I cut my brain while shaving

I admit.  I was careless.  The lights were a little bright and my eyes were tired.  I had a lot to do today and there were a number of Important Things on my mind.  I let myself get distracted and then it happened.
 
I accidentally nicked my temporal lobe.  As you might expect, I became unfixed in time.  At first, I was irritated.  I mean, who wants to walk around all morning with a piece of tissue paper stuck to their brain?  I realized the full extent of my problem when I tried to drink some coffee.  I had this burning sensation on my face and spilling down my chest.  A few seconds later, I tried to sip my coffee.  You guessed it.  My effects were preceeding my causes.
 
My forehead hurt.  Irritated, I facepalmed myself a little too hard.  In retrospect, I probably should have seen that coming.  As I got ready to go to work, I ran into a few doors and tripped over the couch.  I admit that I was somewhat concerned about driving an hour or so on the Tollway to get to the office.  Fortunately, my impairment only helped me to blend in with all of the other drivers.
 
It's rather difficult to run meetings effectively when you're lagging behind the rest of the timestream.  I've taken to nodding and saying, "Hmmm" frequently.  Doing so creates an illusion that I'm being Wise, Thoughtful and Profound.
 
Missing my chair tends to spoil the effect, but I can work on that.

At least you have an excuse.

Aren't you naturally bald? 
 
 
 
Why UB shavin'?

Wookie will never have that problem.

This just appeared on my screen, so I assume that I should type it.  I don't know if anyone has posted anything here yet, but I'm assuming that I'm replying to someone.
 
Becan
I was trying to shave my face and I missed.  It could happen to anyone.
Wait.  Your Today is a Monday?
An Excuse is not the same thing as a Raisin.  (Some educational TV obviously worked...)
Apparently, Wookiees consider discussions about shaving to be a TOS violation.
No other primates were injured during this event.  I am sorry about the baby seals, though.
.did I Yes, Yes  .confused looking there standing involves aftershave standard My
No, I was out of ointment and my brain was itchy.
Becan.
No, it's not really a sense of deja vu.  Deja vu is the seventh sense, right between Common and Any.
Until I get cause and effect sorted out, I have got to switch to lukewarm coffee.
No, those are not my eels.  (or are they?)

So how is this going to work for you long term?  For example, if you want to take advantage of something's beneficial effect, like the stress reduction associated with listening to music, do you wait for the stress reduction to occur and then drop an LP on the turntable?
 
And, more importantly, how will you know it is music that you need to listen to after you have started to experience the stress reduction?
 
This sounds like a job for Oliver Sacks.

quantumeffect
So how is this going to work for you long term?  For example, if you want to take advantage of something's beneficial effect, like the stress reduction associated with listening to music, do you wait for the stress reduction to occur and then drop an LP on the turntable?
 
And, more importantly, how will you know it is music that you need to listen to after you have started to experience the stress reduction?
 
This sounds like a job for Oliver Sacks.

Maybe Bubba will be able drop the needle at the beginning of an LP, play it normally and hear all the backwards messages. 

Or a chain saw. 

(Note to self: Next time, don't put the razor on the counter next to the Home Lobotomy kit.  They look too much alike.)

UbiquitousBubba
(Note to self: Next time, don't put the razor on the counter next to the Home Lobotomy kit.  They look too much alike.)

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.

I'm too smart for that, Mesh.  That's why I keep my toothbrush next to the toilet bowl brush.  What could possibly go wrong?

craigb

UbiquitousBubba
I'm too smart for that, Mesh.  That's why I keep my toothbrush next to the toilet bowl brush.  What could possibly go wrong?

I'd avoid putting the super-glue near the Preparation-H though.
 
(Just sayin'...)

Epoxy is OK, though?