Helpful ReplyHelp . I need to know what the F I'm doing wrong with this song ... no kidding

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SupaReels Music
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2018/01/30 18:02:38 (permalink)

Help . I need to know what the F I'm doing wrong with this song ... no kidding

I could really use you guys to help, I personally love this work but I can't get it right. I don't know whether it's timing, over produced or just me being a bad musician … I've looked at some of your work and I have the gear plus being retired I DO have the time … it's just … well you all know ...but a cry for help is never a bad thing with you lot! ( hold back!! a ha Doh!) many thanks          https://soundcloud.com/us...bsp;   
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jamesg1213
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Re: Help . I need to know what the F I'm doing wrong with this song ... no kidding 2018/01/30 18:19:47 (permalink)
Hi Steve, this song has a really nice wintry atmosphere, you've captured that 'grey' feeling perfectly. The only changes I would make are to the pay-off lyric; keep to the same line each time, 'everything is grey', and make that heard above the music. The first two instances almost disappear beneath the mix.
 
Good song, with a Sting-like quality.
 

 
Jyemz
 
 
 



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SupaReels Music
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Re: Help . I need to know what the F I'm doing wrong with this song ... no kidding 2018/01/30 19:04:13 (permalink)
Many thanks I've done this track with different ideas and I agree  ... so I'll do it again with that in mind     (BTW the wife came into the studio today with my 3pm cuppa, and said "Who's that .... I said “Nettlesmith” .. not bad are they? “Early Eagles?” ..(Cookin' In Satan's Kitchen) “Nop, Scottish band back in the day it would seem” …. “Get the album, we'll listen to it in the car” … to you it means nothing, but she has NEVER played my stuff in the car! … just NOT allowed .. Your THAT good LOL
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bjornpdx
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Re: Help . I need to know what the F I'm doing wrong with this song ... no kidding 2018/01/30 20:22:34 (permalink)
I rather like this because you set the mood of the story very well. I listened to it several times.

I think I would remove the filter sweep thing in the first 15 sec.
The tremolo at 1:40 seemed a bit too much.
Couple of lyric lines seemed too different from the others in the way they were said/sung.
"he doesn't tell the truth"
"they used to love this time of day"
Kind of wondered why the lyrics are in the third person point of view but it works.

I only noticed the above because I was in critique mode. Would not have noticed otherwise. It's a very good song.
Thanks for sharing.

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Re: Help . I need to know what the F I'm doing wrong with this song ... no kidding 2018/01/30 20:41:59 (permalink)
SupaReels Music
Many thanks I've done this track with different ideas and I agree  ... so I'll do it again with that in mind     (BTW the wife came into the studio today with my 3pm cuppa, and said "Who's that .... I said “Nettlesmith” .. not bad are they? “Early Eagles?” ..(Cookin' In Satan's Kitchen) “Nop, Scottish band back in the day it would seem” …. “Get the album, we'll listen to it in the car” … to you it means nothing, but she has NEVER played my stuff in the car! … just NOT allowed .. Your THAT good LOL

 
Ha, excellent! (oh, we're both English by the way ) If you'd like a free copy of the CD Steve, just PM me your address.

 
Jyemz
 
 
 



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Amicus717
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Re: Help . I need to know what the F I'm doing wrong with this song ... no kidding 2018/01/31 04:26:02 (permalink)
I liked this a lot. Really great atmosphere, and nicely melodic. I also like your voice - has a great vibe to it, evoked a bit of Chris DeBurg, to my ears, with a slight dash of Roger Hodgeson (in both cases I consider that a good thing). 
 
As you are looking for some constructive commentary, I listened a couple of times and few things did sort of catch my attention and broke the spell a bit. 
 
0:36 - "..ground" is off-key enough that it immediately jumped out at me. I have no issue with some stylish wandering off pitch, but this particular note struck me as too off-key to work. 
 
1:21 - 1:56 (roughly) - I'd really tighten up the playing here. I love the instrumentation, but not everything is tight or in sync. To my ears, the guitar parts are not settling in with the harpsichord sound properly, and they almost sound like they are fighting each other a bit. 
 
From 3:44 to the end, same issue as above. I love the overall texture and instrumentation, and the sound mix is good, but I'd try to tighten up the playing. 
 
Hope you don't mind my honesty on these matters. I think it's a great song, and I figured some honest feedback would be helpful. 
 
Rob

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montezuma
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Re: Help . I need to know what the F I'm doing wrong with this song ... no kidding 2018/01/31 12:42:31 (permalink)
First thing, in all honesty, that strikes me is the vocals...not really 100% convincing...the performance I mean. It's taking a back seat to everything else. Shouldn't it be leading everything? Second thing is the harpsichord giving it an atmosphere I'm not sure fits with the other instrumentation. Lastly, maybe it could use a foundation...a deep bass throughout more or less anchoring and tying everything together. 
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SupaReels Music
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Re: Help . I need to know what the F I'm doing wrong with this song ... no kidding 2018/01/31 12:59:38 (permalink)
Bjorn :-    My thanks for the advice, I kinda like the sweep pad at the start but maybe I'll try something else for an intro, I've got to agree with the tremolo though, never noticed it till now so thanks for that. The whole song was written in a third party perspective so "he doesn't tell the truth" and "they used to love this time of day" is a sort of time out to let the listener into his mind set at those times, but I'll take that under advisement as I'm gonna start from scratch ..ish. Thankyou for the time you spent and your comments they are very helpful.
 
Rob :-    Roger Hodgeson !? What a compliment! (I take that as a good thing too) … Dead right about 0.36 “ground” it is flat! I could use auto tune but I don't like using it much so I'll ditch it and do it again. I think you hit the nail on the head at 1.21 onwards M8, the Harp is out of sync with my awful guitar playing (well the other way 'round actually) and maybe that needs a re-think. I love the honesty and your time for listening and commenting, Thanks a lot
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SupaReels Music
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Re: Help . I need to know what the F I'm doing wrong with this song ... no kidding 2018/01/31 13:12:32 (permalink)
Matt :- Many thanks for listening, there's a whole lot to think about there, so I'll listen to your stuff to get a vibe of what you mean by the vocal taking a back seat bit. I'm thinking it's my skill set that needs a kick. Thankyou for your comments I'll do a bit of head scratching.
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Vilovilo
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Re: Help . I need to know what the F I'm doing wrong with this song ... no kidding 2018/02/10 15:18:03 (permalink)
Hi,
Cool song,ocean of sadness in it....
For me the song should stand by itself with a somewhat simpler and maybe a little " straighter" musical play-back.
Maybe as if you wanted to be able to play it live with your piano or your guitar.
I think you can transmit emotions to an audience with this tune but( for me) I get somewhat confused with all theese musical informations arriving at the same time.
That is by evidence my personnal point of view with no meaning to pretend to have any understanding of what music is....
Cheers.
Olivier.
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SupaReels Music
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Re: Help . I need to know what the F I'm doing wrong with this song ... no kidding 2018/02/12 11:00:05 (permalink)
Vilovilo :- Thanks for your input, if I could play guitar like you I think I would try to 'cut down' the mix ... I think the simple approach may work and I'll try it, many thanks for your time and listening Olivier
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emeraldsoul
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Re: Help . I need to know what the F I'm doing wrong with this song ... no kidding 2018/02/13 05:07:34 (permalink) ☄ Helpfulby SupaReels Music 2018/02/13 10:05:17
Ok good song first off. I got some dire straits/knopfler vibes. Listen to how his "fade to black" is mixed. It works because it's sparse.
 
Try your mix with the harpsichord on mute. And lower guitar volumes by 1 e.g. at least. Both those things are masking the vocal. I would not boost that vocal, just drop the competition 1 e.g. at least.
 
It's asking a lot of that tiny tambourine to keep up as a rhythm section. You clearly are going sparse when it comes to drums! But not a lot of songs make it with no bass, no drums , just guitars and harpsichord.
 
Cheers mate, cool tune!
-Tom

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SupaReels Music
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Re: Help . I need to know what the F I'm doing wrong with this song ... no kidding 2018/02/13 10:11:46 (permalink)
Thanks Tom ... Fade to black was a real inspiration thanks for the advice … I keep changing this song with every comment made! LOL but I think I'll try a new approach now … (like learning the guitar) Thanks again for listening
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Re: Help . I need to know what the F I'm doing wrong with this song ... no kidding 2018/02/14 03:41:35 (permalink) ☄ Helpfulby SupaReels Music 2018/02/17 11:32:28
ooops!  "db" got autocorrected to "e.g." (of course it did!)   my bad.

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Wayfarer
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Re: Help . I need to know what the F I'm doing wrong with this song ... no kidding 2018/02/17 04:58:05 (permalink)
I like the song, but I'm not crazy about the instrumentation used. I would certainly drop the harpsichord and do more of a Debussy thing with some sparse piano and a very warm reverb room like so:
 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QRjllL-MP0U
 
I say that because your voice is a bit thin (not bad--just thin), so you need something a little more lush to fill some space, and a harpsichord is pretty much the opposite of lush.
 
Oh well, just an opinion. It's fine the way it is honestly.
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eph221
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Re: Help . I need to know what the F I'm doing wrong with this song ... no kidding 2018/02/17 05:51:57 (permalink) ☄ Helpfulby SupaReels Music 2018/02/17 11:32:45
I have to ask what is the purpose of the presentation?.  It's a beautiful song, lyrics and Melody a married to eachoeach well. If it's for a demo, there's nothing really need done. I would put a piano on the harpsichord as well. Also I might make the vocals a little wetter. It's really gorgeous and sad! :(. There were some ghostly rhythmic fumbles here and there that need fixed if it's for public consumption.)

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SupaReels Music
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Re: Help . I need to know what the F I'm doing wrong with this song ... no kidding 2018/02/17 12:19:03 (permalink)
Wayfarer
Many thanks for listening. The youtube link was particularly helpful, although I feel it's a bit above my 'pay grade' to play like that lol, however, that said with the other guys input esp Fade to black I think I'll rework it, thanks and for what it's worth I agree with your observations.
 
eph221
Thanks David for listening, and to answer your question of why the presentation, it was to discover what better musicians would do in their approach to this song. I listen to the stuff here and wonder how arrangements are made. For my part I am a frustrated songwriter because I can't play what I hear in my head so I arrive at at facsimile that I can live with, so no, it's not a demo only a song that needs a little help.
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eph221
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Re: Help . I need to know what the F I'm doing wrong with this song ... no kidding 2018/02/17 17:48:48 (permalink)
The best advice anyone gave me viz *hows arrangements are made* is to learn an instrument really well.  This forces you to listen carefully and under a microscope. The better composers know many instruments and the best composers know many instruments really well.  Studying compositions in detail isn't as effective as the instrument approach I don't think.  (or I should say studying compositions without the con-text of an instrument isn't as effective.)

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SupaReels Music
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Re: Help . I need to know what the F I'm doing wrong with this song ... no kidding 2018/02/18 17:06:45 (permalink)
Well, I have tried to take on board all the advice and this is the result https://soundcloud.com/us...ey-2nd-version/s-Punrg
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Wayfarer
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Re: Help . I need to know what the F I'm doing wrong with this song ... no kidding 2018/02/18 17:13:18 (permalink)
Oh my gosh. That is the best turn-around of a song I've ever witnessed. Just amazing what you've done with it. Bravo!
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Re: Help . I need to know what the F I'm doing wrong with this song ... no kidding 2018/02/18 17:23:01 (permalink)
Wow, that is stunning Steve. You've nailed it.

 
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eph221
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Re: Help . I need to know what the F I'm doing wrong with this song ... no kidding 2018/02/18 18:35:40 (permalink)
Really brilliant.  So moving.  Hope you have some luck with this in one way or another.  

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SupaReels Music
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Re: Help . I need to know what the F I'm doing wrong with this song ... no kidding 2018/02/18 18:51:45 (permalink)
If I could buy you guys a beer for your help with this song I would (ish) . Thankyou so much for listening and I'm sick of it now LOL!
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Vilovilo
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Re: Help . I need to know what the F I'm doing wrong with this song ... no kidding 2018/02/19 00:00:30 (permalink)
Hi Steve,
I knew this song was beautiful and you've done a really good job to put the light on the two important things ( for me): the quality of the songwriting and ... Well ....your voice.
Hope you will find motion with it,it is indeed a beautiful song.
Olivier.
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Lynn
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Re: Help . I need to know what the F I'm doing wrong with this song ... no kidding 2018/02/19 01:15:52 (permalink)
Wow, I'm glad I heard both versions before commenting.  By taking a few suggestions and running with them, you turned a good song into a gem!  Your voice and delivery are the stars of this song.  Kudos!

All the best,
Lynn

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Voda La Void
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Re: Help . I need to know what the F I'm doing wrong with this song ... no kidding 2018/02/19 01:34:00 (permalink)
Yeah +1 on the turnaround, man that's a nice track you got there.  

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SupaReels Music
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Re: Help . I need to know what the F I'm doing wrong with this song ... no kidding 2018/02/19 12:49:56 (permalink)
Lynn, the input from you guys really helped and I now like the arrangment, could still do with some pro work but I like it and I feel it's the best I can do, so thanks for your input.
 
Many thanks Tim for the 'pat on the back'
 
 
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Re: Help . I need to know what the F I'm doing wrong with this song ... no kidding 2018/02/19 14:39:18 (permalink)
My furry ears enjoyed that, they did not hear the first version, my only comment a little more atmospheric reverb on the vocal.  Nothing more to add, thanks for sharing.

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SupaReels Music
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Re: Help . I need to know what the F I'm doing wrong with this song ... no kidding 2018/02/19 17:57:05 (permalink)
Thanks Wookiee but I'm off to dance in the rain ... no really ... it always rains in Devon (Thanks for listening)
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