Funniest stand-up I've heard in a long time

I think most of the warped loons who inhabit this forum will enjoy this as much as I did. 
 
WARNING: contains potty-mouth words your mother wouldn't approve of.
 

 

Every morning I turn on the local news, and it features a daily segment by a self-proclaimed "Social Media Expert" who reports what people are tweeting about. This is one guy who wouldn't last a day in the woods with a hatchet, much less figure out how to make batteries or bullets.
 
 

I'm not much on Rogan.  Some of Sam Kinison's bits are my favorites.
 
The one about Jesus being married still cracks me up.
 
 

Louis CK is a great example of a comedian who...."goes there"....when he really really shouldn't....but it's funny as hell all the same. What a talented guy. Not only is his standup top notch but his show "Louie" is one of the best things on TV of the last 20 years IMO. It's beautifully written and directed (by himself), the camera work is amazing, he's a great actor and the whole show is a perfect mix of profound melancholy and hilarity. There have been some incredible actors in there. I mentioned Doug Stanhope before, who didn't want to do it because he thought he couldn't act but ended up delivering one of the best acting performances in TV history, but also of note was Michael Rapaport's amazing portrayal of an overbeating NYPD cop who tries to befriend Louie and ends up losing his gun. Even the little girls who play his kids are fantastic actors. There is just so much talent in that show. 

Love Louis C.K. humor.  He had a bit about people complaining about air travel that had me rolling on the floor.

Somebody complains that they had to sit on the runway for 40 minutes.
His response, which is better when you hear him tell it, but still funny:

Oh my god, really? What happened then, did you fly through the air like a bird, incredibly? Did you soar into the clouds, impossibly? Did you partake in the miracle of human flight and then land softly on giant tires that you couldn't even conceive how they f**king put air in them?...You're sitting in a chair in the sky. You're like a Greek myth right now.

BobF
I'm not much on Rogan.  Some of Sam Kinison's bits are my favorites.
 
The one about Jesus being married still cracks me up. 

Give them a suitcase and a plane ticket!

Now it can be revealed: For a long time I have had the idea for an epic TV-reality show a bit like "Survivor" or "Naked and Afraid" on steroids. It would have three or four teams in competition. The premise is to start the teams with almost nothing (Okay...Maybe a hatchet), and the winner is the first group to transmit a radio message within a given frequency range declaring that "We win!". The only set-up would be that the groups would be restricted to a given geographic range (a large range), and that the raw materials (e.g. iron ore, coal) to accomplish the goal would be somehow made available within that range.
 
A single "season" would span years. In all likelihood, none of the original players would make it to the end.
 
What is fire?
What is electricity?
What is gravity?
How do we know how big the earth is?
How can I conceive a time span of a million years?

Nice one, Bit! I'm not afraid to admit that Rogan made me surpass a chortle and break open a stack of full on guffaws!

If you haven't seen it? Here's one of my favorite sets by Bill Burr:

https://youtu.be/-BSlqZYtWzQ