there. Musically it's not really developed enough to have a stong enough emotional effect on most listeners, but that's probably not what you intended anyway reading your last post, and it really does have a childlike sound overall as you intended. Production seemed spot on for the type of track and i've got no complaints there. pretty good for your first complete song, just keep at it and you'll develop quicker than you thought you would. Oh and don't worry about getting little attention in the songs forum as it's pretty rare if any electronic artist does there.

intresting....I liked it.

whats up with the long ass begining......

As others have said, it took a bit too long to get where it was going. Also, inner visions are nice and all, but listeners know nothing of your own personal story concerning the song, they just hear the notes. As a studio cheif once said to F. Scott Fitzgerald, "you can't film adjectives."

Sounds / Instruments / Effects: 7.5 (really liked these)
Arrangement / Notes / Patterns: 6.5 (some were catchy, but overall they didn't necessarily fit well together)
Vocals: n/a
Mixing / Mastering / Production: 7.5 (slightly uneven mix, but good overall)
[5 fair, 7 good, 8 great, 10 floyd]

The song really needs to gel more. YOu had too many good ideas but they were separate songs I think.

I agree with DA here. A lot of interesting stuff, but not a lot of it gelling together. With time, with time ...

Wow!

A song all built around a major chord, a rare occurence in the electronica world.
It truly gives it a childlike flavour.

And melodic development work. That is also unusual.

Was the use of augmentations and diminutions conscious? You are using this little C major arpeggio motif, in whole notes , half notes, quarter notes, and eight notes I think. I would have to relisten a couple times to tabulate all the rythmic versions and I am afraid I don't have the time today.
In the musical analysis business, we call this thematical organic development.

Something you can brag about in coktail parties...

I had fun listening to this, thanks

ORIGINAL: three_eyed_otter

whats up with the long ass begining......

Some ppl do concept albums, I attempted a concept intro.
Thanks for listening.

have a good one
3Eo

I meant it in a funny , sarcastic way..... no harm intended....

I'm trying to expand my musical horizons so you need to know where I'm coming from. I was classically trained in piano and then spent 38 years teaching music in the public schools before retiring 3 years ago. Although I have tried to stay rather up to date in my listening, there are some gaps in my knowledge. This entire realm of electronica is rather new to me and I haven't decided yet how it fits in with my musical tastes.
That said, I find this piece to be rather intriguing and quite interesting. There is a very logical sense of organization to it, not unlike some of the compositions of the early composers. The many permutations of the C major chord in your construction is clever, almost requiring a listener to try to follow it in other areas of the composition besides the melody. You have obviously put a lot of thought and effort into this piece and you are to be commended for your work. Giving birth to a musical isn't always as easy as Mozart made it seem! :/)
All in all, I did rather enjoy it and will listen to it again.

3EO,

Agreeing with the others about the intro. About half the length or bring your first hook in earlier. I like the light, happy, spontaneous feeling here. I found myself smiling a lot while listening. I also would agree with DA that you would benefit from the use of an arpeggiator on the first synth line. It doesn't have to be prominent but it would help the movement of the song a lot. Also the tempo could be quicker for dancing to.

Not quite Floyd material but I really liked it. Thanks.