Ok well thanks for everybody's input, very much appreciated.
I have 8 gigs in my machine (yes I know I could do with more but need new motherboard for that :-/ )
The 5 instances result in task manager show about 6gigs of that ram in use.
I started project in safe mode and loaded each instance of kontakt successfully and project opened complete with all midi data intact. I saved under a different name and it now loads perfectly so somehow it seems the original file was corrupted. I'm hesitant to mark this as solved just yet as I haven't had time to restart the PC from 'cold' . Also I will submit the dmp files to both Roland and cake plus the crashlog to NI. Maybe there is a hope that this will solve the problem or at least help solve it for all this with this Roland driver dll error.
Thanks again, will repost if anything changes.
Bibs