Need a little help, perhaps from those using electronic drum machines such as the TR-808/909, something else, of if you're like me, the TR-8.  Every time I go to use the thing, fitting a pattern into a song, I end up hating how it sounds.  I try to process the kicks/snares/hats/etc. with EQ, compression, and some FX here and there, and it still sounds like garbage.  Overall, it sticks out like a sore thumb and sounds cheap, unglued, dry, and ugly.  What could I be doing wrong?  What tips and tricks can be shared to perhaps EQ or compress better?  Thanks!

Try a tape emulator, use a nice convolution ambience reverb, send some of the snare to an amp sim for a little grit, take some of the harsh frequencies (like 2.7-3kHz) out of the hats etc. Just off the top of my head.

Thanks, Sharke.  I will try those techniques.  Putting an amp sim on the snare sounds like a good one.  My go-to saturation plugin of choice is Saturn, and it contains both tape and amp sims.  Worth a shot!

What kind of music are you producing?
Surely something that lends itself to the use of TR-8 sounds? I guess if you're going for an old-school They Might Be Giants, alt-rock-meets-garage-indie-childrens-band sound, it'd work, but (obviously) the style of music and what you're hearing in your head would determine what work best.
 
IMOX (my new acronym for "in my own experience", use it or lose it! :D ), if I can HEAR it in the mix, then usually the basic, out-of-the-box settings and sounds that apply to what I'm adding function well as a placeholder until I get something concrete that mirrors EXACTLY what's in my head. Otherwise, when throwing things at the wall to see what sticks, sometimes it pays to just try different samples or take it back to the drawing board.
 
just IMOX, of course

2:43AM
Need a little help, perhaps from those using electronic drum machines such as the TR-808/909, something else, of if you're like me, the TR-8.  Every time I go to use the thing, fitting a pattern into a song, I end up hating how it sounds.  I try to process the kicks/snares/hats/etc. with EQ, compression, and some FX here and there, and it still sounds like garbage.  Overall, it sticks out like a sore thumb and sounds cheap, unglued, dry, and ugly.  What could I be doing wrong?  What tips and tricks can be shared to perhaps EQ or compress better?  Thanks!

if it was me,
i'd quit banging my head against the wall,
and get a program like ezdrummer 2 or superior drummer.....
if you like the electronic sounds,
they've got tons of them
 
if you are serious, about drum sounds,
it's an easy decision.

batsbrew

2:43AM
Need a little help, perhaps from those using electronic drum machines such as the TR-808/909, something else, of if you're like me, the TR-8.  Every time I go to use the thing, fitting a pattern into a song, I end up hating how it sounds.  I try to process the kicks/snares/hats/etc. with EQ, compression, and some FX here and there, and it still sounds like garbage.  Overall, it sticks out like a sore thumb and sounds cheap, unglued, dry, and ugly.  What could I be doing wrong?  What tips and tricks can be shared to perhaps EQ or compress better?  Thanks!

if it was me,
i'd quit banging my head against the wall,
and get a program like ezdrummer 2 or superior drummer.....
if you like the electronic sounds,
they've got tons of them
 
if you are serious, about drum sounds,
it's an easy decision.

Bingo. All the variations on TR-8, -808, -909, -707, WHATEVER types of sounds you could want beyond drum machines and into real samples of recorded drums are all available in this type of software, without a lot of the hassle that comes with external equipment - mostly just added flexibility.
I've actually been able to get a lot of mileage out of SessionDrummer, particularly with its drag-and-drop features and abilities for multiple outputs so each "drum" can be processed separately from the others.

Sometimes the sound of a drum machine can work nicely if it's right up front in the mix. It can give a cool atmosphere to a track. Genesis/Phil Collins used drum machines a lot, songs like Mama or In The Air Tonight. Rather than trying to get it to 'blend in', use it for what it is.

Along the lines of the above suggestions, if you are looking for Vintage Drum machines Arturia Spark Vintage Drum Machines has them all, and, it includes all the sequences that shipped with the drum machines.    These sequences can be dragged out as MIDI.   As James says, Genesis used drum machines frequently in their music as did many others in the 80's, 90's and beyond.  The Mama drums, for example,  are a Linn Drum Machine run through a guitar amp at the edge of break-up.   
 
The Toontracks Electronic Kits are good too but more modern sounding if that is what you are looking for.
 
Regards

jamesg1213
Sometimes the sound of a drum machine can work nicely if it's right up front in the mix. It can give a cool atmosphere to a track. Genesis/Phil Collins used drum machines a lot, songs like Mama or In The Air Tonight. Rather than trying to get it to 'blend in', use it for what it is.

Or the ultimate example: 
 

If you're looking for some absolutely fantastic synthesized drum samples check out the Driven Machine Drums bundle. I've bought a couple of them over the last few years - he puts them together with some very nice analog gear and only sells a limited run of each bundle. They're all ready to go and sound fantastic in a mix with the minimum of processing: http://www.drivenmachinedrums.com/