I taught my self to read music when I was 14.
I wanted to play guitar.
Started to read a few manuals and work books; after an HOUR I threw the books into a trash bin
and went outside to play ball.
I never made it to the court. Something welled up in me and I turned around,
marched back home and locked myself in my bedroom until I knew how to read music.
I am sure the OP is experiencing SOME measure of this...
He/She is probably shedding.
Mel