For thousands of years, men have tried to understand the rules of dealing with women. At last, this points guide will help you to understand just how it works.
AIM:
* Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points.
* Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.
* You don't get any points for doing something she expects.
Sorry, that's just the way the game's played.
Here's a guide to the points system:
SIMPLE DUTIES You make the bed ...............................+1
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets.....-1
You leave the toilet seat up....................-5
You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty... 0
When the toilet paper has run out, you resort to Kleenex...-1
You go out to buy her extra-light pantie liners with wings...+5
In the snow.....................................+8
But return with beer............................-5
And no liners..................................-25
You check out a suspicious noise at night.........0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing... 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something...+5
You smash it with a cricket bat...................+10
It's her cat...................................-40
AT THE PARTY You stay by her side the entire evening........... 0
You stay by her side for a bit, then go and chat with a mate from the pub...-2
Called Tiffany......................-4
Who is a lap dancer................-10
With breast implants...............-18
HER BIRTHDAY
You remember her birthday............................... 0
You buy a card and flowers.............................. 0
You take her out to dinner.............................. 0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar....+1
Ok, it is a sports bar................................-2
And it's all-you-can-eat night.........................-3
It's a sports bar, its all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colours of your favourite team...-10
A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS
Go with a mate....................................... 0
The mate is happily married..........................+1
The mate is single...................................-7
He drives a Ferrari.................................-10
With a personalised license plate (GR8 NBED)........-15
A NIGHT OUT WITH HER
You take her to a see a film..........................+2
You take her to a see a film she likes................+4
You take her to a see a film you hate.................+6
You take her to a see a film you like.................-2
It's called Death Cop III.............................-3
Featuring Cyborgs that eat humans.....................-9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans...-15
YOUR PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticeable pot belly...................-15
You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of it...+10
You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and baggy shirts...-30
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too."......-800
THE BIG QUESTION
She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?"
You hesitate in responding......................-10
You reply, "Where?".............................-35
You reply, "No, I think it's your arse".........-100
Any other response..............................-20
COMMUNICATION When she wants to talk about a problem:
You listen, displaying a concerned expression.............0
You listen, for over 30 minutes..........................+5
You relate to her problem and share a similar experience.... +50
You're mind wanders to football and you suddenly hear her saying "well, what do you think I should do?".........-100
You have fallen asleep.............................-200
IT'S THAT TIME OF THE MONTH You talk.........................................-100
You don't talk...................................-150
You spend time with her..........................-200
You don't spend time with her....................-500
You are seen to be enjoying yourself.....
GAME OVER - YOU LOSE!!