Life Am Hard

Excuse me while I dim the lights in the Coffee House for a few moments.  I don't usually post personal Real Life stuff online because everyone's got drama and tragedy enough.  I'm making an exception this time, however.
 
My mother-in-law has been living with my wife and I for a little more than two years.  She's been slowly dying of Alzheimer's and severe dementia.  Watching her lose more and more of herself day after day has been very difficult for the family.  Seeing her succumb to the paranoia and fear has been tragic.  Caring for her day and night has been exhausting for my wife, kids, and myself.  On Sunday, Mother's Day, her struggle finally ended and she slipped away quietly, with her family around her.
 
Before you ask, it's okay.  She needed this nightmare to end.  We needed it to end.  Without getting into a TOS violation, we know what's waiting for her and we know she's at peace now.  I can see her sitting up, looking around, and saying, "Wow!  I'm glad That's over!"
 
It may sound callous to some, but we feel a sense of relief now along with the sadness.  My kids had a hard time on Sunday, but by late Monday, they were doing alright. 
 
Taking care of my wife and kids during this ordeal has been my primary concern.  It's where nearly all of my spare time has gone for more than two years.  For a little while, we'll get some rest.  The timing is perfect because we need to focus next on my oldest son as he has surgery on his back.  Post op recovery for that will be somewhere between 6 - 12 months.
 
Sigh.  Music will come later, when there's time.
 
See, there's a reason I don't post all this Real Life stuff online very often.  You can bring the lights back up now.  Thanks for your friendship and support, everyone.

Best to you and yours Bubba.

My deepest sympathies Bubba.

Best wishes Bubba,  I hope all goes well for your son.

As Jan said, take time out to unwind once in a while.


Karyn.

My warm condolencies concerning your mother-in-law and best wishes of energy and optimism to your son and your family.

Death should more often be seen as a welcome friend, not a tragedy.  It's not cruel or blunt to think so. The most heart tearing tragedies take place when death does not come in good time. I've seen it closely, and will so again in a few years, very likely. At the worst it shatters for good the life of the ones left behind. I understand it wasn't like that in your case.

The period your family is facing after your sons operation is reverse. You will be seeing progress and every day will be a little better, let's decide so :o). That's easier to go through. Have a great summer.

 

Rock on, ol pal.

Bubba - you've always been a private but caring individual on the forums.  this is a big deal to share such honesty with us and I am honored to be part of your life that you have shared.  first let me say that I offer my condolences and prayers to you and your family and I rejoice with you that she is now in a better place and no longer suffering!

I'd like to also share a little of a similar story with you to let you know that I empathize with you pretty completely.  My mother in law has had dementia for over a year, but my father in law is in "denial" that it really is a problem.  however, about 3 weeks ago she had a stroke and is currently in rehab at a nursing facility.  it saddens me to see her in this condition where she can't communicate effectively (she can barely form a few words, most communication is garbled), she can't feed herself or use the bathroom or even get up for a walk.  she used to be such a powerhouse of the family - that backbone of strength.  and now she's reduced to eating pureed food through a straw and being bathed by technicians. 

even tho she's in a nursing facility it's still a physical and emotional strain on my family because the family is staying with her 24 hours a day.  my father in law stays there most of the time and in order to give him some relief, my wife spends most of her free time there so that her father can get out of the facility for a few hours a day to rest and take care of every day business.  that means my wife is gone from 5:30am until about 8pm every day between work and staying at the facility with her mother.  it's very stressful on her and on the rest of the family without her being home most of the time.

I understand your relief completely.  and while I know it would devestate my father in law and sister in law, I'm sure that my mother in law would be in a much better place were she to continue on from this world.

I did not share this to hijack your thread, and I hope I haven't done so, but I wanted you to know that you have company in your life journey and a compadre who will pray for your family.

  Sorry to hear of your tragedy. You have  an ear and support from me. There is a time for everything .This is  relief to what had been an ongoing devastation.
 May you and yours recovery be swift but may the good memories never go away.

Bubba, you explained that situation very tastefully and eloquently. My best to you and your family. A good friend of mine is going through much the same situation right now.

It may sound callous to some, but we feel a sense of relief now along with the sadness.

Not callous at all, I understand exactly what you mean.

I see absolutely nothing wrong with posting this and also think you have exactly the right attitude about it.  Remember the good times, forget the difficult parts and let her go in peace.  Feel free to let loose and enjoy yourselves now.  Why?  Because you can and because life is only a temporary thing.
 
[Edit:  Well, let loose after taking care of your son which is priority #1 of course!  All the best for his recovery.  In the meantime, I'll work on reading the WHOLE post before replying... *sigh*]

Thanks, everyone.  I'm humbled to be among you.  Thanks very much for your kindness.  Ours is a warm and inviting Coffee House and I'm glad to know you all (in a virtual way).