You have wandered into the nightmare realm between loving music and making music.
In the traditional music culture, this was initially at least, a sadistic game for children, who were chained to piano stools next to scary old crones and forced to repeatedly press keys in a predetermined order to match the arcane symbols on dusty five lined sheafs for years until they had mastered their meaning and achieved the facility to turn them into songs.
By the mid twentieth century, this tradition had morphed into self-harming teenagers picking up six stringed boxes and struggling for thousands of hours learning to force their bleeding fingers into inhuman contortions that would match the little drawings in their Mel Bay books until they could produce something that might get them laid.
In today's modern world of the future, it has become an inscrutable video game challenge, that requires young masters to hone their skills acquiring the magical tools of the maven's lair that will allow them to create armies of notes out of electricity and send them through the air to the waiting ear of the digital world.
The difference between the music in your head, and the aural ambrosia of the angels, is still a huge commitment of time and effort to learning to use your tools. It helps if you take a systematic approach to that struggle. You can shorten the process if you have a solid understanding of what you are personally trying to accomplish. You can probably skip a lot of the classical appreciation, theory and analysis if you just want to make "beats," for example, but you are going to have to do a lot that seems tedious and unfair in the process of training your questing mind. You do not reach the highest level of any game until you have learned the basic moves and played a lot at a slow pace. And it is easier to grasp the rules and skills of Angry Birds than to master Dark Souls. The thrust of the development of SONAR in the past decade has been toward your style of music and there is everything in X3 that a master of beats would need, but you must struggle to achieve it.