...the Destroyer of Words.
 
I've decided to become a sports announcer.  How hard could it be?  Like many announcers, I'm not going to bother knowing anything about the sport in question.  I'm just going to ramble incoherently at random.  If I feel sufficiently motivated, I may draw something on the board.  It will probably be a stick figure of a horse/tractor/ICBM/snake/President Lincoln.  My stick figures all look alike.
 
In addition, I'll verb nouns for no intelligent reason and, in so doing, stupid myself.  The less I know about the sport, the players, the history, or the philosophical/cultural ethos of the game, the louder I'll get.  If all else fails, I'll yell out, "Ooh!  That's gotta hurt!"  If I get myself backed into a corner, I'll use metaphors that make no sense and trail off as it becomes increasingly obvious that I have no idea what I'm saying.
 
I'm also not going to bother attending any sporting events.  I'll just announce the mundane ebb and flow of everyday life.  Why should all the excitement stay out on the field/court/track/alley/rink/etc.?  Why not bring some of that into the office/Walmart/Guitar Center/Living Room/Control Room/Launch Facility/Missle Silo/etc.? 
 
...walking up behind a groggy coworker pouring their morning coffee in a dazed manner - "GOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAALLLLLLLL!!!!"
...when someone staples a few papers - "From Downtown!!!  She stapled that like an undead rollerblader vanning the kids to Hockey practice in the Hamptons!"
...watching someone drag an unwilling three year old through Walmart - "DID YOU SEE THAT???  UNBELIEVABLE!!!  He Stairway to Heavened that kid through the underwear aisle like the scent of blue across the unshaven face of a number 7 when held underwater too long...Let's go the Board!!!  As you can see, he looped around the horse's head, dipped under President Lincoln's left nose, then slid right between the snake's back tires.  Oooh!  That's gotta Hurt!"
 
Yeah.  This should be fun.

:)

Do it

I like words....

musicman100


I like words....

I like it that you like words

UbiquitousBubba


...the Destroyer of Words.
 
I've decided to become a sports announcer.  How hard could it be?  Like many announcers, I'm not going to bother knowing anything about the sport in question.  I'm just going to ramble incoherently at random.  If I feel sufficiently motivated, I may draw something on the board.  It will probably be a stick figure of a horse/tractor/ICBM/snake/President Lincoln.  My stick figures all look alike.
 
In addition, I'll verb nouns for no intelligent reason and, in so doing, stupid myself.  The less I know about the sport, the players, the history, or the philosophical/cultural ethos of the game, the louder I'll get.  If all else fails, I'll yell out, "Ooh!  That's gotta hurt!"  If I get myself backed into a corner, I'll use metaphors that make no sense and trail off as it becomes increasingly obvious that I have no idea what I'm saying.
 
I'm also not going to bother attending any sporting events.  I'll just announce the mundane ebb and flow of everyday life.  Why should all the excitement stay out on the field/court/track/alley/rink/etc.?  Why not bring some of that into the office/Walmart/Guitar Center/Living Room/Control Room/Launch Facility/Missle Silo/etc.? 
 
...walking up behind a groggy coworker pouring their morning coffee in a dazed manner - "GOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAALLLLLLLL!!!!"
...when someone staples a few papers - "From Downtown!!!  She stapled that like an undead rollerblader vanning the kids to Hockey practice in the Hamptons!"
...watching someone drag an unwilling three year old through Walmart - "DID YOU SEE THAT???  UNBELIEVABLE!!!  He Stairway to Heavened that kid through the underwear aisle like the scent of blue across the unshaven face of a number 7 when held underwater too long...Let's go the Board!!!  As you can see, he looped around the horse's head, dipped under President Lincoln's left nose, then slid right between the snake's back tires.  Oooh!  That's gotta Hurt!"
 
Yeah.  This should be fun.

You should be a sports announcer, you know

"Hold the Tomato Puree!!!  He just whiteboarded that process flow like a landscaper statuing a hole dug by a rabid mole with a taste for petunias!  What's that?  OH No!  The Neptunian judge only gave him a 4.3 due in part to the fact that his sleeve blurred the line on that top swimlane.  Let's see that again in Slow Motion.  It's right here, when he's listing ridiculously optomistic delivery dates for his deliverables!  OOOHHHH!  I don't think he's got the work breakdown structure to back up those claims!  No siree!!!  That really cost him some serious deductions there!  No doubt about it, he's in trouble like Justin Bieber opening for Korn while wearing a Hello Kitty guitar and a tiara!!!  Ooohhh!  That's gotta Hurt!!!"

I have a friend who likes Hello Kitty ©,
Daryl, dew u lik hello kitty®?

We(I) want more!!

[whispering very softly in monotonous, breathy tones]

"We're back live as Skip "Skittles" Bohansen is attempting the Stealth Cat Nap at his desk.  He's using the classic Joan technique with the handset of his phone rubberbanded to his shoulder.  To all casual observers, he's deep in thought and on an important call.  He's been Dreamlanding for the past 11 minutes and 37 seconds.  There was a close call at the 2 minute 19 mark.  Let's see that in Slow Motion.  His manager is calling his line to see if he's really on the phone.  Oh!!!  Straight to voice mail like a pile of Butterfinger crumbs between the moobs!  He handled that like a pro!  Let's rejoin the action live now.  Here comes the next hurdle.  Someone is slowly placing Skip's hand in a mug of warm water.  And, He's Okay!  No leaks here!  Skip is obviously prepared for this eventuality and is wearing Depends!  There's no question, this is not his first Roller-Derby; not his first Rodeo; not his first Shuffleboard, not his first Cricket Match...  Uh oh!  This could be Skip's undoing!  Bubba is tossing Skittles into Skip's hair!  Bubba's aim leaves a little to be desired as a Rainbow of Fruit Flavour just bounced off of Skip's left eye.  OHHH!!! That's a loud snort!  That could give him away!  This could be the ball game!  The manager is walking over here!  This is it!  Wow!!!  Skip Recovers!  Just as she walked up, he said that he would get right on that and hung up.  She bought it!!!  What's the time on that nap?  It's 19 minutes 11 seconds!  It's not a world record, but it is an impressive time!  He just may podium with that score!

This is almost like being there.

I'd say GO skip if I didn't think it would jar him from his nap.