For those that take life too seriously.......

1. Save the whales: collect the whole set.
2. A day without sunshine is like...night.
3. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
4. 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
5. 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
6. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
7. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
8. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
9. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
10. Support bacteria: they’re the only culture some people have.
11. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
12. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
13. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
14. If you believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
15. Ok, so what's the speed of dark?
16. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
17. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
18. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
19. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
20. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
21. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
22. I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
23. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
24. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.
25. Just remember - if the world didn’t suck, we would all fall off.
26. Light travels faster than sound; that’s why some people appear bright...until you hear them speak.

Beagle
BOOYA!

Should I take you seriously or are ewe drumming up something else?

On point #1... It ALWAYS amazes me the time and money spent on trying to get some whale off the beach or back down river when the obvious common sense answer is free BBQ for EVERYONE in town! The Nez Perce would have known what to do!!
J

my fav - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. 

6. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
 
Unfortunately, half the people they know are below average, discounting slart's thesis.

100% of the drivers on any given highway at any moment in time are morons. I calculated this statistic while sitting in traffic this morning. After I got off the road, I realized that calculation would indicate that I am a moron, as well. Not one to dispute well reasoned analysis, I concluded that I really shouldn't listen to myself before I've had at least two mugs of coffee.
 
You can't believe everything you tell yourself.

 I have tried different coping strategies to try and keep my blood pressure down on the highway. 
I had to change my expectations  to almost zero and then tell myself that while what happens isn't anticipated it's expected....even then though sometimes I get a curve ball. I could close my eyes but I'm not trained in the art of blind driving.

Billy said, you can get arrested_for_driving_while_blind!!

I drive at the speed of dork. My passengers always hide their faces so they won't be recognized. Even the goats look embarrassed.

Whoops! I'm taking life too seriously.

Over the years, I've learned to practice patience with everyone/anyone on the road and it has helped to keep me calm without overreacting the stupid things people attempt behind the wheel. I expect people to do stupid things on the road, and generally, they're very compliant with this. I get really shocked/confused when someone is courteous and offers to let me in.
 
Starise, maybe you could use a sign???
 

27. Don't believe everything you think

UbiquitousBubba
100% of the drivers on any given highway at any moment in time are morons. I calculated this statistic while sitting in traffic this morning. After I got off the road, I realized that calculation would indicate that I am a moron, as well. Not one to dispute well reasoned analysis, I concluded that I really shouldn't listen to myself before I've had at least two mugs of coffee.
 
You can't believe everything you tell yourself.

This is exactly why I work from home (that and the fact that there aren't any coworkers around to steal my becan). 

Quoting a Finnish comic strip:
Does light move faster when threatened?