Help . I need to know what the F I'm doing wrong with this song ... no kidding

Hi Steve, this song has a really nice wintry atmosphere, you've captured that 'grey' feeling perfectly. The only changes I would make are to the pay-off lyric; keep to the same line each time, 'everything is grey', and make that heard above the music. The first two instances almost disappear beneath the mix.
 
Good song, with a Sting-like quality.
 

I rather like this because you set the mood of the story very well. I listened to it several times.

I think I would remove the filter sweep thing in the first 15 sec.
The tremolo at 1:40 seemed a bit too much.
Couple of lyric lines seemed too different from the others in the way they were said/sung.
"he doesn't tell the truth"
"they used to love this time of day"
Kind of wondered why the lyrics are in the third person point of view but it works.

I only noticed the above because I was in critique mode. Would not have noticed otherwise. It's a very good song.
Thanks for sharing.

I liked this a lot. Really great atmosphere, and nicely melodic. I also like your voice - has a great vibe to it, evoked a bit of Chris DeBurg, to my ears, with a slight dash of Roger Hodgeson (in both cases I consider that a good thing). 
 
As you are looking for some constructive commentary, I listened a couple of times and few things did sort of catch my attention and broke the spell a bit. 
 
0:36 - "..ground" is off-key enough that it immediately jumped out at me. I have no issue with some stylish wandering off pitch, but this particular note struck me as too off-key to work. 
 
1:21 - 1:56 (roughly) - I'd really tighten up the playing here. I love the instrumentation, but not everything is tight or in sync. To my ears, the guitar parts are not settling in with the harpsichord sound properly, and they almost sound like they are fighting each other a bit. 
 
From 3:44 to the end, same issue as above. I love the overall texture and instrumentation, and the sound mix is good, but I'd try to tighten up the playing. 
 
Hope you don't mind my honesty on these matters. I think it's a great song, and I figured some honest feedback would be helpful. 
 
Rob

Bjorn :-    My thanks for the advice, I kinda like the sweep pad at the start but maybe I'll try something else for an intro, I've got to agree with the tremolo though, never noticed it till now so thanks for that. The whole song was written in a third party perspective so "he doesn't tell the truth" and "they used to love this time of day" is a sort of time out to let the listener into his mind set at those times, but I'll take that under advisement as I'm gonna start from scratch ..ish. Thankyou for the time you spent and your comments they are very helpful.
 
Rob :-    Roger Hodgeson !? What a compliment! (I take that as a good thing too) … Dead right about 0.36 “ground” it is flat! I could use auto tune but I don't like using it much so I'll ditch it and do it again. I think you hit the nail on the head at 1.21 onwards M8, the Harp is out of sync with my awful guitar playing (well the other way 'round actually) and maybe that needs a re-think. I love the honesty and your time for listening and commenting, Thanks a lot

Hi,
Cool song,ocean of sadness in it....
For me the song should stand by itself with a somewhat simpler and maybe a little " straighter" musical play-back.
Maybe as if you wanted to be able to play it live with your piano or your guitar.
I think you can transmit emotions to an audience with this tune but( for me) I get somewhat confused with all theese musical informations arriving at the same time.
That is by evidence my personnal point of view with no meaning to pretend to have any understanding of what music is....
Cheers.
Olivier.

The best advice anyone gave me viz *hows arrangements are made* is to learn an instrument really well.  This forces you to listen carefully and under a microscope. The better composers know many instruments and the best composers know many instruments really well.  Studying compositions in detail isn't as effective as the instrument approach I don't think.  (or I should say studying compositions without the con-text of an instrument isn't as effective.)

Oh my gosh. That is the best turn-around of a song I've ever witnessed. Just amazing what you've done with it. Bravo!

Really brilliant.  So moving.  Hope you have some luck with this in one way or another.  

Hi Steve,
I knew this song was beautiful and you've done a really good job to put the light on the two important things ( for me): the quality of the songwriting and ... Well ....your voice.
Hope you will find motion with it,it is indeed a beautiful song.
Olivier.

Yeah +1 on the turnaround, man that's a nice track you got there.  

My furry ears enjoyed that, they did not hear the first version, my only comment a little more atmospheric reverb on the vocal.  Nothing more to add, thanks for sharing.