Hi, 
1. Make sure there are no alternatives to your impending doom.

2. Assume a sitting position if available; if not, stand with your legs spread approximately shoulder width.

3. Bend forward at the waist and aim your nose toward your [censored]. If in a sitting position you may need to scoot your [censored] forward a bit so there is some [censored] exposed.

4. Calmly press your lips against your [censored] and wait for your impending doom.

5. Alternately you quickly kiss your [censored] and return to your previous position in order to meet your doom head on.

 Tips

* If you have a suspicion that you will be meeting this doom I strongly recommend washing your [censored] before putting it in contact with your mouth.

* If possible start a video camera for some sort of Youtube or Tosh.0. Tosh.0 would certainly benefit from whatever act got you into kissing your [censored] goodbye in the first place.

* Dignity is certainly gone, so make sure that this is a final curtain call. Nobody would ever want to hook up with you after going out like a chump with your lips on your [censored].

 Warnings

* Try to avoid getting into situations where this "how to" guide would come into play.