How to form a full S.A.T.B. choir - True expert advice here (humour )
I was in the high school choir for 5 years, never learned a single note of real sheet music, so I'm sure I qualify as an expert.
HOW TO FORM A SOPRANO/ALTO/TENOR/BARITONE CHOIRA) Make sure the Baritones are all big tall guys. They have longer vocal chords and they will reach those low notes when you need them. For performance night, black socks only. Trust me - it counts.
B) Make sure the Tenors are guys under 5ft (or at worst, ladies over 6'4") - they will have the chops for those testicle-squeezing high notes (found in the tenor clef ... there is such a thing, right?) without going into falsetto (which is clearly German for Waltz Ghetto ... pretty, pretty sure...). The ladies (usually sans testicles) will usually sound like pitch corrected male bass singers when they sing tenor, so keep their numbers down to a minimum or their disturbing formants will be noticed and turn your stomach somewhat.
C) Make sure the Altos are really fearsome looking warrior women. They will handle the notes nobody really wants to hear and can deal with being ignored in the same way bass players are invisible to the naked eye the minute they take the stage.
D) Sopranos that can really sing (and sing high) always wear fancy dresses, have long hair and stand less than 4'8" in heels. You need to locate them at the front of the choir so they can be seen, otherwise - if placed behind the baritones or tenors - they will lose it completely because they are not being noticed, esp. for their mastery of high notes that (they think) would make Mariah Carey green-over with envy. They are well-known for thinking themselves hilarious by singing, "Me-me-me-me!" when warming up their soap-bubble sized pipes (lungs, to the less musically erudite present).
Well, hope I've been of great help. Next time you go to form a choir, you can take the above advice to the bank and become famous like that other choir-master ... uh, whatever his name was. Y'know who I mean, right?
Glad to be of assistance!
post edited by Flagrant Regard - 2016/04/12 20:32:45